My Testimony About God & Jesus Christ

[Squaell]

I was living life like everybody else but from mine nature i was anti-violence , alcohol , smoking , society values , worshiping material things and was more for peace love and spirituality. But not some hippie i was just like everybody else , who was trying to balance his life , with be good and doing good , survive in this modern system. Have not done anything wrong so i thought i am good person. And after i thought about everything and came to some point where have realized i cannot be truly good how i want to be , if i stay in this society. Society world is against everything what is good , it just look well but inside it is rotten. At some point i came to point where i stopped. Was just laying in bed and wanted to sleep or die but i could not die because to kill myself did not see as solution and to live in this society , highway to hell life i wanted not either. Did not understand why is this happening to me , thought i must be in hell or be punished for something i do not know but it all did not give any sense. And i was just sleeping weeks and was inside dead , without life. Until one day i wake up and was tired like i would be working two days straigh , without energy. Was up just few hours and went again to sleep , and i had a dream in which i saw shining full moon above me , which was first time in my life where i saw full moon in dream. When i wake up i was like reborn , full of energy i know this is something special and so i was just reading and reading weeks on Internet seeking knowledge about whole universe all religions and to get some whole picture of the creation and how is everything working. Like dry sponge sucking information and so i came to meditation. Was thinking before to try it out but somehow never come to it. I had feeling now is the right time. And so i begun to meditate , it was going well , how i was writing with people on Internet they had not experienced such things what i wrote to them , and they wrote me back maybe i should go to doctor. But i have mine own mind so i know that i not need doctor but to keep this way. And so in one meditation i had feeling i could hear even silence and in that point , like some wave came into mine right ear and gone into head. First thing i thought was , God pleas do not shout or mine head will explode. And after this meditation i begun to hear sound in head , yes it sound crazy and i thought too , what is this? it is not normal so i begun to research again. And i stopped meditation because i did not know what is here happening. And day later or so i went to sleep and i had feeling like somebody is near me , and thought about God. When i was in bed had feeling like somebody is touching mine forehead and doing cross on it , then i felt air breeze coming and like somebody would hold mine hearth in his hand. After this i was totally freaked out i stopped everything , mine thought was about i am crazy this is imagination. On the second day i went to church because i thought some demon is haunting me , got like mental collapse i had seen what i done wrong in life even i was good or thought to be good , this is called ( Repentance ) and so i went better again to sleep and not think about it , had no idea what was going on. But somehow in this whole struggle i had thoughts not to eat meat to be more spiritually clean and because of compassion to animals. And when i was doing this mother told me there is 40 days fasting because of Jesus Christ , thought ok i hold it because i already not eat meat it will be two things in one. But all the time i was focused more on Buddhism and did not make any connection with God or Jesus Christ i thought this was something related to Buddhism. And so until the crucifixion of Jesus Christ i stopped to think about this , was again just sleeping and got battle inside me thought about i am crazy. On the day of crucifixion it draw me again to Internet to do some research about Jesus Christ and what was going on there. And so i again begun to suck all information i could get , not just catholic but all related to God and there i found answers about what was going on with me and answers about mine whole life. But still after i know what is happening , that the dream was God’s Call and that the sound is called Sound Mind which leads that person to the right path and is doing much more is like crutch for blind. Which some people from the mercy of God through faith and repentance with baptism are Born-Again. I understand i need to be baptized but i was already , so i thought it is done already. And this crazy thoughts were still there , i know i need to do something but had no idea what. Thoughts told me that i am crazy and that struggle , battle was going on , so i did not know what is the truth. I read it in the scripts about what is going on but the thoughts still were holding me from believing or finding the truth until i decided to go get baptized again. In chapel told me i am already baptized so i cannot be again but can renew the commitment to Jesus Christ and that i should go home and think about it if i want renew. And i said what i have to think about to go more crazy ? i want it now on the spot if possible , and so he looked surprised and we renewed the commitment. And after i got just clear mind with that sweat sound and i understand what was the truth and what was happening. It was the sound mind that was leading me to salvation and Satan on other side keeping me from it how he could , with deception lies and what so ever lack of faith he found in me , turned every unbelief against me so he keep me from the truth.This world is big deception , people are so deep inside , they cannot see the light so how can they say there is no light or that the bible, and everything is not true. I would say it is true just twisted by Satan so much that it is hard to find what is true and what not . Do not argue or question God but let him help you , he knows what is good for you better then you. You cannot win arguing with Satan he will twist you so that you not even know who you are. I would never find the way out from this big deception if God would not have a mercy on me and not help. I would be lost until it would be too late. How i wrote before in “repentime” -Remember Noah- they too were eating and drinking , living their live until the flood came and it was too late. I do not want to scare somebody but when i see what is going on i cannot just sit and watch. It is not too much to repent from sin , get baptized and hold on the ten commandments +be good person.I know there was many who was speaking and lying , but that is everything Satan's work , he was deceiving people so they cannot trust nobody and to nothing. From that moment that you choose to fight and be good repent and get baptized and not sin you will have many thoughts ,feelings which will try to stop you i am sure you have and had already negative thoughts to this article and it will be worse if you choose to fight Satan and his demons. I am not saying that i know when the Judgment will come i do not know but i know that it is time to open eyes because i can already hear it coming.Send this article to people you love or care about , send it to your friends or post it in forum , blog, bulletins , where you can. And spread the truth , that people need to believe in Jesus Christ so they can enter kingdom of heaven. Repent get baptized and do not sin.*There are many errors in spelling and English but i hope it is good enough.God Bless You

 

[Violett]

Hello I'm glad that you've found a way out of your confusion.It's hard to say if you come back here, though, as your goal seems to be to put your fervent post into as many places as possible, and that's the only post you have here.But I'd still like to comment in my own way. Trying to help. Treat it as you wish.QUOTE (Squaell @ Apr 29 2009, 08:54 AM) index.php?act=findpost&pid=73121
Society world is against everything what is good , it just look well but inside it is rotten. At some point i came to point where i stopped. Was just laying in bed and wanted to sleep or die but i could not die because to kill myself did not see as solution and to live in this society , highway to hell life i wanted not either. Did not understand why is this happening to me , thought i must be in hell or be punished for something i do not know but it all did not give any sense. And i was just sleeping weeks and was inside dead , without life.
It might have been depression, although I'm not saying that it was. But you should think if you had reason to be very stressed. Depression generally leads to thoughts like those that you've described about pointlessness of life, and about feeling dead inside. And that in turn leads to attempts to find the meaning of life.My point is that if it was depression then you've found something to counter it with (to kill the feeling of pointlessness), but it doesn't mean that the depression has ended. It might come back again if you haven't found out its true source. It's not the pointlessness feeling and rejection of society that is depression, it's something else that puts so much pressure on you that you start to feel so distant that everything loses its meaning and starts to seem repulsive and confusing. It's impossible for me to guess what the source is, only you can know that.QUOTE
And so i begun to meditate , it was going well , how i was writing with people on Internet they had not experienced such things what i wrote to them , and they wrote me back maybe i should go to doctor. But i have mine own mind so i know that i not need doctor but to keep this way. And so in one meditation i had feeling i could hear even silence and in that point , like some wave came into mine right ear and gone into head. First thing i thought was , God pleas do not shout or mine head will explode. And after this meditation i begun to hear sound in head , yes it sound crazy and i thought too , what is this? it is not normal so i begun to research again. And I stopped meditation because i did not know what is here happening.
I understand that. Such things are definitely produced by either a lot of stress or intensive meditation practices. I know that first-hand, too, so that you wouldn't think that I have no right to speak about these things. Probably in your case both reasons were present.I'd like you to feel truly good, so I suggest that you'd try to figure out what puts pressure on you and deal with it. You sound like you've found a temporary meaning of life that will quench your depression, but it may go as quick as it came. It would only be fair both for you and for your faith to find out whether it's driven by depression or not.And if I'm wrong I'd be very glad. But your words in the beginning suggest that I'm not wrong. About your feelings, and especially about killing yourself at some point. So I hope you give it some thought.

 

[Squaell]

It is how i wrote , when you will fight evil you will have depresion from it too , but i do not expect you will understand what heapened just i know it for sure. There is much more behind and it have no point to discuss about , i don't seek help i already helped me self like in eveything in mine life. I am just sharing so you see what is Satan capable off and that it is not just fary tale about God and Satan. You can begin to believe or not your decision.

 

[Violett]

That's ok.