Need some Prayer and Encouragement

[w0r5h1p]

Ok, I'm not exactly sure where to start. Well, I joined here not to long ago and I wish I could be on here more - but, I've just been so distracted lately. Last summer I went to a Christian Leadership Camp called, World View - It's the most amazing camp that I've been to and I've been there twice and going back again this coming July. Well, this past time that I went - I met the most amazing godly man, ever! Well, after about a month and a half or so of being really close friends - I got into a relationship with him (his name is Stephen, he lives in NY and I'm in PA) - and if you know me, I was never into guys and was only going to get into a relationship that would benefit me down the road (such as marriage) - I'm not into the World's definition of dating. I've been with him for about 7 months now and his relationship with the Lord is amazing - Stephen has opened my eyes to the Lord in a whole new way! My parents were thrilled when I got into this relationship because of how much they respected Stephen and how mature he was, etc.. They told Stephen that he needs to start making decisions in the relationship to see how he handles things and they thought he was doing great with that! Then, he and I started talking about getting married and my parents were even happy about this! They even agreed to let me marry him this coming fall.. Stephen was going to move down here and work over the summer and then we would find a house to rent in the beginning. Well, he got this wonderful job offer from his brother in law... he would make $35 an hour and he would work 8-10 hours a day... 3-5 days a week - depending on when they needed Stephen to help. Mind you, this job offer is in NY - so I would have to move up there. As soon as he mentioned maybe taking that job and moving me up there... everything changed. Now, Stephen's a controlling, disrespectful guy who is trying to take their daughter away. My parents said absolutely not to his plan about moving me and said now I have to wait until I'm older to even consider getting married. Then, after Stephen heard all of this from my parents, he got worried that maybe down the road they would be this way and not be really willing to give Stephen the label of "head of the house hold".. if you know what I mean. Now, everything he does is wrong.. they don't like that he gets bummed easily.. they think he's just insecure, which he's getting bummed because my parents keep talking behind his back and he feels that they hate him and he can't please them. They don't like that he tries to take control on little things... when my parents told him too.... It's just SO hard! Everything he does.. my parents turn around.. make it bad and try and point it out to me.. and when I defend him by saying he's just under a lot of stress.. They say I'm just love blinded and can't see it.. so they don't believe me!! I mean, come on! It's so irritating... ::sigh::... It's just so hard. They don't think I have any wisdom because I'm "in love" with him and I won't see his faults like my parents do.. which, I am in love.. but, I'm not blinded. I see everything that they are pointing out to me.. and he and I are working through the ones that we think are important.. and he sees things in me that I am working on.. but, a lot of the problems my parents see - they are causing, he didn't used to be stressed out so easily or always worry.. but, it's because of them. My parents are even trying to use the Bible against me, which I'm not liking. They keep pointing out verses against the relationship.. they said that a relationship shouldn't have any problems and only show fruits of Joy and Happiness.. not hard times and trials. Which, I totally don't believe... you need to go through all of this stuff.. I mean, doesn't every relationship go through trials? we wouldn't have all of these problems if it weren't for my parents not wanting to choose my life for me. I just don't know what to think anymore. My parents and I are SO different... I'm even different from my sister or brother.. my beliefs. They are always talking about God sending them money and how do we make a million dollars? and what can we come up with to make more money???.. that's not me! and they think it is.. they don't believe... they think that I'm just saying all of this because that's what Stephen believes. But, that's not the case - ever since I was little.. the desires of my heart were always my family's.. I always had trouble having my own desires because everyone made plans and mapped out my life before I even could think about it! So, I started praying about 4 months before I met Stephen - for God to send me a guy that would help me find the desires of my heart and show them to me.. and that's exactly what Stephen does. I actually am seeing what I want now and what God wants for me.. not just what my parents want for me. And for some reason.. my parents don't think I have my own opinions and wants.. they think they know what I want - and they don't. They think I want a guy who's going to make tons of money and let me do whatever I want, let me have whatever I want and let me live wherever I want. Which, Stephen is going to try his best at that.. but, I want a simple life.. I don't want to be a millionaire and have a bunch of money. I want to just be the best Help meet I can be to my Husband, the best Mom I can be and run my chicken business on a nice patch of land, have a nice house and live comfortably! But, they don't see that - they don't want to see that because that's not what they want for me - they told me that.. and what's really bad.. is they told Stephen that too.. so, now he thinks he'll never be good enough or never be able to provide for me. I feel so bad for him and all that he's going through for me.. but, I love him so much for it! He's trying his best to be there for me and still be honoring to my parents.. I am so proud of him! It's so hard because I love my family soooo much and I respect and honor my parents - but all of this is really hard on me because I want to still be honoring and respectful to them - but, I am having a really hard time on where to draw the line.I've talked to my parents about maybe backing out of the relationship for 6 months or so and see what God wants - I can't stand to even think about that, but I want to honor my parents and please them. But, when I mentioned doing this - they said, No honey! We don't want you to do that!!I am really trying to just lean on God and stand still before Him - waiting on his perfect timing.. but, it's so hard.. I don't know which way to turn.I'm SO sorry that was so long - but, I'd really love it if you guys could pray for me and maybe even give me some advice.Thank you so much!~Lacey

 

[followerofchrist]

I will be praying for you Lacey!

 

[w0r5h1p]

Thank you Justin, I appreciate it!!~Lacey

 

[Thunder1]

Hi Lacey,I did not get your age, but I had a bit similar situation when I met now my husband for 14 and half years of marriage. I met my husband in used to be my home country and now I'm living in Australia. Difference is that I did not have father, only mum and stepmum and 7 siblings. My mum believes in God and Jesus,but she's got mental illness. She still worked though and lived on her own. That's not the point. But she did not want me to move to Australia. She liked, now my husband, but she did not want to let me go. I was 23 at that time, just finished my child care studies. My husband was having holiday over there where I lived. That's how we met. He was seeing his mum and sisters over there. He had to return to work to Australia. We wrote to each other and there were lot of phone calls. I started to organize my papers to be able to move to Australia, our relationship was that serious. All that waiting period time my mum was against the idea, talked with my neighbour badly about my hubby and said it's not going to work. One of my relative also said, how can I leave my mum. My mother has many sisters and brothers close by + three sons close by. So it was not that she didn't have help if she needed it. I had hard times, while waiting papers to be ready and it took for about 6 months. We were still in love to each other, hubby and me. My mum said same thing to me : 'Love is blind'. Yes it might be, but as you said you work on your relationship. I was not going to just please my mum, who was controlling her adult 'Child'. I love my mum,but that was my decision, I prayed about it as did my hubby. And here I am in a beautiful Australia and been married to my dear husband for 14 and half years. Yes, we have had our arguments, but our relationship is stonger than it used to be. We could have given up, but God has been with us, His been faithful. And my mum is ok now about it.This is not to say or tell you what to do in your situation. I can't live your life, you need to make your decision about your life and pray about it. But I just wanted to share my story with you. And you are in my prayers. May God give you wisdom in your situation,what to do.Love & Blessings,Thunder1

 

[His By Grace]

Lacey, Would it be asking too much to tell your age? Also, you said you weren't one to really be into dating. How many other people have you ever dated? Do you have anyone to compare this relationship to? I would say that deep in your "gut" you probably have a feeling as to what the Lord is telling you about Stephen. You really do have to go with that. Your parents are not accountable to the Lord for your decisions. You are. Sometimes hard decisions are still right ones. It sounds like either way you go it's going to be difficult for you. Would you be able to live the rest of your life wondering what ever became of Stephen or do you think, in the back of your mind that God has someone else for you? These are questions only you can answer. Don't even think about the things your parents are tellling you if you are "of age" to seek the Lord on your own. I say this to cause no disrespect, because you can still respect your parents and make your own decisions. In your opinion, it sounds like you question the spiritual discernment of what they are saying and their motives. If you can get the book "Boundaries", that is a great book on this very topic. My counselor told me to read it and it helped a lot. I pray the Lord will bless you as you seek Him.

 

[ForYou]

I am definately going to pray for you!!!I am still very young,and I have realized though parents try to hold on to you as long as they can,and they will blind themselves,Not caring what you want and just trying to make you stay,It seems wrong and is,But they just love you!!!,And it is always good to have those kind of parents!!!,You really need to sit them down and talk to them,If you believe that this is the guy God has led you to,TAKE IT,But again i will pray for you!!!I hope everything works outKeep us posted

 

[w0r5h1p]

I can't thank you guys enough for all the encouragement you have given me! and the prayers!!Thunder1 - Thank you so much for your story! That was wonderful! It really has helped me and I will continue to pray about it. =) I will keep you in my prayers and I am so happy that you found God's direction for your life in all of that! His By Grace - No, I've never been with anyone else, but I am so dang picky that I never gave any guy who was interested in me a chance! haha.. my parents have pointed out guys to me and I'd always find something about them I didn't like.. but, it was so strange.. I've never felt that way about Stephen, as soon as I saw him.. as soon as I started to get to know him.. I fell. I have never been "attracted" to a guy before and him.. I can't keep my eyes off of! I have never met another man so in love with the Lord.. we have hourly Bible studies on the phone everyday.. he has helped me grow so much in the Lord and I will be forever grateful to him for that. God has blessed me so much with Stephen.. I even love all of his faults.. and if you know me, I don't have a very high tolerance for people - sad to say.. but, I just don't.. I'm not good at liking people. But, with Stephen, I can't find anything I don't like about him. He's just incredible. Thank you so much for those questions you asked me!! It really got me thinking and helped me tremendously... the whole time I've been trying to please my parents in this whole thing and please Stephen - and it's not working out. The questions you have asked me really got me to think outside of the box and really question what's important here. I've been praying about Stephen since the day I met him and I can't imagine anyone else that God would have me be with! But, you know - to my parents, I'm immature.. so, I don't really know if this is the guy. I will continue to pray about this and I thank you so much for your prayers!!I will definitely be looking into the book you mentioned! Thank you!I also have a question - when you say "of age".. It's always been a question to me when you are "of age" to make all your own decisions and what you believe God is leading you towards... It says in the Bible (not exactly sure on the verse) something about being of age in your land.. Ah, I can't think of it! Well, around here.. the age of our land to start making your own decisions is 18.. do you know where I'm going with this? hehe... I think I'm trying to ask.. what do you think the age is that God would let you make decisions outside of your parents? Dukester - Thank you for your encouragement and prayers! I really appreciate it! And yes, I am very blessed to have parents that love me so much!! =) Thank you all again!!I'm praying for you All!God Bless,~Lacey

 

[followerofchrist]

(w0r5h1p;32312)
.. and if you know me, I don't have a very high tolerance for people - sad to say.. but, I just don't.. I'm not good at liking people...
Really? I have known you for a while now and I have never picked that up...guess I only see the good side!

 

[w0r5h1p]

(followerofchrist;32313)
Really? I have known you for a while now and I have never picked that up...guess I only see the good side!

hahaha! yeah, you haven't seen that side of me. I'm not good with people at all! That's why I was so dang surprised when I liked Stephen - and he likes me! can you believe he even likes my stubbornness? and controlling attitude? lol.. I'm working on those 2.. but, the awesome thing is - he's helping me! I love him so much.

 

[followerofchrist]

(w0r5h1p;32349)
hahaha! yeah, you haven't seen that side of me. I'm not good with people at all! That's why I was so dang surprised when I liked Stephen - and he likes me! can you believe he even likes my stubbornness? and controlling attitude? lol.. I'm working on those 2.. but, the awesome thing is - he's helping me! I love him so much.
Its not suprising that I haven't ever seen that side of you. I figure you would have to be mad at me first and nobody can ever stay mad at me for more than a few seconds.

 

[His By Grace]

Well, Lacey, what I picked up on first, is that you addressed each person that encouraged you. That means you took time to be thoughtful. And you did think about what each person said because you commented on specifics. That does show maturity. Also, the fact that you are taking time to study the Bible and you desire a Godly man is so wonderfully awesome to me! I am very proud of your decisions in those areas. It sounds as if you are taking your time to pray and seek out the Lord's voice. He always make Himself known to those who spend time with Him. He will reward you for your diligence. I guess I do think one should be at least 18 before talking about marriage, but I can tell you that my oldest daughter is already talking about it and she is 17. Some people do mature more quickly than others. I guess you can't write an age in stone. It's funny how some people got married when they were so young and have stayed married for years. It's all in the "want to". Love isn't a feeling. It is a decision or comittment. In 1 Corinthians 13, love is described as patient, kind, not jealous, not boastful,etc. These are things that take action; not just the warm fuzzies to get through life! So, no matter how wonderful you think Stephen is now, there probably will come a day when some things about him will get on your nerves. It's okay. That doesn't mean he was the wrong man. It just means the old devil is trying to tear up another family because they vowed before the Lord. Another thing that helped me in counseling is that everyone comes with a set of faults. When you change mates, you're exchanging one set of faults that you are used to for different ones. I found that interesting. So,... be sure you are completely honest when you look at this man. It's okay to see his faults and he should see yours. We shouldn't be a bunch of fakes to others. We should be people of integrity. I wish you the absolute best God has for you. Let me know if you have any other questions. I'm no expert, but I have been married for 20 years and I have had my share of marriage counseling too. We would all be at a loss without the Lord.