To the Married men..

[Hazelelponi]

I will ask for some prayers later in this post, but I also need a little advice. You'd think I shouldn't need it but I kinda do.

So, my husband and I really are dirt poor, we are oh so happy and content in life, but we honestly don't have much by way of the material at all.

We have a neighbor who ran short on food last month.

A couple things you need to know about me, I will give anything anyone asks of me when it comes to food, and that is perhaps to a fault, because if it means I'll go hungry I'll still do it.

However in this situation we've been just fine, I've been able to make sure the neighbor ate every day, and it's not taking anything from us in the short term. (I'm super careful with my resources and I'm good at making sure we always have enough, so we still had plenty that could be shared.)

At any rate, two days in a row the neighbor came over when my husband was napping. At the second time day the neighbor came when my husband was sleeping everything changed.

Now my husband has changed his nap schedule and is running interference, making sure said male neighbor isn't talking to me.

Which, I'm perfectly fine with. I'm not at all upset about that - and women's libbers need not comment on this. I happen to think it's a good thing myself.

But I asked my husband yesterday to get some food from the freezer for said neighbor and take it to him, it was just a light suggestion, nothing that out of my mouth was anything more than hey why don't you do this.

But my husband never did bring him any food.

Do I just not worry about it and leave it in my husband's hand alone now? I'm a little worried said neighbor won't have anything to eat today...

So... What should I do? I don't always know how men think. .

Also, I would request prayer for said neighbor. He could use to know Jesus... And have his physical needs met.

 

[Debp]

Do I just not worry about it and leave it in my husband's hand alone now? I'm a little worried said neighbor won't have anything to eat today...

Maybe for now leave it in your husband's hands. Perhaps he senses something about the neighbor?

How old is the neighbor? Is he married, divorced, single? Does he work?

In this world, we sometimes need to use caution.

P.S. Is there a food bank in your area the neighbor can get to?

 

[Hazelelponi]

Maybe for now leave it in your husband's hands. Perhaps he senses something about the neighbor?

How old is the neighbor? Is he married, divorced, single? Does he work?

In this world, we sometimes need to use caution.

P.S. Is there a food bank in your area the neighbor can get to?

No, not this time of month. We are so far out the food bank is a 45 minute drive and it's only available to go to once a month... There's a certain day it's open.

The one's in the closest town to us (different county though) we can't go to because we don't have the right address to go there.

The neighbor is our age and divorced. He's my husband's cousin.

And I know exactly why my husband is doing this. The issue for me isn't that he is, it's that he didn't seem to put the same emphasis I feel on making sure the guy is okay I guess.

The neighbor could knock on another door today, but it's driving and gas I don't know if he has..

 

[Debp]

The neighbor is our age and divorced. He's my husband's cousin.

Oh, so he's family. That makes a difference.

Maybe you could ask him to phone before he comes over? That way, if your husband isn't home, perhaps you could suggest another time.

 

[Debp]

The neighbor is our age and divorced. He's my husband's cousin.

How's the situation now?

 

[Hazelelponi]

How's the situation now?

Life is back to normal once more!

Praise God, and thanks for the advice!

 

[Nancy]

Life is back to normal once more!

Praise God, and thanks for the advice!

Debp does have good pearls of wisdom for practical as well as spiritual! You go @Debp !!
So happy that things are back to normal for you!

 

[marks]

So... What should I do? I don't always know how men think. .

Also, I would request prayer for said neighbor. He could use to know Jesus... And have his physical needs met.

I'd speak with your husband directly regarding this. That you've been helping to supply some food, and does he want to continue that? Ask to pray together about this. Let him know your feelings about helping others, let him see your heart.

Much love!

Edit to add . . . it looks like it's resolved, that's good!!

 

[amigo de christo]

I will ask for some prayers later in this post, but I also need a little advice. You'd think I shouldn't need it but I kinda do.

So, my husband and I really are dirt poor, we are oh so happy and content in life, but we honestly don't have much by way of the material at all.

We have a neighbor who ran short on food last month.

A couple things you need to know about me, I will give anything anyone asks of me when it comes to food, and that is perhaps to a fault, because if it means I'll go hungry I'll still do it.

However in this situation we've been just fine, I've been able to make sure the neighbor ate every day, and it's not taking anything from us in the short term. (I'm super careful with my resources and I'm good at making sure we always have enough, so we still had plenty that could be shared.)

At any rate, two days in a row the neighbor came over when my husband was napping. At the second time day the neighbor came when my husband was sleeping everything changed.

Now my husband has changed his nap schedule and is running interference, making sure said male neighbor isn't talking to me.

Which, I'm perfectly fine with. I'm not at all upset about that - and women's libbers need not comment on this. I happen to think it's a good thing myself.

But I asked my husband yesterday to get some food from the freezer for said neighbor and take it to him, it was just a light suggestion, nothing that out of my mouth was anything more than hey why don't you do this.

But my husband never did bring him any food.

Do I just not worry about it and leave it in my husband's hand alone now? I'm a little worried said neighbor won't have anything to eat today...

So... What should I do? I don't always know how men think. .

Also, I would request prayer for said neighbor. He could use to know Jesus... And have his physical needs met.

Put that neighbor in GODS hands . He tried to put his hand in the sugar cup of which was not to be touched .
sorry for the expression . BUT the man did wrong . You put him in GODS hands . keep praying FOR HIM .
My advice also is that both you and your husband talk to the man . Explain to HIM his wrong doing
and let him know that he is free to have some food but NEEDS to cease with the other stuff . Perhaps you can do that .

 

[Starise]

I think using caution here is the right thing to do. Helping is ok, but I would only do that as the Lord leads.

I had a "situation" once that I won't go into detail except to say that some things happened with my wife and a guy that I thought was ok who was coming over. She is no longer my wife.

I know this guy is family sort of, but still this should all be handled by your husband.

I came from a church where women and men don't hug, but at my new church we all hug and I see them all as sisters and brothers, but that's a different environment and it's nothing more than saying hello. If I EVER felt like it was anything more than that I would not be hugging that person. I do feel like we are more like family because of that lack of a partition there. We had a crazy dude who once only hugged the women at another church and he was taken aside for a little 'discussion'.I prayed for a sister in Christ the other night and placed my hand on her shoulder. I felt led to do that. No more to it than that. I don't often do that but this was something demonic in nature that we were praying to have her delivered from. "Laying on of hands" is a big thing in some churches but we need to be careful who is doing it.

Men are naturally protective of their wives and sometimes we think we can trust someone who really isn't trust worthy. I also understand it takes two. If you don't get close to the fire, you won't be burned.

These casual things that go to serious things ruin marriages every day. NIce can be misinterpreted which is sad when it is because we need to use those gifts, but also use much discretion.

I was PMing a woman I was ministering to but it was getting to the place where I needed to bring in another female minister, and that's how I generally do it if pming a woman unless it's someone I already knew- I know deb here and we pm all the time. No harm done. If it's someone I am unfamiliar with, especially if it's an unbeliever and there could be problems, since I am a married man and so was she, I needed some help there. Thankfully that situation no longer exists, or it only exists in a public format.

Just some things to think about

 

[Hazelelponi]

@Starise

Thanks for such a well thought out reply.

We do, as a married couple have an approach to him specifically that always works for us..

This was just one of those instances where unusual circumstances were throwing it off... and I wasn't sure how to handle it properly.

I'm not a hugger of men but I was a very public person earlier in my life and I do the handshaking thing with new introductions, and then just avoid physical contact thereafter.

 

[Debp]

Debp does have good pearls of wisdom for practical as well as spiritual! You go @Debp !!
So happy that things are back to normal for you!

Thanks Nancy for your kind words and encouragement!

 

[Soyeong]

I will ask for some prayers later in this post, but I also need a little advice. You'd think I shouldn't need it but I kinda do.

So, my husband and I really are dirt poor, we are oh so happy and content in life, but we honestly don't have much by way of the material at all.

We have a neighbor who ran short on food last month.

A couple things you need to know about me, I will give anything anyone asks of me when it comes to food, and that is perhaps to a fault, because if it means I'll go hungry I'll still do it.

However in this situation we've been just fine, I've been able to make sure the neighbor ate every day, and it's not taking anything from us in the short term. (I'm super careful with my resources and I'm good at making sure we always have enough, so we still had plenty that could be shared.)

At any rate, two days in a row the neighbor came over when my husband was napping. At the second time day the neighbor came when my husband was sleeping everything changed.

Now my husband has changed his nap schedule and is running interference, making sure said male neighbor isn't talking to me.

Which, I'm perfectly fine with. I'm not at all upset about that - and women's libbers need not comment on this. I happen to think it's a good thing myself.

But I asked my husband yesterday to get some food from the freezer for said neighbor and take it to him, it was just a light suggestion, nothing that out of my mouth was anything more than hey why don't you do this.

But my husband never did bring him any food.

Do I just not worry about it and leave it in my husband's hand alone now? I'm a little worried said neighbor won't have anything to eat today...

So... What should I do? I don't always know how men think. .

Also, I would request prayer for said neighbor. He could use to know Jesus... And have his physical needs met.

I would never spend time alone with a woman who is not my wife and vice versa for my wife, so if your neighbor wants to come over when your husband is not around, then tell them to come back later. It is good to provide food for them, but you do not need to be their only source of food and they should not be dependent on you as their only source of food, so encourage them to go to food shelves in your area or to seek help from other programs designed to help people get back on their feet. Have a conversation with you husband to discuss what ways you should help your neighbor and what boundaries you should have.

 

[Zachariah.]

I will ask for some prayers later in this post, but I also need a little advice. You'd think I shouldn't need it but I kinda do.

So, my husband and I really are dirt poor, we are oh so happy and content in life, but we honestly don't have much by way of the material at all.

We have a neighbor who ran short on food last month.

A couple things you need to know about me, I will give anything anyone asks of me when it comes to food, and that is perhaps to a fault, because if it means I'll go hungry I'll still do it.

However in this situation we've been just fine, I've been able to make sure the neighbor ate every day, and it's not taking anything from us in the short term. (I'm super careful with my resources and I'm good at making sure we always have enough, so we still had plenty that could be shared.)

At any rate, two days in a row the neighbor came over when my husband was napping. At the second time day the neighbor came when my husband was sleeping everything changed.

Now my husband has changed his nap schedule and is running interference, making sure said male neighbor isn't talking to me.

Which, I'm perfectly fine with. I'm not at all upset about that - and women's libbers need not comment on this. I happen to think it's a good thing myself.

But I asked my husband yesterday to get some food from the freezer for said neighbor and take it to him, it was just a light suggestion, nothing that out of my mouth was anything more than hey why don't you do this.

But my husband never did bring him any food.

Do I just not worry about it and leave it in my husband's hand alone now? I'm a little worried said neighbor won't have anything to eat today...

So... What should I do? I don't always know how men think. .

Also, I would request prayer for said neighbor. He could use to know Jesus... And have his physical needs met.

For starters, your husband is treading a fine line. Your are an adult and can make your own decisions about who you talk to and what you get upto. If he is losing sleep over this than this has become controlling. Maybe he thinks you are easy taken advantage of? Your a yes girl?

The food however is not just yours. Although I think you are doing the right thing I suggest you both sit down and come up with a compromise.

 

[Nancy]

Thanks Nancy for your kind words and encouragement!

For certain sister, you are more than welcome. My spirit knows that yours is true, and Holy Spirit driven. Would have been wonderful to have a mentor, and one like yourself. God bless and keep you and those you love.

 

[Debp]

I would never spend time alone with a woman who is not my wife and vice versa for my wife, so if your neighbor wants to come over when your husband is not around, then tell them to come back later. It is good to provide food for them, but you do not need to be their only source of food and they should not be dependent on you as their only source of food, so encourage them to go to food shelves in your area or to seek help from other programs designed to help people get back on their feet. Have a conversation with you husband to discuss what ways you should help your neighbor and what boundaries you should have.

We did find out the neighbor is her husband's cousin.
But, of course, one still has to be careful.