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Understanding MPD/DID & SRA/MK

Discussion in 'Addiction & Recovery Forum' started by TLHKAJ, Sep 23, 2020.

  1. lilygrace

    lilygrace Well-Known Member

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    Yeah they didn't help me any i don't really remember. But if they helped I wouldn't have took those pills....
     
  2. lilygrace

    lilygrace Well-Known Member

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    east of eden?
     
  3. lilygrace

    lilygrace Well-Known Member

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    my uncle tried to move in with us who could be in trouble with the law. he left and has been roaming the streets.
    today mom brought up how i walke dthe streets when i was upset about a family fight....
    and she said she didnt like what her husband was beign accused of.
    i left cos my sister was being a jerk and making it worse
    this reminded her of that...
    well gee thanks
    and she and everyone calls him a liar.
    shes obsessed with if God wants her to let him live there .
     
  4. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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  5. lilygrace

    lilygrace Well-Known Member

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    i feel nauseous hearing about ezekiel and putting skin on bones...
    i feel like im antichrist if the bible makes me uncomfortable
    another thing was the story with elijah and someone leaning over a boy. made me feel freaked out.
     
  6. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    Having triggers around scripture doesn't make you antichrist. Most, if not all survivors have triggers around scripture. Programmers use scripture in programming (given a twisted meaning).

    Scripture was used in my programming and it made it difficult at times to read the Bible, especially when those alters were close to the forefront.
     
  7. lilygrace

    lilygrace Well-Known Member

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    intellectually i understand but i feel deep down i feel reprobate and rebellious :(
     
  8. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    I understand. These feelings and beliefs may be coming from part/s. I'd like to suggest that you ask the Lord to reveal what you need to know about this, and trust Him to bring the truth to you.
     
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  9. Mayflower

    Mayflower Well-Known Member

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  10. Mayflower

    Mayflower Well-Known Member

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  11. lilygrace

    lilygrace Well-Known Member

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    the whole mother figure choosing a sibling over me every time and favoring her is basically remnants of my childhood. while its likely my dad abused my other siblings or her..... he was always around me more. was it set up that way for the crazy making?
    i was never called a pet name like my sister was.... just as a small child which led to tackling extra words to make it perverted.....
    i feel like my mother withholding love from me now and then like she did made me vulnerable to stuff. he never does it when she is more loving to me ....
    and today my dad called me thing 1 and hes thing 2 like we are part of each other and attached to me....bonded.
    he always said that im like him and look like him.
     
  12. Mayflower

    Mayflower Well-Known Member

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    I think God would want you to know that He loves you and favors you. He has chosen you and given you purpose, hope, love, and a future. His opinion/Truth is what matters more then what anyone else says or does. You are with God and bonded to Him in a good way
     
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  13. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    Thank you, @Mayflower. In my beginning years, I had a really well-trained and God sent TPM (theophostic prayer minister). She was diligent to study and learn and was very God-led. She did eventually succumb to cult pressure and tactics. She came under severe attack and then became weary. We did most of our work long distance (phone about once a week and emailed several times a day) because she was over 2 hours away. We never had a set schedule, but worked as the need came. All our session records were on her laptop which was stolen out of her church office during a church service. Things like that happened a lot.

    Anyway ...all that to say, Theophostics is a wonderful tool, as ling as you find a minister who is very careful about using mental imagery. One thing I stress is that ministry needs to be very truth-based. A minister should never suggest things. For example, when a child alter surfaced with trauma memories, one minister would say something like, "Do you see Jesus there? What's He doing?" That's crazy ....one should never suggest things like that, especially when most SRA/MK has been geared to presenting the child with false Jesuses. It's basically asking the alter to imagine Jesus is there.

    A better approach would be to share with that alter about Jesus as that alter is open to learning. It can be a long process or it can be really quick introducing alters to Jesus. And the best way is to work with the "core" or main front Christian alter and teach them to remain co-conscious during ministry sessions so that they can be instrumental in inviting Jesus into that whole process. So that would be a truth-based approach rather than asking parts to imagine Jesus is there. And there are ministers who will work more along these lines.

    True theophostic ministry is based on, "You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." So they emphasize inviting Jesus to reveal the truth to the person/alter who is feeling pain/trauma. Usually, when we are subjected to repeated trauma, the mind latches onto a lot of lie-based thinking such as, "I'm evil/bad/dirty; I deserved it; I'm not a real person..." ....and so on and so forth. When Jesus is invited to shine His light into our innermost being and bring truth, it makes us free! :)

    Btw ...I couldn't get the theophostic link to open.
     
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  14. Mayflower

    Mayflower Well-Known Member

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    Hmmm let me try again.
     
  15. Mayflower

    Mayflower Well-Known Member

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    This is a great diagram on theophostic prayer



    FB_IMG_1647109367814.jpg
     
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  16. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    What you're saying makes perfect sense to me. And sad to say, these dynamics within your family were orchestrated and planned. Your parents would have handlers who dictate to them how each child should be treated (abused). The purpose is to build a wedge between you and other family members ...no safe ties, in other words. That's how the cult works.

    What you're feeling related to your dad is a lot like it was between my dad and me. My older sister was favored by him. I was not favored. I was the black sheep or not as good. I was beaten a lot by him. My younger brother was basically invisible ...as if he didn't exist (to our dad) ...except to make fun of him in front of company.

    When it came to our mom, she showed love the best she knew how to all of us. But I was the one who she leaned on and who took the load whenever she needed to place the guilt somewhere. She told us kids daily that she loved us ...even hugged us. But she was weak and broken ...and whenever she had some trigger, she'd yell at us kids... "I HATE you! I wish you were NEVER BORN!!" She'd send us to our room and then run to her room and just sob uncontrollably. I'd feel so bad (not even knowing what I/we did), I'd go to her and tell her I was sorry. Then she'd be okay. So ....my belief was that it was my fault and I carried the load of guilt ...anytime something goes bad, it must be my fault. So I had to always make everyone around me "okay." That was my job. My needs didn't matter ...in fact, I had no concept of having needs.

    I had a deep trauma bond with my mom from early childhood. I had an alter with a memory from maybe age 2 or 3 of sitting on the floor with my mom's head in my lap. She had been hurt badly and was out of her head moaning in pain. I believed she would die if I didn't look after her and care for her till she was better. That instilled in me from an early age that when someone is hurt, it's my fault/my responsibility to make sure they are okay or they don't die.

    I think your family dynamics are a lot like mine were. I'm not saying your experiences are exactly the same. But the cult (via your parents/family) has gone to great lengths to make you the scapegoat, and it's all a sick game they play. It is all orchestrated to keep you trapped in their loop. (Not your fault.) But knowing how they work often helps us see the truth easier. And the truth is .... you're not what or who they say you are. Like @Mayflower said, you're a daughter of God, and you have so much value that His Son Jesus gave His very life blood for you to be His daughter.❤️
     
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2022
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  17. lilygrace

    lilygrace Well-Known Member

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    i was told only once that if my mom killed herself it would be my fault. that was only once. i was 14.
    when i left my family would tell me dad was sick and he might be dying and i should make up with him before he dies. its been three years i guess and hes still alive....more energy than i have....
    to be fair my dad must notice me or he wouldnt have SA'd me if it even counts as that.
     
  18. Mayflower

    Mayflower Well-Known Member

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    My dad SA'd me too, lilygrace. My mom would make him turn his head for every other woman, including my sister. But not for me since I was a child. I was still made to stay apart from him. We were all supposed to stay in our designated rooms/spaces. Mom would be upset if we seemed to connect to each other besides her and never without her. When she worked I was supposed to stay in the livingroom and I didn't. I went to the unchained backroom... He was locked up there usually with a deadbolt and chain. And I asked to play games. I think I blamed myself for the abuse for the longest time because of that.

    When my mom and dad divorced when I was fifteen, mom first told me that they were separated and I told her I was glad. But then she said that she was just seeing how I would feel about separation and since I was glad, they would stay separated.

    These are just mind games that the enemy uses. It isn't anything you did or I did. It is enemy tactics to bring guilt and shame. Because the enemy knows if there is guilt and shame, then we are hindered from loving and helping others. It is a means of control. Healing and relinquishing that pain to God and forgiveness releases from guilt and shame. We are already free and it is just getting that message to all hidden parts of our spirit that thinks/feels different.
     
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  19. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    Are you able to see the game they've played, sis? They have taken every opportunity to press you down. If your mother kills herself, it's her own fault. How any parent can blame a child is beyond me. They're the parent. If something goes wrong it's on the parents. But this too is more mind game. I really hope you can see it. I hope you can bring these things to the Lord to bring healing truth.
     
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  20. lilygrace

    lilygrace Well-Known Member

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    idk. i always end up feeling guilty and a false accuser. this isnt new news though but still
     
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