i was told only once that if my mom killed herself it would be my fault. that was only once. i was 14.
when i left my family would tell me dad was sick and he might be dying and i should make up with him before he dies. its been three years i guess and hes still alive....more energy than i have....
to be fair my dad must notice me or he wouldnt have SA'd me if it even counts as that.
My dad SA'd me too, lilygrace. My mom would make him turn his head for every other woman, including my sister. But not for me since I was a child. I was still made to stay apart from him. We were all supposed to stay in our designated rooms/spaces. Mom would be upset if we seemed to connect to each other besides her and never without her. When she worked I was supposed to stay in the livingroom and I didn't. I went to the unchained backroom... He was locked up there usually with a deadbolt and chain. And I asked to play games. I think I blamed myself for the abuse for the longest time because of that.
When my mom and dad divorced when I was fifteen, mom first told me that they were separated and I told her I was glad. But then she said that she was just seeing how I would feel about separation and since I was glad, they would stay separated.
These are just mind games that the enemy uses. It isn't anything you did or I did. It is enemy tactics to bring guilt and shame. Because the enemy knows if there is guilt and shame, then we are hindered from loving and helping others. It is a means of control. Healing and relinquishing that pain to God and forgiveness releases from guilt and shame. We are already free and it is just getting that message to all hidden parts of our spirit that thinks/feels different.