I don't mind sharing here because what I write may be of service to others who are keeping abreast of this topic. If it seems like I have it all together, then let me assure you this is not the case. I'm in the midst of a fiery trial which is engaging a system of alters and driving me, the host personality, mad with despair and rage. Mad, because I've been experiencing co-presence with an alter I wasn't aware of before.
This alter is rage incarnate... how else can I put it? The intensity shakes me and I was not prepared to share space with this alter whose mindless fury exceeds anything I've experienced before. But then my experience has been defined by the Lord and His work so there are many things that I, the presenter personality, know nothing about. Unless the Lord reveals it to me I'm in the dark about it. My awareness of DID and MKULtra are the fruit of His promise. Co-presence is the beginning of knowledge but this trial has taken me to the depths of despair, and then thrust me into rage which burns like fire.
The fire can't be extinguished. He's consumed with despair because my adopted mother passed from this world, and he was ferociously devoted to her. He cannot believe that she's gone and so he's inconsolable. It's tearing my heart to pieces because there's nothing I can do to comfort this alternate personality... I share in his grief because I loved her, too.
