Understanding MPD/DID & SRA/MK

[TLHKAJ]

Internally
Dealing with abandonment . Helplessness and wanting a mother . I see a child curled up with a stuffed animal in fetal position .

Aww, sis. I'm wondering how you're doing right now. I have had parts like this. Fetal position almost always means deep early trauma.

I'm praying for your comfort, for this little one who feels abandoned. I hope you'll be able to bring her to yourself and offer her the nurture she needs.

*hugs*

 

[TLHKAJ]

I mentioned pulling this little one yourself and offering her the nurture she needs. This takes time, because bringing alters close to yourself can be overwhelming because you feel what they feel.

Over time, you can learn to sit with these little ones, and cry with them...but in your crying, cry out to Jesus and allow Him to comfort you/both.

This may be triggering, but I want to share an experience I had back in 2008. Here's some background. Due to having been subjected to satanic rituals that took place inside Christian churches, there were many triggers I had to push through. Sometimes, I would have to quietly exit a service to find an empty room to be alone...me, the Lord, and wounded littles.

One night, I dreamed I was in a church sanctuary, sitting on the altar. I saw a little girl walking past me, looking at me. I sensed her pain and that she needed me. I held my arms out to her and she came to me. I held her, there on the altar ...it was amazing. Soon after that dream, I went to the church I was attending at the time. They would leave the sanctuary open for people to come pray during the day. So I went and that day, I was there alone. I went and sat on the altar and had a good time of prayer...me, and this little one. Much healing took place that day and I didn't have those invasive triggers after that. Things progressively got easier as this little one grew in strength and finally merged.

 

[lilygrace]

Thank you. Sorry i haven't responded

 

[lilygrace]

I woke up this morning with a swollen cheek and gums. Its numb like I've gone to the dentist
I had a terrible dream last night.

I hadn't watched any church today at all.
Actually wrong. Someone had a service on but i don't even remember it.

Hope everyone is doing okay.

 

[TLHKAJ]

Thank you. Sorry i haven't responded

Hey sis. It's okay. Sometimes life happens and we can't reply right away.

I woke up this morning with a swollen cheek and gums. Its numb like I've gone to the dentist
I had a terrible dream last night.

I hadn't watched any church today at all.
Actually wrong. Someone had a service on but i don't even remember it.

Hope everyone is doing okay.

Sis, it sounds like an accessing. I have experienced these "mysterious injuries" before as well.

If you want to share your dream in private message, feel free.

*hugs*

 

[lilygrace]

When I read this, my heart ached, as I told you part of your name is the name of my first who I can't be there for right now. Hopefully after she turns 18 that will change. And that is not too far off.

I can tell you this, the Bible says that God is a father to the fatherless- but also embodies the nurturing of a mother.

"For thus says the Lord:

Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river,
and the glory of the nations like an overflowing stream;
and you shall nurse, you shall be carried upon her hip,
and bounced upon her knees.

As one whom his mother comforts,
so I will comfort you..."

Delight in the joys of the Lord - the scriptures, the psalms, and the singing and praise, and he will comfort you.

thank you for posting to me. i appreciate it. i was touched. i did not know what to say. you have been kind to me since i joined here.

 

[lilygrace]

Aww, sis. I'm wondering how you're doing right now. I have had parts like this. Fetal position almost always means deep early trauma.

I'm praying for your comfort, for this little one who feels abandoned. I hope you'll be able to bring her to yourself and offer her the nurture she needs.

*hugs*

i wish i knew how to do alll this *hugs*
but yeah i wasnt in fetal position but i felt like i had a vision of someone doing it. i dont know if tha tmakes sense or just scares anyone.

 

[TLHKAJ]

i wish i knew how to do alll this *hugs*
but yeah i wasnt in fetal position but i felt like i had a vision of someone doing it. i dont know if tha tmakes sense or just scares anyone.

It makes perfect sense to me. That "vision" is what I call "seeing inside." I would venture to say that you were seeing/connecting with a part of yourself.

 

[lilygrace]

are you sure you are in a good place to hear my dream? its ... graphic and weird.

 

[TLHKAJ]

i wish i knew how to do alll this

It's not always easy, to be honest. It is often more like being swept by a tidal wave when connecting with alters who hold trauma. It takes time... but you're never alone. I know it's hard to see it at times, but Jesus is with you in your suffering.

Matthew 25:40 (KJV) And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

Hebrews 4:15 (KJV) For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.

 

[TLHKAJ]

are you sure you are in a good place to hear my dream? its ... graphic and weird.

I'll be fine. I have a feeling it's important to bring things out and process the dream.
Thank you for asking.
*big hugs*

 

[Jostler]

Song of Songs 2:10-14 NKJV — My beloved spoke, and said to me:
“Rise up, my love, my fair one,
And come away. For lo, the winter is past,
The rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth;
The time of singing has come,
And the voice of the turtledove
Is heard in our land. The fig tree puts forth her green figs,
And the vines with the tender grapes
Give a good smell.
Rise up, my love, my fair one,
And come away! “O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
In the secret places of the cliff,
Let me see your face,
Let me hear your voice;
For your voice is sweet,
And your face is lovely.”

Zephaniah 3:17 NKJV — The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”

 

[lilygrace]

I've been silent but don't take this in the wrong light, lilygrace. I read everything you write and I identify with abandonment and the need for a mother. Indeed, the woman who gave birth to me disowned me long ago. She despised me and this was only magnified after the Lord revealed Himself. I dropped everything the moment the Lord said, Come to Me.

I, being the host and presenter, am reluctant to write more than I already have as you also feel the need for restraint. I tried to end my life many times over the years, with a few of those attempts landing me in the hospital. Not for a lack of trying on my part.

I'm quiet because of the revelation. What the Lord reveals often leaves me trembling and exhausted... but I'm still here, lilygrace. I endure.

thank you for replying.
i am sorry you went through all that.
i really hope to endure and that even my alters wont turn against me. the thoughts of suicide can be very scary.
i am glad you are enduring <3

 

[lilygrace]

Song of Songs 2:10-14 NKJV — My beloved spoke, and said to me:


Zephaniah 3:17 NKJV — The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”

did i send you my poem? a poem i wrote mentions the Lord singing over me..

 

[lilygrace]

i might post my poem here too. i havent really shared much of my creativity. i just try to protect myself but i also dont want to miss things im supposed to do. ill pray about it.

 

[TLHKAJ]

did i send you my poem? a poem i wrote mentions the Lord singing over me..

I was going to ask you if you wanted to share that with him. Amazing words. Or maybe share it here (minus identifying tag/name).

 

[lilygrace]

i wrote this during the weekend. dont remember exactly when. i am not sure if i should set it to music or not. maybe one day. this isnt posted anywhere public so it cant be traced to me.......

deleted!

i deleted this because we had posted it elswhere and remembered doing so. people tracking it to here if they chose to google the words for a random reason is risky.

 

[TLHKAJ]

I think it would be absolutely beautiful set to music. Who knows? Maybe it will be one of those psalms that are sung in house churches and underground churches in soon coming days. I think God has given you a heart of worship ...He brings the most beautiful praises out of the most shattered places.

 

[Jostler]

Lily, I would like to encourage you to share that poem....it beautifully describes an important "place" in Him. Yes, it was your psalm that inspired me to post those verses about His joy in us....singing over us. Sharing Psalms is a gift to the Body....ablessing to us. Shattered also seems to have the gift for composingpsalms....his recent "Lament...." is one.

1 Corinthians 14:26 NKJV — How is it then, brethren? Whenever you come together, each of you has a psalm, has a teaching, has a tongue, has a revelation, has an interpretation. Let all things be done for edification.

 

[Jostler]

Composing and sharing psalms in the assembly is one of His choices for the Body to minister to itself.