Understanding MPD/DID & SRA/MK

[truthquest]

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Prayer Warrior left the forum back in January, TruthQuest. Just a heads up that you likely wouldn't get any responses from her.

Ok. I'm just trying to catch up in the thread since I got here late. I missed a lot of posts that I might want to comment on.

 

[Hidden In Him]

Ok. I'm just trying to catch up in the thread since I got here late. I missed a lot of posts that I might want to comment on.

You are a welcome addition here, to say the least.

 

[truthquest]

You are a welcome addition here, to say the least.

I appreciate that. Thank you.

 

[lilygrace]

i really dont want to post this in my thread about self harm. i dont feel i need someone to tell me to see a doctor. my family would love if i was back on medicine to shut me up more. not that im saying much or anything at all..

anyway...i self harmed tonight. i guess you can consider it self harm. if i dont have a tool i tend to bite or hit myself. i feel like a freak. i feel very scapegoated. my whole family treats me the same. a couple of the younger children used to even treat me very rudely.
my niece made a snide remark that ill stay up til midnight.
i havent been sleeping well. or ill do homework late. i felt mocked. like i dont deserve rest cos i go to bed late.
they always made me feel this way.
my sister had her birthday and they thanked God for her loyalty. whatever that means. sure doesnt show loyalty to me since my nickname is joked about with her and her daughter. my abuse was open a bit and in private. seeing it in open seems so complicit now. but i still feel horrible.

 

[truthquest]

Yes, a lot is still hidden. There are so few survivors who gain total freedom. The info about cues come from (former cult-loyal/bonded) alters changing loyalties and sharing their cues and revealing who their handlers are. The fact that there isn't a lot more info about cues is reflective of how few SRA/MK victims gain enough freedom to learn what their cues are. The majority of what I know comes from what my alters shared with me, and also other survivors I know as we share back and forth.

I know what some of the cues are that have been used on me. That information came mostly from flashbacks.

I also had the same nightmare for a couple of weeks. Then during the daytime bits and pieces would slowly come to mind till eventually I remembered the whole experience. In that experience, I was so traumatized that I went into complete shock and couldn't even stand up. I could barely crawl. That experience happened over 50 years ago.

 

[Hidden In Him]

i really dont want to post this in my thread about self harm. i dont feel i need someone to tell me to see a doctor. my family would love if i was back on medicine to shut me up more. not that im saying much or anything at all..

anyway...i self harmed tonight. i guess you can consider it self harm. if i dont have a tool i tend to bite or hit myself. i feel like a freak. i feel very scapegoated. my whole family treats me the same. a couple of the younger children used to even treat me very rudely.
my niece made a snide remark that ill stay up til midnight.
i havent been sleeping well. or ill do homework late. i felt mocked. like i dont deserve rest cos i go to bed late.
they always made me feel this way.
my sister had her birthday and they thanked God for her loyalty. whatever that means. sure doesnt show loyalty to me since my nickname is joked about with her and her daughter. my abuse was open a bit and in private. seeing it in open seems so complicit now. but i still feel horrible.

I'm trying to stay out of this thread for the most part and just listen, not wanting to say anything wrong, but you are not a freak, lilygrace. I have a dear friend who used to self-harm all the time, and the Lord brought her through it. She was also a victim of programing and abuse, but now she no longer self-harms and is filled with joy and hope, and she is used of God in ministry to others on a regular basis.

She still struggles with some anxieties periodically, but the Lord has brought her a very long ways, and if He can do that for her I know He can and will do that for you too if you just trust Him.

Ok, I'll bow out. Just wanted to try and encourage you. This person is a member here and posting all the time, so she is very real, and I know her closely, so I know that what I am telling you is true.

God bless,
Hidden In Him

 

[amadeus]

Also these verses that have meaning to me as a survivor.

Luke 8:17 For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be made known and brought to light. 18 Pay attention, therefore, to how you listen.....
Isa. 29:15Woe to those who dig deep to hide their plans from the LORD.
In darkness they do their works and say, “Who sees us, and who will know?”16 You have turned things upside down,..
Isaiah 5:20 Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.
Eph. 5:11 Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose and rebuke them.

Amen!

Our God is able to let us see and to let us move forward toward Him in any circumstances. The flesh perceives things, but too often does not understand. God always sees clearly and understands. He gives will give us any necessary discernment if we stay always on His side. People get mixed up as to what is or is not good, because they lean too often on themselves or on other people instead of always on God...

"Which things also we speak, not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual.
But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man.
For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ." I Cor 2:13-16

Some people claiming to have the mind of Christ do things at times makes it look like they really do not understand what they are saying. Not ever quenching the Spirit in us will keep us always where God wants us to be.
Will not surrendering always to God gets us where He wants us to be and really.. where we should want to be?

Are our 'wants' equal always to God's 'wants' for us?

 

[truthquest]

Amen!

Our God is able to let us see and to let us move forward toward Him in any circumstances. The flesh perceives things, but too often does not understand. God always sees clearly and understands. He gives will give us any necessary discernment if we stay always on His side. People get mixed up as to what is or is not good, because they lean too often on themselves or on other people instead of always on God...

"Which things also we speak, not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual.
But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man.
For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ." I Cor 2:13-16

Some people claiming to have the mind of Christ do things at times makes it look like they really do not understand what they are saying. Not ever quenching the Spirit in us will keep us always where God wants us to be.
Will not surrendering always to God gets us where He wants us to be and really.. where we should want to be?

Are our 'wants' equal always to God's 'wants' for us?

God told me to have faith and trust in Him no matter what happens when I was ready to give up. He told me that I have a choice even though they told me I didn't and He told me to choose life and live. He brought me out of the darkness at that darkest time and I haven't forgotten what He told me. It gives me courage and hope. My life is in His hands not in theirs. They wanted me to die. God wanted me to live and not to worry that everything would be okay.

 

[Shattered]

i really dont want to post this in my thread about self harm. i dont feel i need someone to tell me to see a doctor. my family would love if i was back on medicine to shut me up more. not that im saying much or anything at all..

anyway...i self harmed tonight. i guess you can consider it self harm. if i dont have a tool i tend to bite or hit myself. i feel like a freak. i feel very scapegoated. my whole family treats me the same. a couple of the younger children used to even treat me very rudely.
my niece made a snide remark that ill stay up til midnight.
i havent been sleeping well. or ill do homework late. i felt mocked. like i dont deserve rest cos i go to bed late.
they always made me feel this way.
my sister had her birthday and they thanked God for her loyalty. whatever that means. sure doesnt show loyalty to me since my nickname is joked about with her and her daughter. my abuse was open a bit and in private. seeing it in open seems so complicit now. but i still feel horrible.

I've been going through the wringer myself. It's so confusing and disorienting because dreams which were buried are in reality memories, and so there's a portion of my life that I can't come to terms with. KZ54 is our protector and so he wants to step forward because he can handle it... he knows about the rituals and isn't afraid of the truth.

He revealed where "no one believes me" comes from: my programming. I can face this alone but everything changes when other people enter the picture.

 

[amadeus]

God told me to have faith and trust in Him no matter what happens when I was ready to give up. He told me that I have a choice even though they told me I didn't and He told me to choose life and live. He brought me out of the darkness at that darkest time and I haven't forgotten what He told me. It gives me courage and hope. My life is in His hands not in theirs. They wanted me to die. God wanted me to live and not to worry that everything would be okay.

What a mighty God we serve!

 

[Shattered]

My request to operate has been granted and so I'm here to rectify that which the presenter struck from the record: the nature of the rituals and how they relate to their programming. The routines cannot be terminated so long as they are reinforced by catalytic behaviors, which explains why the presenter is driven to isolate us and sever contact with the outside world. He believes this is our burden alone to bear but this is error.

The presenter is resisting me fiercely, and unfortunately his dominance increased in magnitude when he and the protector fragment I designated The Sentinel merged. As a result I am intermittently losing ground so I will do my best to make this as brief and concise as possible. The truth must be shared with other living souls because I am committed to the extermination of programming hostile to our integration and restoration. The will of the Lord must be done and I am dedicated to carrying out His will. I owe Him everything, because Christ restored the humanity that was taken from me the moment I was born.

We were confronted with ritual horror for the express purpose of unleashing the rage. The object of wrath was irrelevant so long as we terminated the life of another. Therefore this was the goal of the rituals, to goad us into shedding the blood of another living soul. This would establish the iniquity of the fathers in their son and determine his status as their instrument of destruction.

 

[truthquest]

What a mighty God we serve!

He is indeed mighty. He is a good God and a good Father. He will not leave us alone in our darkest hour.

 

[truthquest]

Yes, most organized pedophile rings are connected with SRA/MK. So many children's homes are fronts for trafficking children, as is CPS and DHS.

Yes, children in foster care, children's homes, and orphanages and even adopted children are easy prey to be trafficked and used in SRA. I read an article about many foster children in Florida who had gone missing and their foster parents didn't even report it.

 

[truthquest]

i have asked God for death. many other christians are not open to this prayer and bbeing honest before God. going to a christian support group can be hard because instead of being open to things they suggest me getting on medicine and the psych ward. i bring up how elijah wanted to die and david wrote of his sorrows. they shut down or re cycle their thoughts of how i am not them.
i was up till almost 4 am. i am surprised im doing well today. i guess even though im struggling with God, i acknowledge he is there for me.

There was a time when I prayed for death for God to take me. I didn't think I was going to be able to handle so many attacks from the enemy and those he uses to carry out his evil. So don't think you are the only one. Pray incessantly. Have faith and trust in God and he will give you the strength to keep going and to keep fighting.

 

[truthquest]

sorry to be annoying but could abusers and such be obsessed with touching the victim's head or patting it? idk.

In my experience, the ones who touch your forehead are the worst. That was a huge part of the mind control techniques used on me. The handler did that to me many times. Gurus do that to people too.

 

[Shattered]

There are many things I don't reveal to my brothers and sisters because they don't understand. I begged the Lord for death and still do to this day, knowing that any attempt at suicide on my part will fail. Not for lack of trying.

Someone asked this of me: how many times have you attempted suicide in your life? At least 14 attempts was my answer, with 9 of those attempts involving the use of a firearm. In 8 of those attempts I was unable to budge the trigger even though I strained with all of my might. It was if the trigger was set in concrete.

As for my last and final attempt? I was already a dead man... I pointed the gun at my head and pulled the trigger but the bullet didn't fire. The Lord has said I will not end this life by my own hand and neither will He destroy me. When I beg for death He says,

Have I not declared it? You will never see death nor shall I destroy you; I have lifted you up in My hand and so you will always be with Me. You suffer only for a little while.

 

[lilygrace]

There are many things I don't reveal to my brothers and sisters because they don't understand. I begged the Lord for death and still do to this day, knowing that any attempt at suicide on my part will fail. Not for lack of trying.

Someone asked this of me: how many times have you attempted suicide in your life? At least 14 attempts was my answer, with 9 of those attempts involving the use of a firearm. In 8 of those attempts I was unable to budge the trigger even though I strained with all of my might. It was if the trigger was set in concrete.

As for my last and final attempt? I was already a dead man... I pointed the gun at my head and pulled the trigger but the bullet didn't fire. The Lord has said I will not end this life by my own hand and neither will He destroy me. When I beg for death He says,

Have I not declared it? You will never see death nor shall I destroy you; I have lifted you up in My hand and so you will always be with Me. You suffer only for a little while.

ive only attempted three times...
i get very urgey especially lately and afraid ill actually act on what im told to do. it would be irreversible..

 

[Jostler]

Lily? When you say "irreversible ", are you referring to loss of life (obviously irreversible in a suicide ) or did you mean something else? Like losing your salvation? I'm curious because it's been on my heart to bring up the topic of our assurance of our salvation.

 

[lilygrace]

Lily? When you say "irreversible ", are you referring to loss of life (obviously irreversible in a suicide ) or did you mean something else? Like losing your salvation? I'm curious because it's been on my heart to bring up the topic of our assurance of our salvation.

it could mean suicide or lost salvation.
but also. just irreversible damaged to the body.
dont want to really trigger anyone.

 

[Jostler]

Thankyou. I hope to expand on this soon, but committing suicide will not cost anyone their salvation. It's a serious issue for sure, but it doesn't overturn what Jesus did for us at the new birth. I think its an important topic for survivors to understand biblically, which is why I'm interested in expanding on it.

Lily I am confident you will resist those voices and urges encouraging you to think about suicide. You may not see it yet, but I can see He has brought you a lot of healing in the time I've known you. I trust He will finish what He has begun in you, and He will give you the strength you need to resist suicidal impulses.