What would you do?

[Riven]

Your baby brother dies while you are still a child. You've never really lived life, just on autopilot. You're in debt up to your eyeballs. You're addicted to alchol just to take the edge off.

I dont know what to do. Sometimes I feel like life isn't worth living. The pain of everything is just do much to endure. I think about Jesus and what he endured on the cross. It makes me want to keep going.

But it's just such an awful existence. To exist for others, but never truly live. I hate it so much. I don't know what to do. I can't rely on myself, just screw everything up.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to burden others with my problems. But it's just so hard. It wasn't supposed to be so hard. Living life shouldn't be a disaster at every waking moment. I just want to be happy. I want to be able to tell Jesus that in sorry. That I tried so hard. I tried my best to believe in him.

In my heart, that's where I am. An overwhelming sense of sadness and hopelessness. If this is what hell feels like, then I'm already there.

 

[Matthias]

I’m praying for you @Riven. I have been for months.

A broken spirit is the beginning, not the end.

 

[ScottA]

Your baby brother dies while you are still a child. You've never really lived life, just on autopilot. You're in debt up to your eyeballs. You're addicted to alchol just to take the edge off.

I dont know what to do. Sometimes I feel like life isn't worth living. The pain of everything is just do much to endure. I think about Jesus and what he endured on the cross. It makes me want to keep going.

But it's just such an awful existence. To exist for others, but never truly live. I hate it so much. I don't know what to do. I can't rely on myself, just screw everything up.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to burden others with my problems. But it's just so hard. It wasn't supposed to be so hard. Living life shouldn't be a disaster at every waking moment. I just want to be happy. I want to be able to tell Jesus that in sorry. That I tried so hard. I tried my best to believe in him.

In my heart, that's where I am. An overwhelming sense of sadness and hopelessness. If this is what hell feels like, then I'm already there.

Riven,

Many of us here have a similar story. You're not alone.

For me, I was victimized by crime, lost everything, my business, my marriage, and was separated from my kids--not because I did not have visitation rights, but because my wife weakened during the financial hardship, had an affair, and was so bitter it was worse for the kids if I even showed my face--so I just had to stay away. The downward spiral then continued--it's a long story, but not knowing there was even a God, as a last resort I started talking with Him--and He answered. I was caught up in the spirit above the earth, shown unspeakable things, and then returned--refreshed and bewildered, but at peace.

Things got better, but not as I expected.

Now, I know that kind of spiritual experience does not happen with everyone, but don't think for a minute that each one of us is not equally important to God. We are here for a purpose--each one of us. But don't try to figure it out--it'll come. Just live clean an simple, do a simple and wholesome job--and give it time, and He will show up. Other than that--you have nothing to worry about. Put your head down, go to work, look for the good in life, and know that God will come through--that's His part--not yours.

Do what you can to be ready, and just relax--it'll come, you can count on it!

PS, I would tell you to get a Bible and read it, and go to a good Bible-believing church--but I don't have to. You're going to want to without anyone telling you--wild horses couldn't stop you. Enjoy!

 

[Debp]

But don't try to figure it out--it'll come. Just live clean an simple, do a simple and wholesome job--and give it time, and He will show up. Other than that--you have nothing to worry about. Put your head down, go to work, look for the good in life, and know that God will come through--that's His part--not yours.

Some good advice above @Riven Keep things simple, try one step at a time.
Also, remember alcohol is a depressant. It won't help you to feel better.

Seek some help if you can't get off of it on your own. Some churches hold AA meetings. You need some support...try it.

 

[Stumpmaster]

What would you do?​

Count it all joy . . .

Jas 1:2-8 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, (3) knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. (4) But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. (5) If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. (6) But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. (7) For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; (8) he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

A B C (Adversity Builds Character)

Put God's Kingdom and His Righteousness First

Doing this daily will break any chains of bondage to self.

Matthew 6:33:
“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

1. Seeking First = Reordering the Heart
When we put God’s Kingdom first, we dethrone self. The flesh wants to rule, but the Spirit calls us to surrender.

• Luke 9:23 — “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”
• Galatians 2:20 — “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me…”

This daily denial isn’t self-hatred—it’s liberation from the tyranny of ego.

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️ 2. His Righteousness = Freedom from Performance
God’s righteousness isn’t something we earn—it’s something we receive. When we seek His righteousness, we stop striving to prove ourselves.

• Romans 5:17 — “…those who receive the abundance of grace and the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ.”
• Philippians 3:9 — “…not having a righteousness of my own… but that which comes through faith in Christ…”

This breaks the chain of self-righteousness and the exhausting need to be “enough.”

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️ 3. Daily = Ongoing Surrender, Ongoing Victory
Bondage to self is subtle—it creeps in through pride, fear, comparison. But daily seeking keeps us anchored.

• 2 Corinthians 4:16 — “Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.”
• Lamentations 3:23 — “His mercies are new every morning…”

Each day becomes a fresh opportunity to realign with the King and walk in His freedom.

---

4. Kingdom First = Purpose Beyond Self
When we seek the Kingdom, we’re not just avoiding sin—we’re stepping into divine purpose.

• Colossians 3:1-3 — “Set your minds on things above… For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.”
• Romans 12:1 — “Offer your bodies as a living sacrifice… this is your true and proper worship.”

This is how chains fall—not by focusing on the chains, but by fixing our eyes on the King.

Psa 30:11 You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness . . .​

 

[Rita]

Hi Riven
So sorry to read about your baby brother, childhood trauma can stay inside and eat away, that without all the other things that come our way. I was addicted to food ( developed an eating disorder ) I felt dead inside for years, when I came to faith I thought the internal battles would go , but they didn’t.
I tried so many ways to solve the problems , granted I didn’t have loads of debts mine was a difficult marriage and my husband had loads of debts. I was so desperate inside, so low most of the time. Externally putting on fronts, privately burying the unwanted emotions with binges.
About 20 years ago a question came from deep within me ‘ do you want to be healed ‘ I responded with a resounding yes- boy did I want a miracle instant healing. That didn’t happen, but the following day something triggered inside , it was as if I was back in the past. I had to allow the buried things to surface and grieve, forgive, let go ect That was the beginning of an amazing journey of inner healing. I have complete peace with my past now and no longer binge to push things away.
I actually wrote a book - it’s been on my book shelf in a file. Funny enough its something I picked up a few weeks ago and have started going through it and editing it all, have no idea why yet.
I learned about triggers, mind mapping, understanding the root causes to things, and being a bigger sister almost to the child and Teenager that was trapped inside of me because at the time I couldn’t deal with the pain. ( As an adult I could view my experiences through different eyes )
My choices as an adult because of these things were not always good , but I couldn’t change the past - but I could learn to be kinder to myself.
Your not a failure, you are just a human being that is hurting xxxx