What would you do?

[2bme]

Who of us today can rightfully live in that mental landscape of the age of the flat-earthers? Or the age of God(s) who reign high in the clouds? No-one today who knows about space, time and the universe can. So we must upgrade, we must adjust.

 

[ScottA]

You must misunderstand or something. You would have to hide everything you know about the world today from the Christian's of your own faith of the past. Imagine how a fundamental Catholic today would be received by the Catholics no more than 150 year's ago. We'd be the heretics and they'd be the true believer's.

No, I understand.

The situation you are referring to is part of the timed revelations by God, "precept upon precept, line upon line, here a little there a little." The fact that things have accelerated, is a sign that we are getting closer to the end.

 

[Matthias]

Your baby brother dies while you are still a child. You've never really lived life, just on autopilot.

Do you think your agnosticism is, or could possibly be, connected with this event in your life?

A child is traumatized and asks, consciously or subconsciously, “Since God exists, why did he allow my innocent baby brother to die?”

You asked me not long ago what I would feel if I were in your shoes. If I were in your shoes when you were a child, I would have been sad, confused, angry, afraid, even guiltridden. If I couldn’t resolve those feelings, I would probably grow up feeling helpless, hopeless, explosively angry and at times dead inside.

My question would have changed, at over time, from “Since God exists ...” to “If God exists …” and, if I couldn’t arrive at a satisfying (peace inducing) answer to the modified question, it would eventually either destroy me or cause me to modify one more time - “Since God doesn’t exist, my innocent little brother is lost forever.” (I don’t think you’ve reached the last modification of thought yet.)

None of this may be what you actually feel or felt. I’m projecting myself on your life.

I’m not a psychiatrist or psychologist. I may be way off base, but I think you probably have to go back to this very traumatic and painful time in your life - when you had a childlike belief that God existed, assuming that you did - and find a satisfying answer to the questions, “Since God exists, why did he allow my innocent little brother to die? and “Is he lost forever or will I see him and reunited with him some day?”

 

[2bme]

No, I understand.

The situation you are referring to is part of the timed revelations by God, "precept upon precept, line upon line, here a little there a little." The fact that things have accelerated, is a sign that we are getting closer to the end.

There was always going to be an end regardless.

 

[Riven]

Do you think your agnosticism is, or could possibly be, connected with this event in your life?

Yeah, I think I fundamentally changed as a person after that event. I lost my love for life after that terrible night. I was only ten years old, and I had to make a choice in the moment at his funeral over whether or not I wanted to see him in the casket and have that image burned into my brain forever. I told my parents no and I refused to look until they closed the casket.

A child is traumatized and asks, consciously or subconsciously, “Since God exists, why did he allow my innocent baby brother to die?”

Of course. And you don't get an answer back. Eventually you start to think there's no one listening at all. Or that they don't care.

You asked me not long ago what I would feel if I were in your shoes. If I were in your shoes when you were a child, I would have been sad, confused, angry, afraid, even guiltridden. If I couldn’t resolve those feelings, I would probably grow up feeling helpless, hopeless, explosively angry and at times dead inside.

I did grow up that way. I got through middle school well enough, but the first year of high school is when depression hit me like a Mack truck. And it's been there ever since. Over 20 years of feeling this way. I'm somewhat impressed with myself for having kept going this long. Everyday is a struggle.

My question would have changed, at over time, from “Since God exists ...” to “If God exists …” and, if I couldn’t arrive at a satisfying (peace inducing) answer to the modified question, it would eventually either destroy me or cause me to modify one more time - “Since God doesn’t exist, my innocent little brother is lost forever.” (I don’t think you’ve reached the last modification of thought yet.)

Not yet. I can't really bring myself to believe that he's gone forever. Something tells me he isn't, although I don't know what that something is.

I’m not a psychiatrist or psychologist. I may be way off base, but I think you probably have to go back to this very traumatic and painful time in your life - when you had a childlike belief that God existed, assuming that you did - and find a satisfying answer to the questions, “Since God exists, why did he allow my innocent little brother to die? and “Is he lost forever or will I see him and reunited with him some day?”

People die everyday. We just don't see it most of the time. If God doesn't interfere with our lives, then my brother died because of circumstance. If he is lost forever, then there's no hope. Then I'm just existing and waiting to expire.

But if there is a chance that I'll see him again, then that's a hope that's worth living for. Living the right way.