Where can I find a really shy woman for a relationship?

[Lambano]

Also what about what kind of husband God may need you to be, I am pretty sure that we all need to change and often as not it’s through others that the changing happens.

Ha! Rita, you beat me to it.

@ShyIntrovert, work on growing into the kind of man a woman would want to marry. Learn to be humble and honest about your own faults while learning to forgive others theirs. Learn how to deny your own needs so that you can focus on the needs of others. Learn to give up the need to control other people. These are basic Christian character traits (do I need to quote chapter and verse?) that are also necessary to have a successful marriage.

 

[Lambano]

I don't believe that God "leads" people to their spouse in the sense that He just brings it to them the day He finds appropriate. This is a pretty delusional hippy-like viewpoint which more often than not leads people to a long lifetime of singledom.

Sure God will help the good people who seek Him in the process, but the task ultimately falls on the individual, and it's the individual the one who will pick and be held accountable for their actions the rest of their life. God will not provide for any of our needs if we don't put any effort on our lives.

the kind of wife you think you need may be completely different to the wife that God thinks you need.

I deleted this story from my earlier post, but I think I'll tell it after all.

When I was a much younger man, living on my own for the first time, I was lonely. I prayed for God to send me a companion. The woman I met at my church's singles' group was an older, divorced survivor of domestic abuse with two young boys. That wasn't on my spec sheet. But I also saw that she was a woman of faith with a loving heart. We've been happily married for 37 years now.

What I thought I wanted; what I got instead.

Yes, it took some initiative on my part when I chose to attend the singles' group, and when I chose to talk to this woman. It also took trust and humility on my part to be open to God's leading.

 

[Cassandra]

I deleted this story from my earlier post, but I think I'll tell it after all.

When I was a much younger man, living on my own for the first time, I was lonely. I prayed for God to send me a companion. The woman I met at my church's singles' group was an older, divorced survivor of domestic abuse with two young boys. That wasn't on my spec sheet. But I also saw that she was a woman of faith with a loving heart. We've been happily married for 37 years now.

What I thought I wanted; what I got instead.

Yes, it took some initiative on my part when I chose to attend the singles' group, and when I chose to talk to this woman. It also took trust and humility on my part to be open to God's leading.

I love this story. thanks for reposting.

I am afraid though that there are men out there who think the woman is supposed to come and every beck and call,and do everything, and think they are entitled to it because they are men, the woman feelings not taken into account. They need to remember that Christ died for His Bride, and He never forced anyone into doing anything. The control people are in violation of the imitation of Christ. I actually worry about some of these folk hurting their wives.

 

[ShyIntrovert]

You seem to have strong opinions on this subject. Are you spouting what you learned from men or from God?

I grew up extremely introverted. I could scarcely talk to men and to women not at all. I joined the army, and I took speech courses in college to help me overcome that introverted nature of me. My efforts were wasted.

I only began to open my mouth similar to some of those extroverts after I had come to know God and had begun to follow His lead in my walk.

Before I was serving Him, He led a young lady to me who was quite extroverted. After we clashed horribly in marriage, He led both of us to Him and saved our marriage. This coming June we will celebrate 50 years of marriage. We are still serving that One God, who saved us and our marriage.

It's a good story of yours. Happy for your anniversary.

The problem is that I know of more stories that have ended up the opposite way. Infidelities, illegitimate children, divorces, financial oppression etc, regardless of whether Christian or not. Women are especially shallow as they gain relationship experience much earlier than men do, and thus can easily fool and manipulate the naïve men with games. Though I will admit I have seen cases of men taking advantage of women too, but not as many. It's usually the more experienced partner who exploits the less experienced one.

 

[Pearl]

It's a good story of yours. Happy for your anniversary.

The problem is that I know of more stories that have ended up the opposite way. Infidelities, illegitimate children, divorces, financial oppression etc, regardless of whether Christian or not. Women are especially shallow as they gain relationship experience much earlier than men do, and thus can easily fool and manipulate the naïve men with games. Though I will admit I have seen cases of men taking advantage of women too, but not as many. It's usually the more experienced partner who exploits the less experienced one.

If that is your pre-conceived notion of women than you're in for a long wait. First get yourself ready to be a good husband because there are a lot of bad husbands out there. Learn to love as Jesus love His Church and then maybe you will meet the right lady someday when you have been prepared.

 

[ShyIntrovert]

If that is your pre-conceived notion of women than you're in for a long wait.

Just asking.

What kind of man is an absolute beginner in relationships like myself in front of a woman already with 3 stable lifetime sex partners, plus the many more casual ones? Seriously do you hope that a relationship like this may end any well?

 

[Mugre Pinzon]

So, then what places would you recommend for me? Thanks all.

Opposites attract... If you're a shy introvert yourself it might be mighty hard to find the woman in your dreams... it might be better to find the woman of your dreams, the one God has in mind for you. It's a strange society we live in today where a person can have almost no interaction with other human beings unless they make a concerted effort of have those interactions. If you are a shy introvert, do a lot of praying and fasting (regularly), pray for your future spouse, and step out and find her with God's help.

 

[Cassandra]

It's a good story of yours. Happy for your anniversary.

The problem is that I know of more stories that have ended up the opposite way. Infidelities, illegitimate children, divorces, financial oppression etc, regardless of whether Christian or not. Women are especially shallow as they gain relationship experience much earlier than men do, and thus can easily fool and manipulate the naïve men with games. Though I will admit I have seen cases of men taking advantage of women too, but not as many. It's usually the more experienced partner who exploits the less experienced one.

Sounds like somebody got burnt. Sorry about that. Don't take it out and generalize on all women though. You don't know that all women are shallow, as I dont know that all men are condescending misogynists. If the relationship didn't work, it's not every other woman's fault. Remember, marriage is equated with Christ and his church. Oh, and ask yourself this :Who in their right mind would want a man who thinks so little of women?

 

[ShyIntrovert]

Opposites attract... If you're a shy introvert yourself it might be mighty hard to find the woman in your dreams... it might be better to find the woman of your dreams, the one God has in mind for you. It's a strange society we live in today where a person can have almost no interaction with other human beings unless they make a concerted effort of have those interactions. If you are a shy introvert, do a lot of praying and fasting (regularly), pray for your future spouse, and step out and find her with God's help.

I think rather than just "opposites attract" the catchphrase should be "opposites attract until the honeymoon". And, there's also the saying that "birds of the same feather flock together".

It's already several of you who have repeated this, but then again. God DOESN'T pick the spouse we will have, but each of us do (with or without Him), and in case God has a certain spouse planned for some of us, they will be the one we end up picking anyway. Or in other words, God ONLY plays a passive role in relationships and marriages, and that as long as the couple seeks Him. If the cuple chooses not to bother with it, then God will not help, at all.

 

[ShyIntrovert]

Oh, and ask yourself this :Who in their right mind would want a man who thinks so little of women?

Quite of an ironic question considering that (most) women hate each other even more than men...

 

[Pearl]

Sounds like somebody got burnt. Sorry about that. Don't take it out and generalize on all women though. You don't know that all women are shallow, as I dont know that all men are condescending misogynists. If the relationship didn't work, it's not every other woman's fault. Remember, marriage is equated with Christ and his church. Oh, and ask yourself this :Who in their right mind would want a man who thinks so little of women?

And also that a marriage is two sided partnership.

 

[Pearl]

Quite of an ironic question considering that (most) women hate each other even more than men...

What rubbish.

 

[Jane_Doe22]

Christ Himself applauded friendships and the love therein. Furthermore, goodly friends help each other walk with Christ. We are not called to be alone, but to fellowship one with another. And the core of any good romantic relationship is friendship.

@ShyIntrovert , I would encourage you to 1) keep growing yourself. Seek good spiritual mentor ship and professional counseling for your wounds. And 2) first become good friends with other people, including women. And do not shun another because they likewise have goodly friends.

 

[Lambano]

I love this story. thanks for reposting.

I am afraid though that there are men out there who think the woman is supposed to come and every beck and call,and do everything, and think they are entitled to it because they are men, the woman feelings not taken into account. They need to remember that Christ died for His Bride, and He never forced anyone into doing anything. The control people are in violation of the imitation of Christ. I actually worry about some of these folk hurting their wives.

The Sweet Lady has, um, mentioned a few times that I'm a "control freak" (her words). Learning to give up control, to "deny myself" is one of the hardest things I had to learn as a husband.

I also got to watch the dynamic between my oldest stepson and his first wife. Both were "Type A" personalities and almost EVERYTHING became a battle for control. When they finally announced they were getting divorced, I wanted to ask, "What took you so long?"

 

[Cassandra]

Quite of an ironic question considering that (most) women hate each other even more than men...

I don't have any clue where you are getting your information from. but you can go ahead and answer the question, or at least think about it.
I'll rephrase it:
Who would want a man who thinks so little of women?

 

[ShyIntrovert]

I don't have any clue where you are getting your information from. but you can go ahead and answer the question, or at least think about it.
I'll rephrase it:
Who would want a man who thinks so little of women?

Then I guess they have double standards on how can they and the man talk about another woman.

And anyways, I don't know why do you think that I think so little of women. I was just describing what I had seen in my around.

 

[Jane_Doe22]

Then I guess they have double standards on how can they and the man talk about another woman.

And anyways, I don't know why do you think that I think so little of women. I was just describing what I had seen in my around.

Please seek professional counseling.

 

[ShyIntrovert]

Please seek professional counseling.

Why?

 

[michaelvpardo]

Hi, I’m a young student who is slowly growing up and approaching adult life, and as such I’m wondering which would be the woman I could marry in the future. Sometimes my hormones attack me and make me desperate to enter a relationship, though I know that I should be patient and trust God, especially now that I don’t have many responsibilities and can live pretty comfortably. But this will end someday and I will have to begin a new life want it or not, so I want to planify my purpose and goals for my adult life. And one of the most important areas will be marriage and children, so I should be extremely cautious with picking the woman I make my life with, because if this part goes wrong my life will be irreparably lost forever. Divorce is not any joke and may leave me literally begging in the streets.

This said, after observing the behavior and character of the vast majority of women my around (pride, arrogance, entitlement, promiscuity, rudeness, mistreatment, disrespect, attention-seeking, gossip, drama, tattoos, piercings, Netflix, Instagram, selfies, trips to Dubai, feminism, horoscopes, Buddhas, dyed hairs, immodest clothing etc) it is more than clear that if I don’t pick an unicorn from Mars they will kill me. I don’t know of any single woman my age who doesn’t have an Instagram profile and dozens of friends (with benefits).

Because the world of these days is so wicked and corrupted and most women seem to only do whatever this evil world tells them to, I have come to the conclusion that my only safe option is to meet a socially awkward loner with no friends at all, who hides and isolates herself from society and only gets along with her family. A woman who is really shy, reserved, introverted, quiet, bashful... scared of strangers, blushes a lot, takes centuries to even give a chance to someone, lacks social skills, has no Instagram or Facebook profiles and of course a devout Christian virgin. Basically a woman who lives in an unbreakable bubble that nobody but those given access to by the Lord can enter. I know this may be a bit too much to expect, but this is honestly the only kind of woman I can see myself with (something very close at least).

The thing is that I have no idea on where I could ever find such a woman, because I won’t give up on this ideal either. I don’t want a socially confident woman, not at all. I don’t want a woman to kill me with games, drama, criticism, lies, mistreatment, infidelity, illegitimate children, alimony, child support and theft of belongings. I don’t want a woman to exchange me for Chad Tyrone. I want a woman I can be sure that will respect me. Even if it takes a longer time to find.

So, then what places would you recommend for me? Thanks all.

According to scripture, such women don't exist. Women were created from man, so man proceeded women in the order of creation, but God pronounced a curse upon humanity. Women desire to control men, but men were given authority over women. This relationship is only changed when people receive Christ as Lord and willingly submit to His order in the church, but the curse persists until the redemption of the body without sin in the resurrection. The proof of this is seen in the divorce rate among Christians, at least half of which did not submit to the order established by God.

If you're looking for a wife like you, that's just foolish. A wife is supposed to complement us, to make up for what we lack as we are supposed to make up for in what they lack, all in mutual submission to Christ and His word. If you marry someone like you, you may love that person as you love yourself, but you may also despise things in your spouse that you despise in yourself. Its an inferior formula to a successful marriage than mutual submission to Christ and Christ in us.

I would suggest a slightly different quality to pursue in a spouse, a demure woman (which may include shyness). This is a most desirable quality in a woman for a spouse, more so than strength or even sexual attraction. I missed my opportunity for such a spouse because the one I fell for was engaged but of an immoral bent, willing to "get cozy" with another man in the absence of her fiancee. My judgment of her sin separated us and I eventually married someone who was almost an opposite to the choice of my heart. That marriage failed, but if I'd "won" the first, she'd have been the last.

Of course, that quality called "demure" is as rare as the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31:10-31. The first 9 verses are worth reading as well. Solomon was lead away from God through the manipulation of heathen wives.
If you need a wife, God will provide one. If you suspend judgment, you may even find the best sort.

 

[Jane_Doe22]

Why?

You bear the marks of someone who has been scared by witnessing a bad relationship, and that now has consumed you to the point you cannot picture godly healthy relationships (where both are respected, loved, partners, have other healthy friendships, etc).

Good professional and spiritual counseling can help you heal and become the type of Christ-like husband He wants you to one day be.