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Precious friend, I will pray for you. IF "Jesus IS your Saviour, then you haveJesus is my savior; he died so that I can achieve salvation by having faith in him. I believe this theological tenet with absolute certainty. It isn’t possible for me to disavow Christ, because doing so would entail perdition and eternal suffering in hell.
Unfortunately I learned that Jesus doesn’t redeem sinners. Christ’s redemptive powers, which are transferred onto believers when they have faith, are supposed to forgive their sins; which of course implies that we no longer have to be perfect, because our “faith has made us whole,” as taught in various Bible verses like Luke 17:19. This core theological tenet of Christianity (that Jesus redeems the sins of believers) is misinformation, as I have sadly come to find out.
You do know that The Holy And Righteous One Was "not a coward" butGod, why don’t you quit being a coward
By the way, do you know why else I’m mad at God? It’s the fact that I’m 33 years old, and I haven’t had sexual intercourse with a woman before—and it’s all God’s fault.
I couldn’t date during my high school days because I was heavily bullied, and there were two bullies who really inflicted a lot of psychological damage (one of them is in hell now, but the second one who did even more harm isn’t).
Fortunately I didn’t have to deal with human bullies for my entire adult life. (Well, there was one occasion where I stayed at a half-way house for three months, and a pretty rough crowd was there: Crack-smokers, former convicts, meth heads, etc. Some of them picked on me, but I’m old and wise enough to deal with unprovoked aggression appropriately: I just smiled, laughed, and pretended to be their best friend when they were hostile. I continued to be nice to them and show them kindness despite their aggressive teasing. Eventually they felt bad about it and apologized, and I said don’t worry about it. We got along fine after that.)
But my entire adult life has been plagued by actual demons who are attached to my body. I’m wise enough to know how to successfully deal with human bullies as an adult (as described in my previous paragraph). But these demons are on an entirely different wavelength. They aren’t even human: They are murderers whose only purpose is to destroy me because I am a Christian. The psychological harm they have caused me has been a thousand times more severe than what I experienced in high school.
Because I am so mentally and emotionally crippled by what the demons do to me, I can’t work a job and succeed. What kind of woman would want to marry a 33-year-old man who collects welfare payments and lives with his parents? None that I know—except perhaps for a gross prostitute, who only wants money and will give me a disease for life. No way will I do that!
Even if God decides to show compassion and get rid of the demons permanently (which seems like a pipe dream), how the hell am I supposed to find a wife afterwards? I resent that I’m a virgin and most women are not. Under no circumstances will I date/marry a woman who has been sexually intimate with another man before. I cannot tolerate that I’ve had to spend my entire adult life in an infernal prison while everyone else was dating and so happy. I resent that she had sex but I didn’t. So I’m basically s*** out of luck here unless God decides to find me a wife who hasn’t ruined herself by having sexual relations with someone else or other people.