Just curious....

[Brakelite]

@TLHKAJ
Who among us could have any understanding of what you have, and are still going through. Praise God He has the power to heal. May He continue to bless, strengthen, and heal you from all the pain and suffering and emotional scars that have impacted you over your life.
I was talking with our Sabbath school class this morning. We were discussing why God, knowing every single intimate freaky and ugly detail that would be the consequence of His creating Lucifer, even the suffering and death of His own Son, why did He do it anyway? Because He could see the big picture. He could see the glorious end of His purposes. And He had faith in His own processes. And so can we. We just have to trust Him. Not everything that happens to us is good. Some of it is downright ugly and evil. And God saw that, but in allowing free will, He has given us the choice to trust Him. As I said, not everything that happens to us is good, but all things, both good and evil, works together for good, for those who love Him, and are called according to His purpose. Keep up the faith sis, you can trust Him.

 

[TLHKAJ]

@TLHKAJ
Who among us could have any understanding of what you have, and are still going through. Praise God He has the power to heal. May He continue to bless, strengthen, and heal you from all the pain and suffering and emotional scars that have impacted you over your life.
I was talking with our Sabbath school class this morning. We were discussing why God, knowing every single intimate freaky and ugly detail that would be the consequence of His creating Lucifer, even the suffering and death of His own Son, why did He do it anyway? Because He could see the big picture. He could see the glorious end of His purposes. And He had faith in His own processes. And so can we. We just have to trust Him. Not everything that happens to us is good. Some of it is downright ugly and evil. And God saw that, but in allowing free will, He has given us the choice to trust Him. As I said, not everything that happens to us is good, but all things, both good and evil, works together for good, for those who love Him, and are called according top His purpose. Keep up the faith sis, you can trust Him.

@Backlit Profound. Thank you for this, brother...it is truly a word spoken in due season. I could cry ....grateful tears. Only He knows, but I believe He gave you these words my heart needed. God bless you!

Proverbs 15:23
[23]A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!

Proverbs 25:11
[11]A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.

Most of what I go through, I don't tell on here. Sometimes I'm amazed He uses me ....truly humbling. He is good... His ways aren't our ways, and we don't always understand "why." But I know He is good. I know His plans for me are good.

Psalm 27:13-14
[13]I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
[14]Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

Psalm 34:8
[8]O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.

 

[TLHKAJ]

I have some early memories, and remember my first home as well as if I still live there. I did live there from a baby till I was 17, so, there's that.
But I remember 2 major events but have no idea how old I was...a new carpet arriving for the living room. I remember it was a birthday or Christmas gift from dad to mum, a red patterned Persian pattern type concoction which mum loved. The second was an addition to the dining room. An add on porch or sun room. This was used for several purposes...mAh jong games with the neighbors... Naps in the daytime for parents... Sewing room... And my father's gun collection on the wall. I also remember it well because it was where I found my dad when I returned home from school at age 12... He had died in his sleep.

I wanted to come back to this ... I am sorry to read about your dad. I know that was traumatic for a young boy.

 

[TLHKAJ]

My wife had a traumatic childhood. One particular incident as a two year old scarred her for life, literally and emotionally. Then by happenstance, or providence, we found ourselves living just a few miles from the home where that that incident took place. Neither of us knew this when we moved there. That information came to my wife a few years after we had arrived. As a 2yo she had no idea where the house was, it wasn't her own family home, but she was staying at an aunts. Upon finding out the location, she wanted to see the house. She had directions, and had a description, but we couldn't find it. It would have already been an old home 50 years previously, even older when we looked, so we surmised it had either burnt down, fell down, or demolished. All that was there were farmland and a couple of much newer homes in it's place. But the fact my wife was willing to return there, was healing. Or at least contributed to the process which continues today. She has progressed infinitely beyond from where she was when I first met her at 19.

Amazing. I have experienced the impact of revisiting a locations from the past. It helps us connect and validate, and then release the emotions that got buried. It is very powerful and yes, it can promote healing.
Your wife is blessed to have a husband who understands, and loves her enough to stand by her.

 

[TLHKAJ]

All I can remember was the circumcision, it hurt so bad I couldn’t walk for about a year.

Oh my! Oh my ... that's rough!!

 

[Brakelite]

@Backlit Profound. Thank you for this, brother...it is truly a word spoken in due season. I could cry ....grateful tears. Only He knows, but I believe He gave you these words my heart needed. God bless you!

Proverbs 15:23
[23]A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!

Proverbs 25:11
[11]A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.

Most of what I go through, I don't tell on here. Sometimes I'm amazed He uses me ....truly humbling. He is good... His ways aren't our ways, and we don't always understand "why." But I know He is good. I know His plans for me are good.

Psalm 27:13-14
[13]I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
[14]Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

Psalm 34:8
[8]O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.

Jer 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

 

[TLHKAJ]

Jer 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

This is really hitting me in a powerful way ....overwhelming, in a good way....

 

[Brakelite]

Amazing. I have experienced the impact of revisiting a locations from the past. It helps us connect and validate, and then release the emotions that got buried. It is very powerful and yes, it can promote healing.
Your wife is blessed to have a husband who understands, and loves her enough to stand by her.

Thank you. Yet it took years with much pain in between before either of us began to understand what was going on. She knew her past but appreciated little as to how much it affected her present state of mind, and there were other issues that came later after her experience in that house that added to the quagmire, and me, as I intimated in my earlier post, my memories of my childhood, my home and parents, apart from the death of my father while still young, were nothing but good memories. What on earth did I know of others heartaches? Let alone knowing how to relate to those who suffer, and how best to support them? I was brought up in the most beautiful bubble. When I met my wife to be, met her family, and began to hear and learn that life for others was not as rosy as was mine own, and then God bound us together in His love, my growth and understanding and maturing as a man was directly and proportionately related to her coming to terms with her past, and it all blew up about 10 years ago with just one phone call to her brother, resulting in me having top take her to a hospital and a consult with a psychologist. She went into meltdown after that call, and she would never have even agreed to such a step as to go to a mental health professional if not for 30 years of previous marriage whereby we came to love one another unconditionally, and trust one anothers judgement. Her subsequent diagnosis of PTSD brought sense to everything we had been going through together, and only then could some major steps be made to progress forward. But me understand? Maybe today yes, but before...not for a long time. I had no clue what I was dealing with. I'm amazed at how we are still together. Astonished at God's grace and compassion...for her pain, and my ignorance.

 

[TLHKAJ]

You know how it is when things just go bad and you can't seem to catch a breath or get you head above water before something else pushes you under?

I know that I know ....God is good!!

But circumstances try to say something different. Losing children ....grandchild/ren ....living with threats which are oftentimes carried out. But I know they can't do more than God allows and my life is in His hands. If it was up to them, I would be dead. But God has kept me here. My greatest desire is to minister to other survivors (which He has given me the privilege of doing). Even more, I want to be pleasing to Him. Dear Lord, thank You for bringing my brother here with Your words.....

 

[TLHKAJ]

Thank you. Yet it took years with much pain in between before either of us began to understand what was going on. She knew her past but appreciated little as to how much it affected her present state of mind, and there were other issues that came later after her experience in that house that added to the quagmire, and me, as I intimated in my earlier post, my memories of my childhood, my home and parents, apart from the death of my father while still young, were nothing but good memories. What on earth did I know of others heartaches? Let alone knowing how to relate to those who suffer, and how best to support them? I was brought up in the most beautiful bubble. When I met my wife to be, met her family, and began to hear and learn that life for others was not as rosy as was mine own, and then God bound us together in His love, my growth and understanding and maturing as a man was directly and proportionately related to her coming to terms with her past, and it all blew up about 10 years ago with just one phone call to her brother, resulting in me having top take her to a hospital and a consult with a psychologist. She went into meltdown after that call, and she would never have even agreed to such a step as to go to a mental health professional if not for 30 years of previous marriage whereby we came to love one another unconditionally, and trust one anothers judgement. Her subsequent diagnosis of PTSD brought sense to everything we had been going through together, and only then could some major steps be made to progress forward. But me understand? Maybe today yes, but before...not for a long time. I had no clue what I was dealing with. I'm amazed at how we are still together. Astonished at God's grace and compassion...for her pain, and my ignorance.

There is such an anointing on this testimony. I think you have shared some of this before. But I so appreciate your sharing. I am in tears and have been for a little while ..... releasing ..... there is always more to give to Him.

 

[lforrest]

Okay... I have 2 curious questions that may seem odd. Idk if I'll have any takers. lol

1.What is your earliest memory?

2. Do you remember the layout of the home your family lived in when you were 1 yr old?

1. I have two memories that I can't discern which was first. One was a nightmare of a ghost popping up its head to scare me. The other was of the pediatrician and I was just past the point of being weighed on a baby scale.

2. Somewhat.

 

[TLHKAJ]

The other was of the pediatrician and I was just past the point of being weighed on a baby scale.

That's pretty cool.

 

[Brakelite]

One was a nightmare of a ghost popping up its head to scare me.

The first face you saw after exiting the womb... That pediatrician made quite the impression lol.

 

[TLHKAJ]

Brother @Backlit, idk what all the Lord is doing, but I still can't come to this thread and see your posts without weeping. It's good .... very good....

 

[Brakelite]

Brother @Backlit, idk what all the Lord is doing, but I still can't come to this thread and see your posts without weeping. It's good .... very good....

Give God all the glory sis.
KJV Psalms 86:14-17
14 O God, the proud are risen against me, and the assemblies of violent men have sought after my soul; and have not set thee before them.
15 But thou, O Lord, art a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth.
16 O turn unto me, and have mercy upon me; give thy strength unto thy servant, and save the son of thine handmaid.
17 Shew me a token for good; that they which hate me may see it, and be ashamed: because thou, LORD, hast holpen me, and comforted me.

 

[Pearl]

All I can remember was the circumcision, it hurt so bad I couldn’t walk for about a year.

How old were you?

 

[TLHKAJ]

How old were you?

That's what I was wondering. We waited till my sons got to the 8th day after birth. I had home births and on the 8th day, the blood is able to clot on its own without the synthetic "vitamin k" shots they'd have gotten in the hospital.

 

[Pearl]

That's what I was wondering. We waited till my sons got to the 8th day after birth. I had home births and on the 8th day, the blood is able to clot on its own without the synthetic "vitamin k" shots they'd have gotten in the hospital.

The 8th day is traditional for Jewish babies - like Jesus was taken to the temple on his 9th day - My uncle had to have it done when he was an adult and my husband when he was about two both for medical reasons. Must be painful though.

 

[TLHKAJ]

The 8th day is traditional for Jewish babies - like Jesus was taken to the temple on his 9th day - My uncle had to have it done when he was an adult and my husband when he was about two both for medical reasons. Must be painful though.

Yes. It was rough seeing my babies go through that.

 

[Lambano]

It was mainly just a curiosity, because although I have had an extensive amount of trauma from in the womb, I still have early childhood memories.

I have a sort of insider's understanding of how the mind, brain, and memories work. It's very complex. I was trained at a young age (sad to say) by my programmers, many things related to trauma and its effects on the brain to induce dissociation. And through my years of healing, I have learned how the mind/brain works to protect itself through dissociation, and storing away memories into files, very much like a computer. And those files often act like a cache on a computer....they are there for quick access when needed, then stored away (out of sight, out of mind) when not in use. So it's like you don't remember the info in those files, until you need to.

When there has been extensive trauma to the point of shattering one's mind (creating alter personalities), each part (or alter personality) has a different set of files. And sometimes alters share certain files (memory). For me, I had to learn how to access files (memory) and hold onto that information rather than just use the "quick cache" system ....of only accessing info as needed, then releasing it. I was only one part of the whole and so shattered, I had hundreds of thousands of alter personalities. God has brought much healing, integration, etc! And the healing continues.

Goodness, I could go on and on. And it's quite complex. I'm not sure I'm explaining this very well.

As an engineer with almost 40 years in the computer storage device industry, I find the computer cache analogy interesting. The integration process you mentioned reminds me of what a solid-state hard drive does when it has to rebuild its context tables. The data is there in permanent storage, but without context. Knowing some of the things that can and do go wrong with caching architectures, I can think of some other interesting applications, but they say it's not good to push an analogy too far.

Your MPD/DID thread is also helpful and has some useful references for understanding what I'm seeing. Thank you. It makes me smile to see God help you help others.