We can. One reason I did not comment on the OP creed so far is formatting; I'm not sure where the creed ends and your commentary begins. Perhaps the break is as follows.
So, I suggest a format like this.
Creed Title
Creed P1
Creed P2
Creed P3
...
Narrative/Comment Paragraph 1
Narrative/Comment Paragraph 2
Narrative/Comment Paragraph 3
...
This way, there is a clear demarkation of what you are intending.
Regarding what seems like the creed part of the OP; I don't like the idea that the 'ordinary man of no prominence' was reborn after he died because a resurrection is different from what is in Scripture of being born again.
Creeds should be exceedingly concise. IF my identification of your creed is correct, it has 390 words, whereas the Apostles Creed only has 111 words. So, I suggest dramatically condensing it for easier memorization.
Regarding what seems like the narrative/commentary of the OP; your question at the end of what creed the audience would prefer begs the need for a creed to begin with. In the book
When Jesus Became God, Richard Rubenstein explains the very reason the 4th century creed was devised is to counter different beliefs on the topic. The irony is the trinitarians began with a nod to the monotheist foundation of Judaism ...
I believe in one God, the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth. Then contradict themselves in the 2nd paragraph.
So, I appreciate how your creed begins straight away by talking about an 'ordinary man of no prominence.' In the show
The Choosen, there is a scene before Jesus goes to the temple in Nazareth that ends with them wanting to throw him off a cliff for blasphemy. In the opening scene, the man are playing a game of catch with a bean bag. Jesus is depicted as not being very good at this game. The beauty of this scene is that it reinforces that he was indeed, an 'ordinary man of no prominence' and that his divine gifts only pertain to the mission his Father gave him.
This is in contrast to the Omen II, where the Anti-Christ is a child in school and enrages a teacher who challenges him with a series of questions, meant to humiliate him in front of the class. The Anti-Christ answers all the questions correctly, further enraging the teacher. This scene serves to reinforce the notion that this is no ordinary child. Indeed, the Anti-Christ is an extraordinary man of great prominence.