Maybe you should have named this thread, "Mocking Christians and the Bible"?
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The PARODY collection #1
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quietthinker
Well-Known Member
Eyyy, me too! I appreciate your perspectives. I applaud your practice. I apprehend your points.
Words are powerful. So powerful, in fact, that they were the only tool the Creator used to make EVERYTHING. I wonder how many syllables the Aramaic equivalent of "be gone!" would be; although I don't doubt Jesus could have cast out demons as easily as saying "go!" I think there is a reason He didn't send devils to flight with a nasty look or pointed finger.
Indeed, words are so important that Jesus made it very clear throughout His earthly ministry that He did not speak a single one from Himself. He made it expressly clear that He was only speaking the words His Father gave Him. His point was that every single word He spoke was true and certain. He evaluated the words of others based on their alignment with truth (e.g. the Samaritan woman at the well, 'I have no husband' to which Jesus replies '... what you say is true.')
We are to 'test the spirits' to see whether they are from God. Do you know how? With words, of course! A spirit is an essence and we are to evaluate our own words by determining their origin, root, and foundation to see how they stand against truth. It's not a hazy gray area, the substance of our words is true or false. Period.
Everything is true or false. That is our choice and 'free will' put concisely, our need to determine if an idea is true or false because we cannot operate in between the two. We either believe something or we don't, and the choices we make will determine our path and destination. Personally, I despise a lie. I don't care how much it hurts, I want to choose truth every single time. I want to be certain by comparing everything against the only One who is true and certain.
Now, since you can employ words as you do, you have a greater responsibility!
What exactly are you saying?
Are you being as precise as you are able?
How might your words be received?
Have you investigated opposing perspectives?
The truth is offensive enough by itself, we need not compound the impact with the blight of condescension lest the opponent uproot truth as they dig up our own self-righteousness to distract from their errant stance. We must be so cautious and diligent to ensure we are offending by the sword of truth and not by statements founded on falsehood.
Word guys like words indeed, but it behooves us to ensure they are true to the best of our ability.
--- PARODY ---
Wife: Where should we go to eat?
Husband: I don't care, where do you want to go?
Wife: I don't know, you decide.
Husband: We can go wherever you want.
Wife: I don't know where we should go.
Husband: I thought you wanted to go out to eat.
Wife: I do.
Husband: Why can't you decide?
Wife: I need you to pick a place.
Husband: Okay, let's go to the Burger Barn.
Wife: No, I don't want to go there.
Husband: Let's do Asian buffet.
Wife: Nope.
Husband: Why don't you like my ideas?
Wife: They don't sound good to me.
Husband: Let's go to your favorite restaurant.
Wife: We went there last time.
Husband: That does it - we're going to the Burger Barn!
Wife: (sigh)
Husband: What's wrong?
[
Wife: Where should we go to eat?
Husband: I don't care, where do you want to go?
Wife: I don't know, you decide.
Husband: We can go wherever you want.
Wife: I don't know where we should go.
Husband: I thought you wanted to go out to eat.
Wife: I do.
Husband: Why can't you decide?
Wife: I need you to pick a place.
Husband: Okay, let's go to the Burger Barn.
Wife: No, I don't want to go there.
Husband: Let's do Asian buffet.
Wife: Nope.
Husband: Why don't you like my ideas?
Wife: They don't sound good to me.
Husband: Let's go to your favorite restaurant.
Wife: We went there last time.
Husband: That does it - we're going to the Burger Barn!
Wife: (sigh)
Husband: What's wrong?
[
quietthinker
Well-Known Member
Wife: If we're going there, let's be authentic. Where's your bow and arrow?
They're also called strawman arguments. It's fairly easy to bolster your own argument by distorting someone else's argument to make them look silly.
Jesus had parables, St. SteVen has parodies. - Coincidence? - LOL
--- PARODY --- Person #1: Receive the free gift of eternal life. Person #2: No thanks. Person #1: I said it was free. Person #2: There must be some strings attached. Person #1: Well, of course. Person #2: It's not a free gift then, right? Person #1: You had better take it... or else! Person...
www.christianityboard.com
[
You've already admitted you don't believe the Words of Jesus about the Flood!
--- PARODY ---
Christian #1: What is your position on this doctrine?
Christian #2: Only stupid people believe that.
Christian #1: Why would you say that?
Christian #2: You're a Calvinist.
Christian #1: What about the doctrine?
Christian #2: Only a heretic would believe that.
Christian #1: That's not really an answer.
Christian #2: If I explained you wouldn't understand.
Christian #1: Try me.
Christian #2: I've already wasted my time on you.
Christian #1: So you have no position on this doctrine?
Christian #2: Only stupid people believe that.
Christian #1: (sigh)
[
Christian #1: What is your position on this doctrine?
Christian #2: Only stupid people believe that.
Christian #1: Why would you say that?
Christian #2: You're a Calvinist.
Christian #1: What about the doctrine?
Christian #2: Only a heretic would believe that.
Christian #1: That's not really an answer.
Christian #2: If I explained you wouldn't understand.
Christian #1: Try me.
Christian #2: I've already wasted my time on you.
Christian #1: So you have no position on this doctrine?
Christian #2: Only stupid people believe that.
Christian #1: (sigh)
[
Enjoy stevie:
Genesis 19:24
24 Then the LORD rained brimstone and fire on Sodom and Gomorrah, from the LORD out of the heavens.
--- PARODY ---
Library patron: I'm looking for a book.
Librarian: Fiction, or non-fiction?
Library patron: I'm not sure.
Librarian: What is the title?
Library patron: The Bible.
Librarian: Who is the author?
Library patron: I'm not sure. God?
[
Library patron: I'm looking for a book.
Librarian: Fiction, or non-fiction?
Library patron: I'm not sure.
Librarian: What is the title?
Library patron: The Bible.
Librarian: Who is the author?
Library patron: I'm not sure. God?
[
--- PARODY ---
Christian #1: I’m not interested in your opinions.
Christian #2: What are you interested in?
Christian #1: The truth.
Christian #2: Aren't there opinions about the truth?
Christian #1: I want chapter and verse.
Christian #2: Do you own a Bible Commentary?
Christian #1: Of course I do.
Christian #2: Isn't that a book of opinions about the Bible?
Christian #1: They are theological experts.
Christian #2: Giving their opinions.
Christian #1: The theological experts have earned my trust.
Christian #2: Well, that's only your opinion. Right?
Christian #1: I’m not interested in your opinions.
Christian #2: What are you interested in?
Christian #1: The truth.
Christian #2: Aren't there opinions about the truth?
Christian #1: I want chapter and verse.
Christian #2: Do you own a Bible Commentary?
Christian #1: Of course I do.
Christian #2: Isn't that a book of opinions about the Bible?
Christian #1: They are theological experts.
Christian #2: Giving their opinions.
Christian #1: The theological experts have earned my trust.
Christian #2: Well, that's only your opinion. Right?
Amen!
The Christian Bible, God's Word that you constantly attack.
Again, the Bible, God's Word.
And that's what Christians give!
You shouldn't have listened to opinions. You should have read the Bible.
Quoting STV: No wonder I don't trust the Bible!
--- PARODY ---
A believer in hell.
Believer: Where am I?
Demon: Welcome to hell.
Believer: What?!! I'm not supposed to be here!
Demon: Why not?
Believer: I'm a Christian!
Demon: Did you really think that would keep you out of hell?
Believer: Yes, that's how it works.
Demon: Explain.
Believer: Become a Christian and avoid hell.
Demon: Did it work?
Believer: This is a nightmare, something is wrong!
Demon: Jesus sent you here because you need a tune-up.
Believer: What?
Demon: The fire here is meant to refine you, redeem you.
Believer: I thought I was already redeemed.
Demon: Like I said, you need a little work.
Believer: Are you going to torture me.
Demon: It's not like that. I'm here to help.
Believer: (suddenly wakes up from nightmare)
Believer: I think I need to do some work.
A believer in hell.
Believer: Where am I?
Demon: Welcome to hell.
Believer: What?!! I'm not supposed to be here!
Demon: Why not?
Believer: I'm a Christian!
Demon: Did you really think that would keep you out of hell?
Believer: Yes, that's how it works.
Demon: Explain.
Believer: Become a Christian and avoid hell.
Demon: Did it work?
Believer: This is a nightmare, something is wrong!
Demon: Jesus sent you here because you need a tune-up.
Believer: What?
Demon: The fire here is meant to refine you, redeem you.
Believer: I thought I was already redeemed.
Demon: Like I said, you need a little work.
Believer: Are you going to torture me.
Demon: It's not like that. I'm here to help.
Believer: (suddenly wakes up from nightmare)
Believer: I think I need to do some work.
STV LOVES his fairy tales, but doesn't trust God of the Bible!
Quoting STV: "I'm not convinced God wanted us to have a Bible"!
I don't appreciate your constant lying about me.
Revelation 21:8 NIV
But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral,
those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur.
This is the second death.”
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