At the age of ten I responded to an altar call. The first and most noticeable difference in me was, I because aware/conscious of my sin/shortcomings before God in a real and profound way. And, I set out to live a pure and holy life for God, in reality, by obeying God’s laws/TC. There was no excuse for sin, if I was to inherit eternal life, I must obey God’s laws/not commit sin.
The problem was, I could not be sinless. I was not loving others as I should, I had unkind thoughts of others, I got angry at times(as kids and adults do) and all the time I felt much guilt at my imperfections/failure to obey God’s laws/not commit sin.
But then I reached puberty and my problems magnified out of all recognition, for along came impure thoughts/lust. I honestly did not want them, I wanted to live a pure and holy life for God. They were transgressing the TC, I was risking hell by having them. My stomach used to churn over when they came, I did not want to go to hell. The more I feared those thoughts, the worse they got. In the end, to use a Greek term, I was consumed by all manner of concupiscence/lust. In the years since I got saved I had become exceedingly sinful, far more than I would ever have imagined possible
Looking back at that time, what can I say about it? I had felt alive once, a normal healthy kid before I made that commitment to Christ, because the law had not been placed within me, and so, there was no condemnation concerning it. But when it did come, sin revived, or sin consciousness sprang to life and I died/felt condemned. The commandment I believed was ordained to life, if I obeyed it, instead brought death/condemnation for I could not keep it. Through my knowledge of the tenth commandment, and my fear of breaking it, all manner of concupiscence/lust/sexual desire had been aroused in me, and through the law I was condemned:
Nay, I had not known sin, but by the law: for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet.
8 But sin, taking occasion by the commandment, wrought in me all manner of concupiscence. For without the law sin was dead.
9 For I was alive without the law once: but when the commandment came, sin revived(or sin consciousness sprang to life) and I died.
10 And the commandment, which was ordained to life, I found to be unto death.
11 For sin, taking occasion by the commandment, deceived me, and by it slew me.
Wherefore the law is holy, and the commandment holy, and just, and good.
13 Was then that which is good made death unto me? God forbid. But sin, that it might appear sin, working death in me by that which is good; that sin by the commandment might become exceeding sinful.