Clean Jokes Thread

Mancunian · Oct 14, 2026

I've been told to eat more greens so I'm waiting for the fried chicken to go off.

Mancunian · Oct 14, 2026

I'm an armchair critic. The one I'm sat in now is very uncomfortable.

Mancunian · Oct 14, 2026

I'm a keyboard warrior. Unfortunately the wire trips me over before I can land a blow.

Mancunian · Oct 14, 2026

My flatmate Cal moved out and my washing machine worked a lot better.
Washing machines work better with Cal gone.

Matthias · Oct 15, 2026

Mancunian · Oct 15, 2026

If you're attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.

Mancunian · Oct 15, 2026

What is a fully cleaned house a sign of?

No internet connection.

Mancunian · Oct 15, 2026

I get so excited about gardening that I wet my plants.

Mancunian · Oct 15, 2026

I used to think that I was indecisive but now I'm not so sure.

Mancunian · Oct 15, 2026

To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you're happy!

Mancunian · Oct 15, 2026

I entered ten of my best puns into a competition to see which one would win...

No pun in ten did.

Mancunian · Oct 15, 2026

I've invented a new word....

Plagiarism.

Mancunian · Oct 15, 2026

What's the difference between a Rabbit and a Plum?
They're both purple except for the rabbit.

Mancunian · Oct 15, 2026

I've put my vacuum cleaner on eBay....

It was just gathering dust.

Matthias · Oct 15, 2026

Mancunian · Oct 15, 2026

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It was stapled to the punk-rocker.

Mancunian · Oct 15, 2026

How do you get two whales in a family car?

Turn left at Chester.

Mancunian · Oct 15, 2026

I bought a train ticket to London, the guy said "Change at Crewe". I said "I want my change now".

Mancunian · Oct 15, 2026

What is worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Finding half of one.

Mancunian · Oct 15, 2026

I think the Harry Potter films are really far fetched.
I mean, there's a ginger kid with friends.