I grew up in the Christian Church and knew about the power of God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. There was a time in my life at age 14 after hearing about the unforgivable sin, I believed the lie of the pharisees when they said that Jesus has a demonic spirit and I feel like it's too late for me. I don't have godly sorrow and I tried to come to Christ several times but I damaged my life forever at age 14. I feel like the most abnormal case in the world. 99.9% of the world's population did not experience what I experience at age 14 and I went way too far than most of them. Even Apostle Paul is better than me. I don't have genuine saving faith or repentance. I wish that I had something else to put my mind on at such a young age. What should I do now?