Clean Jokes Thread

[Mancunian]

Why was six scared of seven? Because seven eight nine.

 

[Mancunian]

I asked my German friend if he had any children, he said "nine"
I thought, wow that's a lot.

 

[Mancunian]

I asked my wife where she would like to go on holiday, she said "Hungary"
I said " I wouldn't mind a McDonald's."

 

[Mancunian]

My Irish friend thought that Sheffield Wednesday was a public holiday.

 

[Mancunian]

My friend just keeps having affairs.
I'm sure that he thinks that monogamy is a type of wood.

 

[Matthias]

During my wife's labour, the nurse came up to her and said, "How about Epidural Anaesthesia?"

She said, "Thanks, but we've already picked a name."

 

[Riven]

 

[RLT63]

I dated a girl who was so fat, she stepped on my dog's tail and when I took him to the vet the vet said "I'm sorry sir but your beaver is dead "

 

[RLT63]

Every time I passed gas it sounded like it said "Honda"
I went to the doctor and he listened and said "You have an abscess tooth "
I said "What?"
He said "Abcess makes the fart go Honda"

 

[RLT63]

Why don't aardvarks catch colds?
Because they're full of antibodies

 

[RLT63]

If you ate a clownfish would it taste funny?

 

[RLT63]

What do you call a singer with a laptop on her head?
A dell

 

[RLT63]

How many telemarketers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner.

 

[RLT63]

What do you give a man who has everything?
Penicillin.

 

[RLT63]

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've already lost 3 days