Dating A Non-Christian

[Paul9401]

Please, stop debating in my Topic.

if you want to debate about this, start a new Topic. Please, my inbox is floating over because of all these discussions, I can't even read them all.

 

[Paul9401]

Okay, I've made up my mind.

Now I need some really strong advice in how to tell her I better no date her. Please keep in mind, she doesn't know anyhing about the faith. Don't say that I should tell her about 'unevenly yoked-stuff ". She won't understand it..

Please, this is really hard for me.

 

[TexUs]

Please, stop debating in my Topic.

if you want to debate about this, start a new Topic. Please, my inbox is floating over because of all these discussions, I can't even read them all.

Go "My Settings" then "Notification Options" and tell it "No Notification". It'll still track the topic, but it'll track it in your content instead of sending you emails all the time. Or change it to Daily Digest and you'll only get one summary a day.

Now I need some really strong advice in how to tell her I better no date her. Please keep in mind, she doesn't know anyhing about the faith. Don't say that I should tell her about 'unevenly yoked-stuff ". She won't understand it..

You need to make it clear, obviously, that you like spending time with her (there's no use to burn a friendship, plus you still would like to share Christ with her!).
But you need to explain to her that your foundational worldviews are at odds with each other. While you haven't been through much hardship or difficult issues, that when you do, a common foundational worldview based on your Savior is the best thing to build a relationship on. But right now, your worldviews will be different.
Throw out the Bible and what reason does any unbeliever have for abstinence? That topic will probably be of issue later down the road. Your foundation tells you that this is not part of God's design, hers will probably tell her it's OK. I don't know what topics are relevant between you two, but in my opinion find a potential one and use it as an example.
All in all, the point is that "surface compatibility" (IE, butterflies in your stomach kind of "like") is great right now, but when things end up in the rocks and things get torn down to the bedrock, how will your foundational worldviews collide? Will they clash or will they mesh?
If she's not Christian then they will mesh, "what fellowship does light have with dark?" as Paul tells us... The sinful mind doesn't understand God nor can it do so, is also what he tells us... These will definitely be issues down the road.

As for your little speech, I don't know exactly what to tell her, but those are just some ideas to get you started. I've never had to tell an unbeliever this before as I had never let it get to be an issue, so please post back and let us (me) know how it goes.

 

[Paul9401]

Thank you.

I really need some ideas on what to say.

 

[TexUs]

Thank you.

I really need some ideas on what to say.

I provided some Biblical snippets but I wouldn't use those, an "I believe" will suffice because that's all that matters to her, as the Bible isn't authorititative for her yet (Well, it technically is, but you know what I mean).

I'd probably do something like the following. Except like I said, I don't know you, and I don't know her, so I don't know what examples might be best and what might be a more relevant topic. And granted this is also coming from my beliefs and not yours, all I can give you is ideas you can draw from.



"You know I believe God created this world and all things. I believe he is in control of everything. I also believe he designed the universe to work a certain way. I do enjoy being friends with you and I enjoy watching movies/tv/shopping with you, it's very fun and enjoyable for me. I believe that just scratches the surface of true compatibility. Relationships/love goes deeper than just the fun we have together, the real test comes when all that goes away, what would be left at the foundational level of our relationship? When we are at odds about some unknown issue in the future, what common ground would we have from our foundational worldviews? Would they mesh together or would they clash? As I was saying I believe God has created the universe to work a specific way. I think my foundation will differ from you here, I believe the Bible provides those guidelines in regards to drinking, sex, family, ministry, etc. *I'm not sure what issues are relevant to her*. While it's a good thing, I believe sex is a good thing when done within the guidelines that God has designed it, whereas my conviction of that comes from the authority of the Bible, your authority is your own. Your authority might give you no problem getting drunk, the authority on my life tells me I shouldn't. *Again, I don't know what issues are relevant* What happens if we need to deal with bigger issues than this? I just think our foundational worldviews will certainly collide. Thus I believe we can continue being great friends, we just shouldn't delve into the relationship arena."

Something to that extent. Perhaps these questions and issues you bring up will trigger something that does usher in ministry opportunity. Be wary if it does, to test the authenticity of it, as perhaps she's just playing along.
A friend of mine was burnt back in High School by a girl similar to this... Except she professed to be a Christian the whole time, and one day she asked if he'd sleep with her. Needless to say he later found out she's quite lose and sleeps with lots of guys and other than when she's trying to date a Christian guy, never sets foot in church or otherwise lives for Christ. But she maintained the IMAGE of a Christian while she was dating him! So I'm just saying, the ability to wear a mask should not be underestimated... (Again why I think dating, for the purpose of marriage, is a long process to truly get to know the person, it shouldn't be a quick thing).

Maybe someone else has suggestions. That's just what comes to my mind If she respects your beliefs and likes you enough as a kind of friend that can deliver bad news... She shouldn't have a problem with this.

 

[Paul9401]

Okay, I did it. I feel terrible, so does she.

She's crying, so am I.

It seems I DID hurt her really bad, and that hurt me really bad.

Happy now, "God"?

 

[deprofundis]

EDIT: Well, the post that was originally here is a little bit outdated, I guess.

As I said above (admittedly with regard to the opposite conclusion, but it's as applicable to both), not everything in life is easy or pleasant, and that's especially true of things that are worth doing. To use somewhat crude language, getting your heart broken (especially the first few times) sucks and there's no way around it. For you, remember that "The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit." For her, I think it's important to remind her that you're still there, and you still care for her, even if you don't feel you can date her; don't push, it may be painful to be around her, but don't push her away, either. Remind her that she still has a friend in you and that she's still someone who's important to you.

If you need to talk about it further, my personal message box is always open and I'll keep looking at this thread. I know that only thing worse than being hurt yourself is knowing that you hurt someone you love (as a friend or otherwise), and even if I can't necessarily offer advice, I can offer compassion.

 

[Angeldove]

Okay, I did it. I feel terrible, so does she.

She's crying, so am I.

It seems I DID hurt her really bad, and that hurt me really bad.

Happy now, "God"?

I know this won't make sense to you right now...

But better NOW than later down the road. Trust me, your probably saved her a lot of heart ache (and yourself too).

Blessings!

 

[bigape]

This has the smell of a Troll..........

 

[Paul9401]

I saved nobody any heartache..

Is everyone sure that there is NO way I should not try it with her?

 

[deprofundis]

I, for one, see no reason not to try it. As I said, I don't believe Paul was saying what most others seem to think he was, as a result of my interpretation of Paul's words from the Greek in which they were written. The relationship might not work out, and neither party may be saved any heartache in the end, but if you don't try, it doesn't work out and nobody is spared any heartache, either. The risk is being led astray from His path, but this risk is not only always present, it should be discernible. If you ever feel the relationship leads you away from Him, that's the time to stop it, but there's no reason to simply assume this will be case. Others may argue that Paul says explicitly not to do it (and they do have some reason to do so, especially in some translations), but I'm saying he's providing a warning. You can proceed, but by all means you must be wary. My interpretation is from the words used in Paul's original Greek, and from the context of Corinthians. Others have explained what their interpretations are based on, and I have no place putting words in their mouth, but I would say that love is always worth trying. True, legitimate love is one of the few things this sorry world can't pollute and ruin. It's rare, but a chance at receiving His greatest gift next to salvation, and a chance at giving both to another, is worth taking.

 

[Paul9401]

It's done.

She doesn't understand it, but she accepts it.

I think It'd be time to close the topic.

 

[Selene]

Okay, I did it. I feel terrible, so does she.

She's crying, so am I.

It seems I DID hurt her really bad, and that hurt me really bad.

Happy now, "God"?

Hello Paul,

I am so sorry that you and your friend are hurt. Jesus loves you and your girlfriend. He loves everyone and you can see the result of God's love for all of us. How much did God love us? He stretched out His arms on the cross...that's how much He loves us. Were we worth the risk and the pain? God calls everyone to Him including the non-Christians. St. Paul went to the Gentiles and converted many of them through love. Did he suffer for it?. Yes, and so did the rest of the Apostles, but if it had not been for them, the Gentiles would never had known God's love for them. It is said that it is best to love and lost than to not love at all. And that is true. God is love and if one does not love or cannot love, then one does not know God who is love.

However, you are only going on 17. You are still very young....too young to even think about marriage. God always has a plan for everyone. I cannot tell you whether to date her or not. All I can say is that the choice is yours. Regardless of what choice you make, God will always be there for you.

In Christ,
Selene

It's done.

She doesn't understand it, but she accepts it.

I think It'd be time to close the topic.

You are both in my prayers.

 

[mjrhealth]

Okay, I did it. I feel terrible, so does she.

She's crying, so am I.

It seems I DID hurt her really bad, and that hurt me really bad.

Happy now, "God"?

See it wasnt God, but HE gets the blame. It happened as I said.If you really love her, then Just be yourself, let God work in the relationshp, , let her see Jesus in you, then God can work, When you start working God stops.If you continue to listen to the nonense on this page, you will destroy a good thing.

In His Love

 

[TexUs]

When you start working God stops

Where in any of Scripture is this found?

You must be a Prosperity preacher.

 

[mcorba]

Paul follow the advice your heart gives you, it sounds like you have a good relationship with Christ, he will speak to you over time and only you will know or be able to decide. We here cannot say whether it will develop into a deep love and if she will change over time - atheists convert to Christianity as well as agnostic and other faiths.

I had the opposite happen to me, I was a lapsed Christian and met a born again evangelical (who was raised as an atheist) who led me back to Christ through the Holy Spirit! Life can be unexpected and amazing...be patient.

Mike x