You would think that after thousands of years of seeking and searching for an omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient being, that He would have shown up by now. At least given us clues that He is real.
But being raised a christian pentecostal myself, I have seen people yell, sweat, run, jump, foam at the mouth, speak in tongues, and not to mention the things that I have read about people doing, in the never-ending persuit of God. Many people have spent hundreds of thousands of hours in deep study, over their lifetime...
But the only thing I see, personally and honestly, is confusion on top of confusion. All I see is fighting among Christians, churches, groups and denominations. All I see is endless debates about what God thinks about this and that. But God Himself never ever brings about reconciliation or finality. There are always extremes, but I don't see a balance. I don't see consistency. I don't see substance. All I see is subjectivity.
It seems to me that this is an every-man-for-himself, get-in-where-you-fit-in, "believe what you want to believe" world, where everyone "believes" but no one knows anything.
This makes me think that maybe there is a desperate, dependent and co-dependent part of every human being that wants so badly to believe that there is stability in the universe, that we follow traditional beliefs about a God who has everything under "control." We refuse to let go of this belief, because to do so would force us to face a very cold reality. Maybe the biggest addiction in this world is not drugs, sex, or entertainment. Maybe our biggest addiction is the belief in "God?"
Despite the way this sounds, I'm not an atheist. I don't claim any belief system other than what I was brought up in (christianity). And even this I am seriously questioning. something just isn't adding up for me. And I feel that the most vivid reality is that much of what we believe about the "spirit" world is wishful thinking.
I just wonder
But being raised a christian pentecostal myself, I have seen people yell, sweat, run, jump, foam at the mouth, speak in tongues, and not to mention the things that I have read about people doing, in the never-ending persuit of God. Many people have spent hundreds of thousands of hours in deep study, over their lifetime...
But the only thing I see, personally and honestly, is confusion on top of confusion. All I see is fighting among Christians, churches, groups and denominations. All I see is endless debates about what God thinks about this and that. But God Himself never ever brings about reconciliation or finality. There are always extremes, but I don't see a balance. I don't see consistency. I don't see substance. All I see is subjectivity.
It seems to me that this is an every-man-for-himself, get-in-where-you-fit-in, "believe what you want to believe" world, where everyone "believes" but no one knows anything.
This makes me think that maybe there is a desperate, dependent and co-dependent part of every human being that wants so badly to believe that there is stability in the universe, that we follow traditional beliefs about a God who has everything under "control." We refuse to let go of this belief, because to do so would force us to face a very cold reality. Maybe the biggest addiction in this world is not drugs, sex, or entertainment. Maybe our biggest addiction is the belief in "God?"
Despite the way this sounds, I'm not an atheist. I don't claim any belief system other than what I was brought up in (christianity). And even this I am seriously questioning. something just isn't adding up for me. And I feel that the most vivid reality is that much of what we believe about the "spirit" world is wishful thinking.
I just wonder