Funny quotes, sayings (clean)

[TLHKAJ]

Came across this just now and thought I'd share a good laugh with y'all.
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Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from behind, or a fool from any direction.

Never dig for water under an outhouse.

Don't squat with your spurs on.

If trouble comes knocking, don't offer it a place to sit down.

If you find yourself in a hole, stop diggin'!

 

[Debp]

“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”
—Dave Barry

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
—Robin Williams

“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”
—Rodney Dangerfield

 

[Debp]

“At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”– Ann Landers

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”– Bill Watterson

“By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”– Charles Wadsworth

 

[skybloo]

"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
– Bob Hope