Getting things off my chest

Hello.

I am in a very very dark place in my life (well, have always been..) and have no relatives and basically no one I could talk to about the heavy on my heart therefore I am spamming here as I hope I found a page with people who won´t judge me as a coward for my decision.

Pretty much as anyone else who also has been through deep trauma, I did question the ´purpose of life´ and its overall meaning in the past. I spent several weeks just thinking and researching why would I keep on suffering for no reason - if there was no ultimate purpose.
I was a coward enough to believe it for a few minutes that they may be a meaning to all the suffering in this world. Let me tell you it was just whishful thinking. There is no ´God´. If there was, I wouldn´t be sitting here and trying to find a way how to peacefully end my suffering finally forever in another year now after trying to do the best in my life for me as well as for others.
How do you explain why innocent children all over the world have to suffer? Please don´t tell me about the crazy reincarnation thing (you need to whitness the starvation in Africa yourself then). What is the purpose of such suffering? There is none.
I´ve always tried to be a good person and help others. Not because I believe in heaven, nor hell. But because it makes me happy and I know myself what it is to suffer enormously.
Sadly - anytime I needed help, no one would help me. Im attaching the story of my life in order to warn others of the risks of keeping an unwanted child and upbringing them in poverty (and obviously I am also doing it because I have been in pain for a quarter of century now just on my own and need to get everything off my chest..).

[Link removed]

Boy, so much I wish I never have been born. Not procreating is the key. If you really care for living creatures. Do no procreate. No procreation means no suffering.
Really hope I´ll find the least painful way how to end my misery up.
Merry Christmas everyone