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Irrational/rational Fear write outs

Discussion in 'Addiction & Recovery Forum' started by Mayflower, Nov 4, 2018.

  1. Pearl

    Pearl Well-Known Member

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    I was thinking of EFT - Emotional Freedom Techniques. Thanks for the info. :)
     
  2. Mayflower

    Mayflower Well-Known Member

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  3. farouk

    farouk Well-Known Member

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    Great verse there! and Amen about prayer!
     
  4. shnarkle

    shnarkle Well-Known Member

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    I also write a lot, and have written extensively about my fears, anxieties etc. My latest is a fear of small pockets, especially in my own flesh. I've actually had this fear most of my life. I can remember a nightmare I had as a small child where some insect numbed out an area behind my ear and deposited innumerable eggs. They then hatched and began scurrying all over my head, face, body etc.

    About two or three years ago, I was online and saw an image on yahoo of someone's knee. They had just removed it from some gravel and there were numerous small bits of dirt and gravel embedded in the knee as well as pock marks from where other pieces had fallen out.

    A few days later there was yet another similar picture of someone's thumb which had bits of debris embedded in it as well as holes where pieces had fallen out.

    A few days later, there was yet another picture of some flowering plant that had lost it's flowers, and a seed pod was all that remained. It also had some seeds in the pods, but others had fallen out and left empty holes.

    All of these images elicited an incredibly strong urge to vomit followed by an intense need to escape or somehow erase these images from my mind. The only thoughts that were associated with these images were of evacuating my cranial vault with a 12 gauge shotgun.

    I do not believe these thoughts are mine. I seriously believe that they were somehow transmitted through the images themselves on my computer screen.

    This fear of holes is known as trypophobia. My conclusion is probably just a garden variety paranoia.
     
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  5. aspen

    aspen “"The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few

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    I used to be afraid that I had a secret, terminal or chronic illness. WebMD provided me with momentary comfort, but it also help me diagnose myself with worse things. Once my pinky finger was moving by itself and I remembered that Michael J. Fox had that symptom, which turned into Parkinson’s disease - of course it wasn’t the quad espresso I drank in two seconds about an hour earlier - it was Parkinson’s! I lived with this type of anxiety for years, until I started sitting and listening to God for 15 minutes a day. I would sit with my eyes closed and my mind alert and just let my thoughts flow by. You can call it meditation, but it is so much more because it is completely focused on God.
     
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  6. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    Hello, @Mayflower ...how are you doing? I'm wondering how your visit with your dad turned out (for you and for him).

    Your story sounds very similar to my experience with my own dad. Maybe I will share my experience at some point.
     
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  7. Mayflower

    Mayflower Well-Known Member

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    Yes that was actually last year. It turned out okay. We havent talked since then. Just feels a bit awkward and he is still drinking, so makes it hard.
     
  8. farouk

    farouk Well-Known Member

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    @TLHKAJ It would indeed be good to hear what you think you can eventually share.
     
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  9. farouk

    farouk Well-Known Member

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    @Mayflower I can understand ppl for whom if drink has been part of family life not wanting ever to touch alcohol. Keep praying; I'm sure you do.
     
  10. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    I understand. Just continue to pray for him. I will pray as often as this comes to mind.

    Did you ever resolve why you were having such a strong reaction to the anticipation of seeing him?
    If this is too much, feel free not to answer.

    When I heard from my dad in 2004 after no contact for 6 years, I had so many conflicting responses and emotions. I felt nausea (for weeks), and yet I knew it was an answer to prayer. I'd prayed for his salvation since I came to Christ at age 13. They Lord told me when I was a baby Christian (age 14;1986) that He would save my dad. I prayed for him for years until God told me to lay that burden down in 1997.

    For over 6 years, I didn't hear from him and didn't know if he was dead or alive. Then he recontacted me in late 2004. I knew it was an answer to those prayers and God's promise. So although my physical body reacted with nausea, my heart was hopeful.
    I did go see him in January 2005 ...as he had been diagnosed with cancer. I knew God wanted me to visit him ...yet I experienced anxiety, and nightmares. Although I went with my husband and our children were with us, overall, it was a positive time. I did spend a great deal of mental energy making sure my children were not physically close to him.

    I went to see him again, alone, in September 2004. But I didn't take my children. I did not want a man who'd sexually abused me from infancy to look at my children and have impure thoughts toward them. But I wanted to be there for him in his time of need.
    It was good for him and for me. He couldn't do much because of the pain meds. But he knew I was there. And I saw something different in his eyes when he was coherent...peace and love. I knew there had been a change.

    We went again to see him on Thanksgiving Day. His siblings were there. He was especially coherent through most of the visit. And when he had to go to bed, I was able to talk privately with him, hug him, and pray with him. When I was to leave, he said, "I'll be seein' you." I grasped his foot on my way out of the room. And that night, I got word that he passed away.


    I had prayed that if his heart was right and ready to meet God, that God would take him Home on Thanksgiving Day. He answered my prayer. :) And a pastor confirmed that my dad had accepted Christ a few months before.

    Despite such powerful moving of God, this was extremely difficult emotionally, and it triggered new trauma memories, nightmares, etc. But it was a springboard toward so much more healing. God knows what He's doing. :)

    Just because we encounter difficulty does not mean God isn't directing. God has taught my heart not to judge a journey by its storms. And by that, I mean ...God himself may direct us to get into a boat and embark on a journey where we will encounter fierce storms. But like with Peter, God will use those storms to teach us things we would have never otherwise been able to learn. In the storm, Peter learned to walk by faith and not by sight. Later, he was the one who said to the blind man in the gate..."Silver and gold have I none, but such as I have give I unto you." What Peter learned in the storm, he was able to give.... "In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk!" That was exactly the lesson Peter learned in that storm! Amazing, isn't it?

    He will use you and I to give to others..."such as I have...I give...in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth..." Amen. :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2020
  11. farouk

    farouk Well-Known Member

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    @TLHKAJ A very honest post; I do think Psalm 46 is a great background psalm for believers with traumatic experiences. Goes to show also the great importance of prayer as you will have proved.
     
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  12. Mayflower

    Mayflower Well-Known Member

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    Powerful testimony. Thank you for sharing. Yes, my dad sexually abused me when I was young. And I hadnt seen him in over 15 years. Plus, there was a lot at home besides that. My mom would regularly lock him in the backroom with a dead bolt and chain with the windows boarded up. He wasnt allowed to look at other women, but could for me and babysit me, since I was young and under developed. It was just a really hard childhood. Didnt want to relive those memories. But it went well. It was good to see him...and I recently learned my sister had memories come back where my dad did do the same thing to her. It really was hard to hear.
     
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  13. Heart2Soul

    Heart2Soul Spiritual Warrior Staff Member

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    Praise God....even abusive fathers are worthy of salvation and forgiveness. I have been abused as well....still praying he will accept Jesus into his heart.:)
     
  14. Mayflower

    Mayflower Well-Known Member

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    God has healed and forgiven me, so I was able to forgive my dad and pray for his healing now.
     
  15. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    It most certainly was a lot for a child to endure. I'm glad the visit went well, all things concerned.
     
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  16. Heart2Soul

    Heart2Soul Spiritual Warrior Staff Member

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    That is awesome! There is so much freedom in forgiveness! Hugs!
     
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  17. TLHKAJ

    TLHKAJ Well-Known Member

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    Amen ...we can make this a matter of prayer as well. :) Stink'n devil doesn't win when we pray for those who've hurt us. Haha! I think Jesus's command to pray for our enemies is as much for us as it is for those we're praying for.
     
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  18. farouk

    farouk Well-Known Member

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    "Satan trembles when he sees
    The weakest saint upon his knees..."
     
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  19. Helen

    Helen Well-Known Member

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    Hello there..nice to see you here.

    Thank you for that lovely testimony ..."I'll be seeing you" ...and indeed you will.

    God bless you and your family .
     
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  20. marks

    marks Well-Known Member

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    Ditto on that experience.

    I was looking for an apology some years ago. The reply was . . . "you have a problem with anger." Deadpan.

    So much for that!

    Much love!
     
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