Jokes, fun and comedy

[Sabertooth]

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one very hot day. They were sweating profusely by the time they came upon a small lake with a sandy beach.

Since it was a secluded spot, they left all their clothes on a big log, ran down the beach to the lake and jumped in the water for a long, refreshing swim.

Refreshed, they were halfway back up the beach to the spot they'd left their clothes, when a group of ladies from town came along.

Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover in the bushes.

After the ladies wandered on and the men got dressed again, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.

The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in my congregation, it's my face they would recognize'.

 

[marksman]

Flatulence in public is against the law in Malawi.

I suppose that is the reason they don't get all behind in their work.

 

[marksman]

What do you call a horse without any hair?

 

[marksman]

Some old dude was arrested recently somewhere in Europe for farting. Serious.

How did they find him as Europe is a big place? Must have been a real big one.

 

[Brakelite]

How did they find him as Europe is a big place? Must have been a real big one.

Satellites now have gas detection.

 

[Brakelite]

Austrian man fined for farting ‘with full intent’ at police

 

[Josho]

A broke dirty Cowboy walks into a bar and says, "Gimme whiskey." The bartender says, "I'll have to see your money first." "I'm broke, but if you give me a bottle of whiskey, I'll get up on that stage and fart Dixie!" The bartender had never seen someone fart any kind of song, so he agrees. The Cowboy drinks the whole bottle of whiskey, then staggers up on stage and the audience start applauding. Then he drops his pants and the audience start cheering even louder. Then, he proceeds to poop all over the stage, and everyone gets disgusted and leave. The bartender screams, "You said you were gonna fart Dixie! Not poop all over my stage!" And the Cowboy replies, "Hey! Even Frank Sinatra had to clear his throat before he sang!"

source: Fart Dixie Joke - Cowboy Jokes

 

[Philip James]

A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.
His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded

"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"

 

[marksman]

Austrian man fined for farting ‘with full intent’ at police

Wow? Fancy being in a full tent!!

 

[marksman]

A broke dirty Cowboy walks into a bar and says, "Gimme whiskey." The bartender says, "I'll have to see your money first." "I'm broke, but if you give me a bottle of whiskey, I'll get up on that stage and fart Dixie!" The bartender had never seen someone fart any kind of song, so he agrees. The Cowboy drinks the whole bottle of whiskey, then staggers up on stage and the audience start applauding. Then he drops his pants and the audience start cheering even louder. Then, he proceeds to poop all over the stage, and everyone gets disgusted and leave. The bartender screams, "You said you were gonna fart Dixie! Not poop all over my stage!" And the Cowboy replies, "Hey! Even Frank Sinatra had to clear his throat before he sang!"

source: Fart Dixie Joke - Cowboy Jokes

Oh man, you are incorrigible.

 

[Sabertooth]

What do you call a horse without any hair?

You never answered this one...

Speaking About Baldness...​

If a man is balding from the front, he is a lover...

If he is balding from the back, he is a thinker...

If he is balding from the front AND the back, he thinks he is a lover...!

 

[marksman]

You never answered this one...

Speaking About Baldness...​

If a man is balding from the front, he is a lover...

If he is balding from the back, he is a thinker...

If he is balding from the front AND the back, he thinks he is a lover...!

The answer is a piebald.

 

[Sabertooth]

What is the definition of a "fanatic...?"

Spoiler

Someone who loves God more than you do...!

 

[Sabertooth]

"Waiter, what is this FLY doing in my soup...!?"
"I believe that's the backstroke, sir..."

 

[Sabertooth]

Going down the highway too close to the right or the left edge is dangerous as there likely to be is a bottomless pit or an unfathomable polluted sea on either side. So looking at it like that it seems that it would be better to stick always to the very middle of the road,...

A highway patrolman was sitting on the side of the road when a car sped past him down the middle of the road! Giving chase, he pulled over the errant speedster one mile later.

"Do you realize that you were doing 75mph in a 45mph zone?"
"Yes, sir."
"Where are you coming from this evening?"
"From the DMV. I just got my license!"
"Why were you driving so fast?"
"I was just following the instructions on their form."
"How so?"
"It said, 'Tear along the dotted line...' "

 

[Yan]

 

[Josho]

Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer?

Because he couldn't see himself doing it.

 

[Sabertooth]

Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer?

Because he couldn't see himself doing it.

(At least, he was transparent about his intentions...!)

 

[Heart2Soul]

(At least, he was transparent about his intentions...!)

Good one!

 

[Heart2Soul]

Protect what's yours at any cost!!!! Beware of the enemy that tries to sneak up and steal your bone! Hahaha!