What is marriage and when do you really become married? Is it after some formal or elaborate ceremony or process, such as when a justice of the peace, ordained minister or “priest” of some "church" mumbles some words in front of you both while holding a bible or some other “religious” book, after which he says you’re now married, or what?
Such things as mentioned above are man-made traditions which have evolved over time and may in fact be what’s commonly done and accepted by society for a variety of reasons including satisfying society’s legal process, but although society, including the church and religious bodies in general, may tend to consider or discuss marriage from man's point of view based on such worldly, legalistic, and/or ceremonial perspectives, do these processes really constitute marriage or being/becoming married according to the scriptures? At what point are you considered married in the eyes of God since you won’t find any ceremony required or sanctioned by God in the bible? When do you become married from God’s perspective and what does the bible say and teach regarding this subject?
So, what does the word “marriage” mean? What does “marry” (verb) or “to marry” mean from which it’s derived? Aside from the commonly accepted use and understanding (by man) today of the word “marriage” in the human sense of joining 2 people together in marriage as noted above through some ceremonial or otherwise accepted legal process, the word also means (Webster), “combine”, or “unite”, “merge”, “blend”, and so on, such as when (in non-human terms) considering the joining together physically of, for instance, 2 pieces of metal by welding, fastening, soldering, etc., or 2 pieces of wood by gluing them together, or by the use of screws, nails, or a variety of other means, as well as all other previously separated objects that are joined together through some process by which they become physically one. But in all cases whether applying the word to people or inanimate objects or ‘things’, the end result is the physical joining together of the 2 previously separate pieces so they then become united as one! This is what happens when 2 people are joined together in “marriage”; they become one physically, but when does this really occur? Here’s what the bible (God’s word) says.
Gen 2:24
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Comment: Here in the second chapter of God’s word, there was no ceremony, no man-made traditions of any kind, yet God speaks of the man and his wife, and further that “they shall be one flesh”. So, at what point did they become “one flesh” would be the logical question to ask? The answer should be obvious: when they are joined together sexually!
So were Adam and Eve married? I’d say that they were at this point as further documented below. She was his wife, but they were not one flesh until they were joined together physically (“married”) by having sex.
Gen 4:1
“And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD.”
Comment: In this passage, Eve was considered Adam’s wife, after which he “knew” her, which is the common word and phraseology used in the bible to denote that sexual relations occurred. So Eve was his wife, without there being a ceremony, and without having yet engaged in sexual intercourse, which is at the point they became “one flesh” and were “married”, or joined together.
And later in Genesis 38, you find another instance that clearly defines the point at which people become “married”, also with no ceremony and without the man and woman in this case even being man-and-wife.
If this instance, the man was told to “go in unto” (which is another common phrase used in the scriptures meaning to have sexual intercourse with) his deceased brother’s wife and “marry” her so she could bare offspring through her brother-in-law on behalf of his deceased brother, which was the tradition at that time sanctioned by God, as a means of carrying-on and perpetuating the family. The key here is that this was considered “marrying” (the joining together physically of the two individuals).
Gen 38: 1-10
1And it came to pass at that time, that Judah went down from his brethren, and turned in to a certain Adullamite, whose name was Hirah.
2And Judah saw there a daughter of a certain Canaanite, whose name was Shuah; and he took her, and went in unto her.
3And she conceived, and bare a son; and he called his name Er.
4And she conceived again, and bare a son; and she called his name Onan.
5And she yet again conceived, and bare a son; and called his name Shelah: and he was at Chezib, when she bare him.
6And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar.
7And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him.
8And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.
9And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
10And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.
Also note, Deuteronomy 24:1
“When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favor in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.”
Comment: The above passage infers that having a wife does not mean that you’re married and being married to her is a separate and distinct thing.
And, Isaiah 54:1
“Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the LORD.”
Comment: Also in the above passage, the words “married wife” are used which infers that a woman being a wife does not necessarily means she’s married; otherwise these two words would not have been used together.
Now examine a few verses in the New Testament regarding the subject of being joined together then becoming “one flesh”.
Mat19: 5-6
"And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."
1 Cor: 6:15-16
"Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.
“What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.”
Also in the New Testament you’ll notice in 1Cor 7, the discussion of marriage as well as virgins; note the distinction made between wives and virgins paying particular attention to verses 34 thru 36.
1 Corinthians 7
25Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful.
26I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be.
27Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.
28But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.
29But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none;
30And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not;
31And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away.
32But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
33But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
34There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
35And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.
36But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry.
37Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well.
38So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.
Comment: One can only conclude, by a study and logical assessment of the pertinent scriptures as referenced above, that you're married, becoming “one flesh”, when you have a sexual relationship.
Such things as mentioned above are man-made traditions which have evolved over time and may in fact be what’s commonly done and accepted by society for a variety of reasons including satisfying society’s legal process, but although society, including the church and religious bodies in general, may tend to consider or discuss marriage from man's point of view based on such worldly, legalistic, and/or ceremonial perspectives, do these processes really constitute marriage or being/becoming married according to the scriptures? At what point are you considered married in the eyes of God since you won’t find any ceremony required or sanctioned by God in the bible? When do you become married from God’s perspective and what does the bible say and teach regarding this subject?
So, what does the word “marriage” mean? What does “marry” (verb) or “to marry” mean from which it’s derived? Aside from the commonly accepted use and understanding (by man) today of the word “marriage” in the human sense of joining 2 people together in marriage as noted above through some ceremonial or otherwise accepted legal process, the word also means (Webster), “combine”, or “unite”, “merge”, “blend”, and so on, such as when (in non-human terms) considering the joining together physically of, for instance, 2 pieces of metal by welding, fastening, soldering, etc., or 2 pieces of wood by gluing them together, or by the use of screws, nails, or a variety of other means, as well as all other previously separated objects that are joined together through some process by which they become physically one. But in all cases whether applying the word to people or inanimate objects or ‘things’, the end result is the physical joining together of the 2 previously separate pieces so they then become united as one! This is what happens when 2 people are joined together in “marriage”; they become one physically, but when does this really occur? Here’s what the bible (God’s word) says.
Gen 2:24
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Comment: Here in the second chapter of God’s word, there was no ceremony, no man-made traditions of any kind, yet God speaks of the man and his wife, and further that “they shall be one flesh”. So, at what point did they become “one flesh” would be the logical question to ask? The answer should be obvious: when they are joined together sexually!
So were Adam and Eve married? I’d say that they were at this point as further documented below. She was his wife, but they were not one flesh until they were joined together physically (“married”) by having sex.
Gen 4:1
“And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD.”
Comment: In this passage, Eve was considered Adam’s wife, after which he “knew” her, which is the common word and phraseology used in the bible to denote that sexual relations occurred. So Eve was his wife, without there being a ceremony, and without having yet engaged in sexual intercourse, which is at the point they became “one flesh” and were “married”, or joined together.
And later in Genesis 38, you find another instance that clearly defines the point at which people become “married”, also with no ceremony and without the man and woman in this case even being man-and-wife.
If this instance, the man was told to “go in unto” (which is another common phrase used in the scriptures meaning to have sexual intercourse with) his deceased brother’s wife and “marry” her so she could bare offspring through her brother-in-law on behalf of his deceased brother, which was the tradition at that time sanctioned by God, as a means of carrying-on and perpetuating the family. The key here is that this was considered “marrying” (the joining together physically of the two individuals).
Gen 38: 1-10
1And it came to pass at that time, that Judah went down from his brethren, and turned in to a certain Adullamite, whose name was Hirah.
2And Judah saw there a daughter of a certain Canaanite, whose name was Shuah; and he took her, and went in unto her.
3And she conceived, and bare a son; and he called his name Er.
4And she conceived again, and bare a son; and she called his name Onan.
5And she yet again conceived, and bare a son; and called his name Shelah: and he was at Chezib, when she bare him.
6And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar.
7And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him.
8And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.
9And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
10And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.
Also note, Deuteronomy 24:1
“When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favor in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.”
Comment: The above passage infers that having a wife does not mean that you’re married and being married to her is a separate and distinct thing.
And, Isaiah 54:1
“Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the LORD.”
Comment: Also in the above passage, the words “married wife” are used which infers that a woman being a wife does not necessarily means she’s married; otherwise these two words would not have been used together.
Now examine a few verses in the New Testament regarding the subject of being joined together then becoming “one flesh”.
Mat19: 5-6
"And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."
1 Cor: 6:15-16
"Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.
“What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.”
Also in the New Testament you’ll notice in 1Cor 7, the discussion of marriage as well as virgins; note the distinction made between wives and virgins paying particular attention to verses 34 thru 36.
1 Corinthians 7
25Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful.
26I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be.
27Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.
28But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.
29But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none;
30And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not;
31And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away.
32But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
33But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
34There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
35And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.
36But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry.
37Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well.
38So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.
Comment: One can only conclude, by a study and logical assessment of the pertinent scriptures as referenced above, that you're married, becoming “one flesh”, when you have a sexual relationship.
