- Nov 10, 2013
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God has been misquoted.(1 kings 12:10,11).
It is thought, and not by a few; that Goliath was a direct descendent of Samson. Samson as some may remember, after being seduced by Delilah, was "put to the grind". In the Hebrew this has a sexual connotation that has continued down through the ages to this very day, and crosses most if not all cultural and linguistic boundaries. He was put out to stud to build up the defenses of the Philistines.
So Samson was being led by his manhood as well as his lying eyes. Since neither he, nor the Philistines had any use for his eyes, they just gouged them out. Philistine women tend to be a bit on the homely side so they figured they would have better luck relying on his imagination with nothing to distract him, rather than having to utilize his imagination in the face of some fat pock-marked hairy hag.
So when David decides to go toe to toe with Goliath, he's got some holy revenge brewing in his brow that is taking aim at the brow of ol' Goliath. It's pay back time, but to really make those Philistines pay he's going to meet this giant on the field of battle with nothing but a sling and a few small stones. It seems silly at first until Goliath does a face plant in the hot desert sand after catching one with his forehead.
Then he becomes king, has a few hotheaded sons, who have hotheaded sons who eventually split the entire kingdom into northern and southern factions. The story is just getting good at this point because the northern tribes decide to sue for peace. They don't want to fight anymore so they approach the righteous king of Judah who seeks the advice of his elders.
They see the wisdom of this deal and think he should take it, but he then decides to ask his buddies, and they don't think this is a good idea at all. They're young, and when you got some time on your hands, there's nothing more fun than going out and slaughtering those who don't want to put up a fight. So they tell him to forget about that idea because his father was into righteous retribution, so he should be too. The young king considered their position and decided to go along with it, and for the first time ever let the reader beware, for I am going to tell you what no translator of the king's English would ever dare reveal; the truth of what this righteous king told the kings of northern Israel.
Before I do, one needs to be aware of a certain phenomenon within the pages of holy writ. The phenomenon is most notable in the original languages and it allows the pages to literally censor themselves. Many Aramaic and Hebrew words look remarkably similar and because one word looks like another, it is sometimes intentionally used to suggest the other. The other thing about some of these words is that they are sometimes quite vague, vague enough to have a number of meanings, whichever one seems best. In the case of the translators of "God's word" they felt that it would be best not to reveal that God cusses sometimes.
An observant Jew begins teaching Torah to their children at an early age. When the text informs us that "Adam knew his wife, and she conceived...etc.", the child is not ready to comprehend carnal knowledge so their father explains that when two people are united by God, they get to know each other well enough to obey God's command to "be fruitful and multiply". As a child matures, they eventually comprehend what this actually means.
When it comes to the response to the northern tribes, one needn't decipher what the Hebrew or Aramaic really says by delving into the Aramaic and formal Hebrew. No, one need only have watched a few episodes of Sesame Street to be alerted to this unusual translation. For most translations go something like this. "My finger is fatter than my father's thigh...etc." Finger?
Sesame Street has this segment where they divide the television screen into four quadrants each with an object and a song begins with these lines:
"One of these things is not like the others,
one of these things doesn't belong..."
or something to that effect. So the screen would have something like a baseball, a basketball, a tennis ball, and a shoe, and the viewer was tasked with figuring out which of the four wasn't like the other three quadrants. The next episode would have something like a baseball bat, a police baton, a bludgeon with a hook in it, and a cute adorable little white seal, or maybe it was a hypodermic needle with syringe, a junkie, a brick of black tar heroin, and a police officer. Law enforcement doesn't fit with the other three.
With this in mind, we read of a finger being fatter than a father's thigh, but wait, wouldn't a finger be fatter than his father's hand? Perhaps a toe fatter than his father's foot, but what would be fatter than a father's thigh? In this case, the most accurate translation would have ironically been the most vague; e.g. "digit". This allows one to insert the appropriate term into the text.
The appropriate term being dependant upon who is listening to the story. If it's your 5 year old son or daughter, you would use "finger". If it's your high school or college buddies, then a bunch of young tuffs posturing wouldn't be boasting about the girth of their finger, would they?
It is thought, and not by a few; that Goliath was a direct descendent of Samson. Samson as some may remember, after being seduced by Delilah, was "put to the grind". In the Hebrew this has a sexual connotation that has continued down through the ages to this very day, and crosses most if not all cultural and linguistic boundaries. He was put out to stud to build up the defenses of the Philistines.
So Samson was being led by his manhood as well as his lying eyes. Since neither he, nor the Philistines had any use for his eyes, they just gouged them out. Philistine women tend to be a bit on the homely side so they figured they would have better luck relying on his imagination with nothing to distract him, rather than having to utilize his imagination in the face of some fat pock-marked hairy hag.
So when David decides to go toe to toe with Goliath, he's got some holy revenge brewing in his brow that is taking aim at the brow of ol' Goliath. It's pay back time, but to really make those Philistines pay he's going to meet this giant on the field of battle with nothing but a sling and a few small stones. It seems silly at first until Goliath does a face plant in the hot desert sand after catching one with his forehead.
Then he becomes king, has a few hotheaded sons, who have hotheaded sons who eventually split the entire kingdom into northern and southern factions. The story is just getting good at this point because the northern tribes decide to sue for peace. They don't want to fight anymore so they approach the righteous king of Judah who seeks the advice of his elders.
They see the wisdom of this deal and think he should take it, but he then decides to ask his buddies, and they don't think this is a good idea at all. They're young, and when you got some time on your hands, there's nothing more fun than going out and slaughtering those who don't want to put up a fight. So they tell him to forget about that idea because his father was into righteous retribution, so he should be too. The young king considered their position and decided to go along with it, and for the first time ever let the reader beware, for I am going to tell you what no translator of the king's English would ever dare reveal; the truth of what this righteous king told the kings of northern Israel.
Before I do, one needs to be aware of a certain phenomenon within the pages of holy writ. The phenomenon is most notable in the original languages and it allows the pages to literally censor themselves. Many Aramaic and Hebrew words look remarkably similar and because one word looks like another, it is sometimes intentionally used to suggest the other. The other thing about some of these words is that they are sometimes quite vague, vague enough to have a number of meanings, whichever one seems best. In the case of the translators of "God's word" they felt that it would be best not to reveal that God cusses sometimes.
An observant Jew begins teaching Torah to their children at an early age. When the text informs us that "Adam knew his wife, and she conceived...etc.", the child is not ready to comprehend carnal knowledge so their father explains that when two people are united by God, they get to know each other well enough to obey God's command to "be fruitful and multiply". As a child matures, they eventually comprehend what this actually means.
When it comes to the response to the northern tribes, one needn't decipher what the Hebrew or Aramaic really says by delving into the Aramaic and formal Hebrew. No, one need only have watched a few episodes of Sesame Street to be alerted to this unusual translation. For most translations go something like this. "My finger is fatter than my father's thigh...etc." Finger?
Sesame Street has this segment where they divide the television screen into four quadrants each with an object and a song begins with these lines:
"One of these things is not like the others,
one of these things doesn't belong..."
or something to that effect. So the screen would have something like a baseball, a basketball, a tennis ball, and a shoe, and the viewer was tasked with figuring out which of the four wasn't like the other three quadrants. The next episode would have something like a baseball bat, a police baton, a bludgeon with a hook in it, and a cute adorable little white seal, or maybe it was a hypodermic needle with syringe, a junkie, a brick of black tar heroin, and a police officer. Law enforcement doesn't fit with the other three.
With this in mind, we read of a finger being fatter than a father's thigh, but wait, wouldn't a finger be fatter than his father's hand? Perhaps a toe fatter than his father's foot, but what would be fatter than a father's thigh? In this case, the most accurate translation would have ironically been the most vague; e.g. "digit". This allows one to insert the appropriate term into the text.
The appropriate term being dependant upon who is listening to the story. If it's your 5 year old son or daughter, you would use "finger". If it's your high school or college buddies, then a bunch of young tuffs posturing wouldn't be boasting about the girth of their finger, would they?
