Brother, I am praying for you. What I will pray will be that you will have confidence in HIM. That you can walk with your head high, and maybe in time even a small smile! And, that He WILL heal you of all and any disabilities that are holding you back from being assured, and bold in Him.
Also to give you the desire to put God first in your life, with abandon! God bless and strengthen our brother in all of his ways, bring him the joy that YOU speak of and not what the world offers. Take the desires that He has and turn them in the direction of you Father.
Give our brother an avenue Lord, that will satisfy this desire for you, and the ability to hear you, in his heart or whatever way so that you WILL let him find your Joy! Amen.