ROUND IN CIRCLES
- Thread starter Pearl
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Let me rephrase it: if Jesus was standing beside me and I asked Him, "Jesus, if what I'm about to do was Your job to do, how would you do it?"
Either you have a twisted sense of humor or you are being borderline obnoxious.
BTW Sanctification is not instant. Believe me when I say that this false doctrine has caused the unnecessary deaths of untold thousands of wounded people. But since many of them were dregs of society, who cares, right?
Either you have a twisted sense of humor or you are being borderline obnoxious.
BTW Sanctification is not instant. Believe me when I say that this false doctrine has caused the unnecessary deaths of untold thousands of wounded people. But since many of them were dregs of society, who cares, right?
lilygrace
Well-Known Member
Depends on who you don't mind reading or knowing stuff.
April_Rose
Well-Known Member
Even though there was a bit of truth to what @Hidden In Him was saying,.. I agree with @TLHKAJ,.. he shouldn't have been attacking another member in a public thread. I am glad that this matter appears to be resolved now, but it should have been resolved in a PM not humiliating Lily like this on a public forum. 
Oh, many apologies Pearl. I just went back and realised I had misread something and jumped to conclusions xx
Can I add something, after reading some of the responses. There are many sides to the whole equation of healing from the past. One side is about those who come alongside and the OP is simply being honest that it can be draining and have an effect. There is nothing insensitive about the OP. Pearl is simply asking how to deal with that draining effect, there is nothing wrong with that. I know I impacted those helping me and years later I apologised to the pastor because I saw the process in fresh light and understood the cycle I was in had an impact - I must have drove him nuts !!
Also I don’t see anything wrong with what Hidden in him has said, for me he is merely explaining how that side of things can be ..... ok so perhaps some of it should have been in a PM, but if we are to come together here we should be able to hear things from different prospectives. Lily, you are in the midst of dealing with things so therefore you will not hear what is being said without taking it to heart, I have been there myself.
Last night I didn’t agree with what Enoch said, thought it was just so cold hearted, but I thought it through and realised that there is a time and place for such a response, but if it’s the wrong time it can actually make a person go more in on themselves. If it’s the right time it can be a game changer x
What we are sharing here are prospectives, they are all valuable in understanding that the much bigger picture with coming alongside people. It’s messy sometimes and definitely not black and white. We are all impacted in the battle and that’s exactly what it is. .....
Rita
Also I don’t see anything wrong with what Hidden in him has said, for me he is merely explaining how that side of things can be ..... ok so perhaps some of it should have been in a PM, but if we are to come together here we should be able to hear things from different prospectives. Lily, you are in the midst of dealing with things so therefore you will not hear what is being said without taking it to heart, I have been there myself.
Last night I didn’t agree with what Enoch said, thought it was just so cold hearted, but I thought it through and realised that there is a time and place for such a response, but if it’s the wrong time it can actually make a person go more in on themselves. If it’s the right time it can be a game changer x
What we are sharing here are prospectives, they are all valuable in understanding that the much bigger picture with coming alongside people. It’s messy sometimes and definitely not black and white. We are all impacted in the battle and that’s exactly what it is. .....
Rita
I started this thread because I needed answers. And I have been given a new perspective on the situation. I now see that each and every person that befriends, loves, supports and prays for a person in need is part of a chain. God doesn't require more of us than we are able to give so he gives us a time of rest as the needy person moves on to the next friend who will continue to speak God's word into their lives. And the next and the next, until they come to a point where they can see a chink of light and begin to put the past away and move towards the light. It is God that causes the changes in a persons life not us, we just need to be there and do as he requires.
@Amazed@grace Yes, literally feeding him with food as he often came in the afternoon and stayed until meal times. I couldn't just prepare a family meal and throw him out so I fed him.
It is inspiring that even someone as strong in spirit as you is still learning and growing. <3 Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability, and willingness to learn
I totally agree. It takes discernment, especially when someone is in the midst of a battle, to know when to say something and how to say it. It can be more harmful then helpful if not in season. The goal should always be to help and build people up rather then tear them down.
Matthew 18 is always good when possible.
One time I had this dream where I was staring at this huge white wall with thousands of ladders dressed in clothes like people!!! Some were black and broken. They really stood out to me. I asked a teenager what she thought about the broken ladders, but she had headphones on her head and everything. She wasn't really paying attention. Hidden helped interpret this dream for me.
Sometimes there are going to be people we can't help on our own. We have to discern and choose who to put our energy into. Some precious people God has given to be able to handle those at the end of the rope and bring them to a better place. I was thinking about the teenager more too, and realize we have to be paying attention to see the red flags... There has been times I have been so drained of energy trying to help someone, and fallen back into things myself. When that happens, then I can't be much of a help or testimony to anyone. I have to guard my heart. Even when it comes to ministries and things like that. Ministry can drain big time if the right amount of intake of the Word is not getting in.
I do not think there are any helpless causes. I know I personally do not feel strong or equipped enough to help those at the end of their ropes, but I can help encourage and exhort every person and pray for every person. Each of us have to exercise wisdom and discernment in who to help more personally, and how much we can handle when helping others. As Christians though, we are all to do SOMETHING.
The best thing I can do for anyone, especially myself, is to put God first, to the best of my ability, and to be honest with myself about it.
My friend from church said this too...
As to being too drained to have something to offer, I can relate. God brought to mind the safety speeches flight attendants give. If the oxygen masks come down, put YOUR mask on before putting them on your children. The reasoning is that if you become overwhelmed, there's no one to get the kids off the plane once it's landed. You can't give what you ain't got, so make sure you fill up before offering yourself to others. I still struggle with this sometimes, but I am improving.
As to being too drained to have something to offer, I can relate. God brought to mind the safety speeches flight attendants give. If the oxygen masks come down, put YOUR mask on before putting them on your children. The reasoning is that if you become overwhelmed, there's no one to get the kids off the plane once it's landed. You can't give what you ain't got, so make sure you fill up before offering yourself to others. I still struggle with this sometimes, but I am improving.
Ronald David Bruno
Well-Known Member
People are weak in certain areas, some in the faith, some are stuck in a pit of desponcy, some have no self control at all and no discipline. They can't seem to help themselves get out of this rut so expect others to be there to lean on or take from.
We are told to come alongside the weak in faith and encourage them.
But advice needs to be put into action, they need to be responsible for their lives. If a person is not willing to do what is necessary, take baby steps forward by solving problems one at a time instead of avoiding them, make a plan, set goals and do the work, you can't help them. This is usually yhe case with people who dony ha e the Lord, but sometimes new believers are still struggling with dying to their old self and walking in the spirt, instead of in the flesh. You pray for them, with them and leave the rest to God.
I have a leach in my family that just expects every one to keep giving to her. She drained her husband for 15 years, taking and not loving, had four kids and decided to leave all of them to seek a millionare boyfriend, then when that didn't work, a million dollar Marijuana business. Having nothing to start with, she would con others to invest with promises of tripling their money in no time. Fools ventured into it and lost lots. We warned her way before she left her husband to stay with Him, love her kids and him to the bedt of her ability. Well that wasn't any fun.
Her older teenage doesn't want anything to do with her - he is tired of being drained and treated like her butler. Her own kids will be her judge in life. I always said If you can't be a responsible parent and love them, it really doesn't matter what else you do in life - you are a failure. But of course, even so, Jesus saves failures.
She tried to move in with us, she exclaimed, "Just for a couple weeks until I can find a place!" With terrible credit, numerous evictions after draining the blood out of all those who had mercy and gave her a chance, with no job or willingness to get one and work from the bottom up, I said NO! That would have taken my grace away. In others words, she is a disgrace! This is my sanctuary and allowing responsible selfish people to destroy it is not an option.
So, help in the beginning, yes, but you have to draw the line. God draws the line, He says if you don't work, you don't eat! We must be responsible for our lives.
There is another spiritual principle in the works here: What you sow is what you reap! People are living miserably because they created it themselves. They are reaping what they have sown. They are usually selfish, even narcistic. If you focus on yourself too much, you have no time to give to others and so you reap nothing in life.
There are two pieces of advice depending on the person in need.
1. A famous psychoanalyst was asked the question: "If you were so depressed, even to the point of commiting suicide, what would you do"?
He responded, "I would go out and find someine to help, after that, I would search for more and help more." Why would you do that? You take the focus off yourself, you stop being selfish, start loving others and you are healed in the process.
2. Memorize the Sermon on the Mount. By the time you have it accomplished, you'll have forgotten what you were depressed about.
Good advice Mayflower. That's really good.
I recall watching my pastor minister tirelessly to others. One day I thought, "Who ministers to the ministers?"
He was the first to teach me the concept of body ministry.
He told this story: "It's like we have a pond inside of us with a stream flowing in and a stream flowing out. If we don't let water flow in, the pond will dry up. If we don't let water flow out, no fresh water can flow in and the pond will become stagnant. So let water flow in and out."
In other words, we keep what we have by giving it away.
He was the first to teach me the concept of body ministry.
He told this story: "It's like we have a pond inside of us with a stream flowing in and a stream flowing out. If we don't let water flow in, the pond will dry up. If we don't let water flow out, no fresh water can flow in and the pond will become stagnant. So let water flow in and out."
In other words, we keep what we have by giving it away.
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