ROUND IN CIRCLES

[Mayflower]

I recall watching my pastor minister tirelessly to others. One day I thought, "Who ministers to the ministers?"
He was the first to teach me the concept of body ministry.
He told this story: "It's like we have a pond inside of us with a stream flowing in and a stream flowing out. If we don't let water flow in, the pond will dry up. If we don't let water flow out, no fresh water can flow in and the pond will become stagnant. So let water flow in and out."
In other words, we keep what we have by giving it away.

Love that analogy.

 

[Pearl]

But advice needs to be put into action, they need to be responsible for their lives. If a person is not willing to do what is necessary, take baby steps forward by solving problems one at a time instead of avoiding them, make a plan, set goals and do the work, you can't help them.

Exactly, people need to take some responsibility for themselves. Even baby steps move you forwards.

 

[lilygrace]

what hidden said was based on feelings not actual real truth. (we have all done it) i can ruin my whole day thinking someone hates me or is ignoring me but they really did it inadvertently. i dont judge him for it and understand why he felt that way. i am glad it is worked out. i really have nothing against anyone to be honest.

boundaries. my problem is i tend to want someone to read my mind and reach out when im struggling. thats not possible. i go out of my way to try not to be a bother or drain someone
for the longest time i thought my real problems were broken romances but they really werent. having romance in my life made my life seem so idyllic when something else was up.
most of the problems that tend to bother people in my experience our really on the surface.

 

[Truman]

Years of well-meaning, but failed attempts can be a road block. For me, true scripture-based recovery is a must.
Dealing with the carnal nature, curses, and evil spirits.
For those not prepared for the above, twelve-step groups like Celebrate Recovery are a good option.
Easy does it gets it done on time...every time!

 

[lilygrace]

well. i must say. on another forum i go to a thread i started was brought back up recently and i didnt post for awhile but then i responded today. since i am aware that someone might feel ignored from me. sometimes i dont know what to say lol.

 

[Truman]

I hate it when that happens! Lol

 

[Hidden In Him]

what hidden said was based on feelings not actual real truth. (we have all done it) i can ruin my whole day thinking someone hates me or is ignoring me but they really did it inadvertently. i dont judge him for it and understand why he felt that way. i am glad it is worked out. i really have nothing against anyone to be honest.

Wonderful words. I'm glad, too, and I apologize again if I hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to. There actually is someone out there right now who I have always cared for, but who now posts like they utterly despise me. So in a way you and I are actually in much the same boat really. I've had a bunch of feelings waging war inside me lately; whether to still hope, or just cut my losses; whether to keep being patient or say enough is enough...

So to make a long story short, you have someone here who understands.

my problem is i tend to want someone to read my mind and reach out when im struggling. thats not possible. i go out of my way to try not to be a bother or drain someone For the longest time i thought my real problems were broken romances but they really werent. having romance in my life made my life seem so idyllic when something else was up.

Again, sounds very familiar, LoL. People have been posting excellent quotes lately about burn out in ministry, and getting worn down to nothing. I am very capable of this, and most of the people you are working to help in Christian ministry are in this place where they can't really give much back, so you keep getting drained, especially emotionally. And I still think I am one of the most emotional men I have ever known. So that kind of work really takes it out of me, and in the midst of it I would think, "I need somebody that makes ME feel loved." The trouble is, it's a set up and a weakness. You place yourself in danger of some "hero" coming along who may not have your best interest at heart underneath it all, and the next thing you know you are compromising your own moral standards just for some companionship and someone to lean on. I think it's why there've been so many pastors who have ended up running off with their secretaries. Too much workload, too little emotional support.

So if I were you, skip the romance, LoL. Go for friends you can trust in the Lord to be there for you, and be a true help to you in the tough times, because the tough times will come as a Christian. So who you have around you can make the difference between happiness and success or sadness and compromise... at least for a time, anyway.

Thanks for forgiving me. I appreciate it.
Hidden

 

[Mayflower]

well. i must say. on another forum i go to a thread i started was brought back up recently and i didnt post for awhile but then i responded today. since i am aware that someone might feel ignored from me. sometimes i dont know what to say lol.

I wouldn't worry about trying to respond to every single person online, honestly. I try to make general posts to everyone and utilize the like button to let people know I do hear what they are saying. Sometimes I wish there was just a "I read this button" because I just can't "like" some things I disagree with, but some subjects are good to talk about even when people disagree. It is how we learn. Some subjects I am closed off too and don't read at all. Mainly, because I do not want it to drain me in my spiritual walk. Hard to discern that. Took FOREVER to stop reading political things and still do at times. Slap my wrist if you see me in one and start seeming down. LOL

 

[Truman]

Wonderful words. I'm glad, too, and I apologize again if I hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to. There actually is someone out there right now who I have always cared for, but who now posts like they utterly despise me. So in a way you and I are actually in much the same boat really. I've had a bunch of feelings waging war inside me lately; whether to still hope, or just cut my losses; whether to keep being patient or say enough is enough...

So to make a long story short, you have someone here who understands.


Again, sounds very familiar, LoL. People have been posting excellent quotes lately about burn out in ministry, and getting worn down to nothing. I am very capable of this, and most of the people you are working to help in Christian ministry are in this place where they can't really give much back, so you keep getting drained, especially emotionally. And I still think I am one of the most emotional men I have ever known. So that kind of work really takes it out of me, and in the midst of it I would think, "I need somebody that makes ME feel loved." The trouble is, it's a set up and a weakness. You place yourself in danger of some "hero" coming along who may not have your best interest at heart underneath it all, and the next thing you know you are compromising your own moral standards just for some companionship and someone to lean on. I think it's why there've been so many pastors who have ended up running off with their secretaries. Too much workload, too little emotional support.

So if I were you, skip the romance, LoL. Go for friends you can trust in the Lord to be there for you, and be a true help to you in the tough times, because the tough times will come as a Christian. So who you have around you can make the difference between happiness and success or sadness and compromise... at least for a time, anyway.

Thanks for forgiving me. I appreciate it.
Hidden

Bless you, brother.

 

[April_Rose]

I recall watching my pastor minister tirelessly to others. One day I thought, "Who ministers to the ministers?"
He was the first to teach me the concept of body ministry.
He told this story: "It's like we have a pond inside of us with a stream flowing in and a stream flowing out. If we don't let water flow in, the pond will dry up. If we don't let water flow out, no fresh water can flow in and the pond will become stagnant. So let water flow in and out."
In other words, we keep what we have by giving it away.

That reminds me of this song.

I hate it when that happens! Lol

I don't think that everything requires a response actually. Then there's always that thing to say when you don't know what to say and we all know what it is right? It's,....

 

[Truman]

That reminds me of this song.

I don't think that everything requires a response actually. Then there's always that thing to say when you don't know what to say and we all know what it is right? It's,....

Now these four can sing!

 

[Ronald Nolette]

What is the best way to deal with Christians who keep going from one person to another, going round in circles with their sad stories of sickness, addiction, sexual or physical abuse as well as other issues. I’ve known at least three or four people like this.

Lots of people in the church befriended them, listened to them, prayed for them and tried to help them only to discover that it all seemed to be a waste of time as the person concerned appeared to be stuck in the past and didn’t seem to want to take the advice given to them to help them move forward; just going round and round. It can be so draining.

What happens then is that they make a new friend and the process starts all over again. And they hear the same advice all over again but from different lips. Eventually they run out of ‘friends’ to share these troubles with and fall away from the fellowship only to start the same roundabout in a different church with different people.

We can give love and support; we can befriend and offer advice but some of the people who need to know how to put the past in the past and let go of it sadly won’t let go.

Has anybody else come across this problem and how did you deal with it?

Tell them ! Give them good sound godly advice, then if they wish to go from person to person- the bigger issue is their craving for attention

 

[marks]

What is the best way to deal with Christians who keep going from one person to another, going round in circles with their sad stories of sickness, addiction, sexual or physical abuse as well as other issues. I’ve known at least three or four people like this.

Lots of people in the church befriended them, listened to them, prayed for them and tried to help them only to discover that it all seemed to be a waste of time as the person concerned appeared to be stuck in the past and didn’t seem to want to take the advice given to them to help them move forward; just going round and round. It can be so draining.

What happens then is that they make a new friend and the process starts all over again. And they hear the same advice all over again but from different lips. Eventually they run out of ‘friends’ to share these troubles with and fall away from the fellowship only to start the same roundabout in a different church with different people.

We can give love and support; we can befriend and offer advice but some of the people who need to know how to put the past in the past and let go of it sadly won’t let go.

Has anybody else come across this problem and how did you deal with it?

I have. I just want to try to recognize it as early as I can, so I can act appropriately. Someone who is sincere and sincerely doesn't understand will have a much different countenance from someone who's heard it all before, and wants attention.

I guess I've learned to go slowly, prayerfully, maybe more slowly if someone seems to twitch those antenna.

Much love!

 

[Heart2Soul]

What is the best way to deal with Christians who keep going from one person to another, going round in circles with their sad stories of sickness, addiction, sexual or physical abuse as well as other issues. I’ve known at least three or four people like this.

Lots of people in the church befriended them, listened to them, prayed for them and tried to help them only to discover that it all seemed to be a waste of time as the person concerned appeared to be stuck in the past and didn’t seem to want to take the advice given to them to help them move forward; just going round and round. It can be so draining.

What happens then is that they make a new friend and the process starts all over again. And they hear the same advice all over again but from different lips. Eventually they run out of ‘friends’ to share these troubles with and fall away from the fellowship only to start the same roundabout in a different church with different people.

We can give love and support; we can befriend and offer advice but some of the people who need to know how to put the past in the past and let go of it sadly won’t let go.

Has anybody else come across this problem and how did you deal with it?

From my own experience of being one of those people I can say that the root of my problem was unforgiveness and a root of bitterness.
As time went on and the Truth of God's Word grew in me I began to heal and layerr by layer I was able to forgive those in my past who hurt me...the Holy Spirit would reveal to me any area in my life that was hidden and I would forgive them or even find myself needing to be forgiven for the pain I caused others.
During that time I began to recognize where unforgiveness was still in my heart by how it hurt to talk about it...so I would pray and ask God to fill me with His Love and help me see this person through His eyes and blind mine so I couldn't see the offense this person perpetrated against me...but rather to see them saved and healed of any unforgiveness as well.
Today, I can share my experiences with others as a testimony that brings God God Glory without any pain associated with it.
So when someone tells me the same woe is me, self pity party, sob story...I know what is the root of it....because if you have forgiven those people, and God has healed your brokenness then it doesn't hurt when you tell others about it.. your test just became your testimony bringing Glory to God and hope to others walking in those shoes.

 

[Pearl]

From my own experience of being one of those people I can say that the root of my problem was unforgiveness and a root of bitterness.

That is exactly what I have found H2S. When people have been hurt so bad it's very difficult to let go of the bitterness and anger and forgive the perpetrators of the actions that damaged them. They tell you 'I will never forgive' but that unforgiveness is doing them more harm than the person it is directed against. But if they go round long enough and hear enough people telling them the same thing there will eventually be a break through into the light.