You say you want to know God as a friend and not as a slave.He offers you more than that,He offers you a relationship,and yes that relationship can be misinterprited master slave.But realy take a look at it,What has God done for you?He gave you life,He gave you the ability to think,He gives you breath in your lungs,light by day as well as by night.God has served us all in many ways we cannot realize and all He asks is the same in return.He wants your love and mutual respect.None of us can ever be good enough to be His equal,but He is willing to provide a way for us to be His family even when we are not worthy.I dont think you have a mental problem,but I do believe you might be confused by the limits of this world.We all are.We all try to limit God by our perspective without truly considering His perspective.The world will tell you to believe theories as facts and they will force you to listen,but God asks you to believe and He wont force you to.You mentioned you have weird desires,join the crowd,we all do but many are unwiling to admit they do.God doesnt betray us but He does release us of our strongholds as He sees fit.Paul had a thorn in his side,some speculate it was his eyesight,some think is was an apostate in his midst,while others think of numerous strongholds it could have been,but the point God made to him was"My grace is sufficient for thee".Perhaps your hardships and strongholds are Gods way of drawing you nearer to Him.When these desires or hardships come on,pray,reach out to God for deliverance and believe He will provide a way out.Look at all the Apostles,Disciples and Prophets,they all suffered much more than any of us probably ever will,and they still had faith in Gods promise.Know this,when we are weak He is strong.We all have bouts with doubt,but you have already declared that you believe in God,start believing He is listening and acting in your life and remember Satan will attack you and keep you full of doubt if he thinks he is hurting God and you.Just reach out to God and show Him your love even when you dont feel loved in return.And when you dont feel loved in return,just look around at everything He has done for you and at all those who are worse off than you and you will see that He does love you as well as those worse off than you,but the world is the problem that gets in the way and tries to steal our blessings,and Satan is the one leading the ways of the world so he can cause harm to the elect and God.