My counselor once described it as spending a lifetime of going to wells that are empty expecting one day to find water ...water is not there. Only death.
but imo what your counselor failed to mention or even prolly realize is that you are not even here to be going to any wells, you are locked in a cage back at age 12 or whatever, you physically, literally cannot make a whip and chase whores away right now, from your temple. Hence all the questions that wadr make little or no sense and dont seem to be in the relevant context being discussed, which i hope i am not the first to mention? I mean its harmless, except to you, but you might see how it is just another way to go to empty wells looking for water?
but i dont mean to comment upon their intentions, ok, i'm sure they are very nice mithraists, and really all you maybe need to do is just keep asking potential counselors if they believe they might go up to heaven after they have died, and keep asking until you find one that laughs and says "hell no, of course not; I actually read the Bible."
Bc either your oppressors are still renting space in your head or they are not, right? You have so far sought the socially acceptable solution, and migt surely even say "they are not" here, but then ViJ, justifiably angry, who can show me this? Do you think it is a sin to be angry, like most believers? As an emotion, certainly, but understand that we use the term "angry" for other things, too? To mean something else, that is not evil? See how maybe you have done your community a dis-service by staying quiet to avoid a little social embarrassment, to get along in the world, yeh, so the perp/perps are so far loving life on your dime? Bc if everyone knew the truth you would be pitied, or seen as less than somehow? But hopefully you see that the world has changed now, and that would be even less true now than it was then, even though it was a sad, self-serving strategy then, yes?
Imo totally blow the lid off whatever it is, and let the chips fall. Yes, you will be hated by some; awesome, see, that is how God IDs those types, the ones you dont have to say a word in defense to. Yes, you will prolly split a cong in two too. But then at least you would not have to experience revenge, which who are we kidding, you dont have a vengeful bone in your body lol. But you dont have to be vengeful to make a whip and use it where its needed either, imo. Now in my case i went too far, and prolly still owe some ppl apologies, but at least i am now in a place to see that, and even made overtures in that direction. You are more likely to not go far enough imo, an equally terminal sin.
but its your life, ok, and i would prefer to support you in whatever you choose to do tbh.
your health is what is at stake here, and you might consider the toll on your immediate fam, too, who depend upon you, yes? Geez your hubby must be a saint lol, how did you avoid picking another oppressor?