Hey Jack, I've been
rightly dividing the Titanic and have come up with some amazing results I never knew existed in the story.
Turns out the iceberg was from a
different dispensation.
The Titanic that left Southampton was apparently under the
Pre-Iceberg Administration, while the Titanic that hit the iceberg had already entered the
North Atlantic Judgment Dispensation.
So technically, not the same Titanic in the same doctrinal sense.
Then once the ship started taking on water, that whole section became
parenthetical and no longer applied to the passengers who were still above deck.
The lifeboats? Different dispensation.
The poor people down below in steerage? Different audience.
The musicians playing while the ship sank? Transitional period.
Jack freezing in the water? Clearly
not applicable to Rose, because she had already entered the
Post-Floating Door Covenant
And once Rose was picked up by the
Carpathia, we entered an entirely new administration, so everything that happened on the Titanic could safely be reassigned to the previous dispensation.
I also discovered that the ship's name apparently changed halfway through.
Before the iceberg:
RMS Titanic
After the iceberg:
Mystery Titanic, formerly hidden from the passengers but later revealed to the lifeboats.
So after rightly dividing everything, the Titanic basically makes it to New York with only a minor hiccup.
The iceberg belonged to another dispensation.
The sinking was for another audience.
The deaths were parenthetical.
The broken hull was transitional.
The freezing water was not doctrinally binding on Rose.
And any scene that appears to contradict another scene can simply be moved into a different dispensation until the problem disappears.
Amazing.
I used to think the Titanic sank.
Turns out I just wasn't rightly dividing it.
Look what happened when I rightly divided
The Dukes of Hazzard. I was misled my entire life to believe Jesse Duke was a pig farmer, but now I know he was
the glorious, incorruptible, ever-righteous Sheriff of Hazzard County; the white-bearded scourge of gunrunners and moonshiners.
With his nephews serving as deputies and dispatch, racing across the county in the souped-up General Lee,
no criminal ever escaped the long arm of Jesse Duke’s divinely efficient rural justice.
Boss Hogg, Enos, and Rosco were actually the evil pig farmers, running guns into the United States with help from the IRA, while apparently growing the devil’s lettuce on the side. Fortunately,
the infallible Jesse Duke, patron saint of carbureted justice and terror of Hazzard County corruption, was watching them at all times.
