Hi there,
So who wants a pity story, right? The thing is, I am being betrayed on all sides, by bad choices, bad interpretation, bed expectation. I have schizophrenia, which in and of itself is neither good or bad, but interpretation makes it change. The bad choice, is for my physician to say "we are not able to reverse the schizophrenia, therefore we must assume it is ingrained", that's not the right way to respond to my schizophrenia!
The next problem is that I am like the poor in Proverbs, who his neighbour hates (from memory). Being on a pension - which I did not ask for, by the way - means that people make the bad interpretation that I am trying to cost them money or that I have opportunities that I must be being lazy about. I don't answer for any of these things! To me, anything that doesn't come from those that have made the decision to treat me are irrelevant. Why should I be singled out, again and again? I don't provoke them: I turn the other cheek.
The last betrayal, is that all this is expected to just vanish when I get a job. I am not believed to have a purpose, a calling, just job after job. If I want to do something about that, I am supposed to do that on my own time, with my own money. But this culture goes back to the first problem, of the misinterpretation of my schizophrenia! The fact that I am not imagined to be able to do anything about it - my life - is (at least thought to be) the reason my schizophrenia won't change. Can you see how circular that is? I can't if I can and I won't if I am. Actually my current psychiatrist is pretty good by relative standards, at least my current psychiatrist is willing to reduce the medication a little here and a little there. But its still so backwards!
Now, am I making this more complicated than it needs to be? That's really where I need prayer! I am trying not to live by people's expectations, misinterpretation or choices, I'm really trying not. I am trying to get a job, I am trying to practice patience, I am waiting for my psychiatrist to feel slightly more in favour of reducing my medication. There isn't failing in any of these areas, I am just struggling to see God, to trust God. The Lord knows how those who need treatment struggle! Imagine that you were praying for the Lord to overcome a mental condition He had, what would you pray?
I hope you see this as something, that is not disturbing, just challenging?
Thank you so much for reading this far!
PS. Also if you could pray that I survive the medication, it is making me really sluggish. Thanks.
So who wants a pity story, right? The thing is, I am being betrayed on all sides, by bad choices, bad interpretation, bed expectation. I have schizophrenia, which in and of itself is neither good or bad, but interpretation makes it change. The bad choice, is for my physician to say "we are not able to reverse the schizophrenia, therefore we must assume it is ingrained", that's not the right way to respond to my schizophrenia!
The next problem is that I am like the poor in Proverbs, who his neighbour hates (from memory). Being on a pension - which I did not ask for, by the way - means that people make the bad interpretation that I am trying to cost them money or that I have opportunities that I must be being lazy about. I don't answer for any of these things! To me, anything that doesn't come from those that have made the decision to treat me are irrelevant. Why should I be singled out, again and again? I don't provoke them: I turn the other cheek.
The last betrayal, is that all this is expected to just vanish when I get a job. I am not believed to have a purpose, a calling, just job after job. If I want to do something about that, I am supposed to do that on my own time, with my own money. But this culture goes back to the first problem, of the misinterpretation of my schizophrenia! The fact that I am not imagined to be able to do anything about it - my life - is (at least thought to be) the reason my schizophrenia won't change. Can you see how circular that is? I can't if I can and I won't if I am. Actually my current psychiatrist is pretty good by relative standards, at least my current psychiatrist is willing to reduce the medication a little here and a little there. But its still so backwards!
Now, am I making this more complicated than it needs to be? That's really where I need prayer! I am trying not to live by people's expectations, misinterpretation or choices, I'm really trying not. I am trying to get a job, I am trying to practice patience, I am waiting for my psychiatrist to feel slightly more in favour of reducing my medication. There isn't failing in any of these areas, I am just struggling to see God, to trust God. The Lord knows how those who need treatment struggle! Imagine that you were praying for the Lord to overcome a mental condition He had, what would you pray?
I hope you see this as something, that is not disturbing, just challenging?
Thank you so much for reading this far!
PS. Also if you could pray that I survive the medication, it is making me really sluggish. Thanks.