ROUND IN CIRCLES

[Truman]

God, break our hearts with the things that break Your heart.

 

[Rita]

God, break our hearts with the things that break Your heart.

Wow what an amazing prayer - that’s short but so profound !!! Thank you for adding it xx

 

[Truman]

 

[Enoch111]

What is the best way to deal with Christians who keep going from one person to another, going round in circles with their sad stories of sickness, addiction, sexual or physical abuse as well as other issues. I’ve known at least three or four people like this.

You could sit down with each one separately and let them know honestly and frankly that they have put themselves into a trap of their own making. They probably need to hear this, and no one has come right out and said so. Then give them simple step-by-step directions to get out of that trap, using Scripture as much as possible. But first of all they should tell you if they are 100% willing to do something about their situation.

 

[dev553344]

What is the best way to deal with Christians who keep going from one person to another, going round in circles with their sad stories of sickness, addiction, sexual or physical abuse as well as other issues. I’ve known at least three or four people like this.

Lots of people in the church befriended them, listened to them, prayed for them and tried to help them only to discover that it all seemed to be a waste of time as the person concerned appeared to be stuck in the past and didn’t seem to want to take the advice given to them to help them move forward; just going round and round. It can be so draining.

What happens then is that they make a new friend and the process starts all over again. And they hear the same advice all over again but from different lips. Eventually they run out of ‘friends’ to share these troubles with and fall away from the fellowship only to start the same roundabout in a different church with different people.

We can give love and support; we can befriend and offer advice but some of the people who need to know how to put the past in the past and let go of it sadly won’t let go.

Has anybody else come across this problem and how did you deal with it?

I thought at first look that this thread was about half the threads on this forum. They just go round and round till they reach into the thousands of pointless responses. But here are two verses that apply:

Luke 6:30

King James Version

30 Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.

Matthew 18:21-22

King James Version

21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

 

[Amazed@grace]

How to stop the cycle from coming to "your" attention?
In the church that gathers online? Choose to set those ones to your ignore list.
Then, thank God you have never yet walked in the shoes of those who need to release the pain still inside them, and often. Thinking an anonymous identity on a forum on the web is safer than an in person face to face support group.
And then, ask God's forgiveness for being insensitive, harsh, unkind and without compassion when posting an OP thread that is meant to send a message to anyone here who fits its criteria in a history of posts.

You see? OP's like this show us what is wrong in the church.
Calling for people to unite in their public opinions against any among us who dare to cry out again and again for compassion, understanding, and help, more often than is judged necessary by that one and their posting supporters .

What is this place?

Into those who may recognize themselves on the details of the OP, and are pained by those in league with its motives and intention, forgive them. For they do know what they're doing.

 

[Truman]

I don't think that insensitive people are necessarily "bad" people, just uninformed, perhaps unenlightened.
It's hard to see what's going on in one's own soul, let alone another's.

 

[Riverwalker]

What is the best way to deal with Christians who keep going from one person to another, going round in circles with their sad stories of sickness, addiction, sexual or physical abuse as well as other issues. I’ve known at least three or four people like this.

Lots of people in the church befriended them, listened to them, prayed for them and tried to help them only to discover that it all seemed to be a waste of time as the person concerned appeared to be stuck in the past and didn’t seem to want to take the advice given to them to help them move forward; just going round and round. It can be so draining.

What happens then is that they make a new friend and the process starts all over again. And they hear the same advice all over again but from different lips. Eventually they run out of ‘friends’ to share these troubles with and fall away from the fellowship only to start the same roundabout in a different church with different people.

We can give love and support; we can befriend and offer advice but some of the people who need to know how to put the past in the past and let go of it sadly won’t let go.

Has anybody else come across this problem and how did you deal with it?

Some people want to be victims, it is their Identity. I your compassion you try to help them out of their situation, but they keep circling back to their problems

The only thing you can do is stop enabling them, but let them know if they really want help (instead of pity and an excuse to fail) but you won't go there again.

If they was to overcome, instead of being overcome. they will reach out to you

 

[Truman]

Easy answer...

 

[dev553344]

Some people want to be victims, it is their Identity. I your compassion you try to help them out of their situation, but they keep circling back to their problems

The only thing you can do is stop enabling them, but let them know if they really want help (instead of pity and an excuse to fail) but you won't go there again.

If they was to overcome, instead of being overcome. they will reach out to you

I've experienced people that are depressed over the years and often they are very negative. I found the best way to deal with them is by injecting positive things into the communication and seeing how they respond. Solutions not problems. When we think of positive ways of dealing with our negative problems it can be uplifting and helpful.

 

[Pearl]

I would say that most do want freedom and healing. Scripture instructs us to weep with those who weep and mourn with those who mourn. Bear one another's burdens and in doing so, we fulfill the law of Christ. What is the law of Christ? In just one sentence, the law of Christ is love. Loving God and loving others is the fulfillment of the law. Christ fully entered into our suffering when He chose to drink the cup and go to the cross. We as His followers are called to do the same. If we are to reign with Him, we will suffer with Him. This involves denying self and going where He leads, including loving and ministering to the broken.

Beautiful.

 

[Truman]

 

[Pearl]

I am not sure it is as easy as saying it was ‘ his choice ‘ - sorry
Spiritual warfare at its deepest, I accepted the Lord, but the battle to believe his love for me is constant. I know why, there are some hurts that just go into your soul and the battle with them are ongoing. Thankfully I am in a much more secure place now spiritually.
I guess I feel such a sadness for that young man because I know what that struggle is like, poor guy to end up on the streets and die the way he did. Rita

He wasn't on the streets Rita, he had his own home, for many years he was part of the church but the church couldn't help him in the end.

 

[Enoch111]

Some people want to be victims, it is their Identity.

Yes but they do not have to be locked into that mode of thinking and acting. They need to know exactly what is going and and how to come out of that frame of mind. Of course, in the end they have to make up their minds. But perhaps no one has ever sat down with them and told them the truth.

 

[lilygrace]

People can choose not to be drained and set boundaries and help the person by being clear and encourage further counseling. People can choose to be drained as much as people might choose to be a victim

 

[lilygrace]

How to stop the cycle from coming to "your" attention?
In the church that gathers online? Choose to set those ones to your ignore list.
Then, thank God you have never yet walked in the shoes of those who need to release the pain still inside them, and often. Thinking an anonymous identity on a forum on the web is safer than an in person face to face support group.
And then, ask God's forgiveness for being insensitive, harsh, unkind and without compassion when posting an OP thread that is meant to send a message to anyone here who fits its criteria in a history of posts.

You see? OP's like this show us what is wrong in the church.
Calling for people to unite in their public opinions against any among us who dare to cry out again and again for compassion, understanding, and help, more often than is judged necessary by that one and their posting supporters .

What is this place?

Into those who may recognize themselves on the details of the OP, and are painedby those in league with it's motives and intention, forgive them. For they do know what they're doing.

I agree with this. It is insulting and ridiculous. I told so few especially offline. Online is at least anonymous as you want it to be. Actual survivor boards exist . But most people don't actually tell.

 

[DuckieLady]

What is the best way to deal with Christians who keep going from one person to another, going round in circles with their sad stories of sickness, addiction, sexual or physical abuse as well as other issues. I’ve known at least three or four people like this.

Lots of people in the church befriended them, listened to them, prayed for them and tried to help them only to discover that it all seemed to be a waste of time as the person concerned appeared to be stuck in the past and didn’t seem to want to take the advice given to them to help them move forward; just going round and round. It can be so draining.

What happens then is that they make a new friend and the process starts all over again. And they hear the same advice all over again but from different lips. Eventually they run out of ‘friends’ to share these troubles with and fall away from the fellowship only to start the same roundabout in a different church with different people.

We can give love and support; we can befriend and offer advice but some of the people who need to know how to put the past in the past and let go of it sadly won’t let go.

Has anybody else come across this problem and how did you deal with it?

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2

But I have a rule for myself. If a person does give me a feeling like they aren't actually interested in any change...

1) They might be oppressed.
2) They like it that way. They are addicted to their own misery, in a way.

If that spirit is tormenting them, I don't need it tormenting me too. So ask the Holy Spirit!

Sometimes the only way is through prayer and sometimes what they need is honesty.

"Well, I have said all I can say," is enough. It is mentally draining and irritating.

So let it go when it is time to let it go

 

[Truman]

The truth can make you miserable, and then it can set you free!

 

[Hidden In Him]

People can choose not to be drained and set boundaries and help the person by being clear and encourage further counseling. People can choose to be drained as much as people might choose to be a victim

Lilly grace, if you reached out to someone trying to help them with your whole heart, and instead of them receiving you as a friend they treated you like an enemy for doing so, wouldn't this be a little more than someone merely "draining" you? Wouldn't it actually kinda hurt that in return for your kindness someone gave unkindness in response, and made you wonder if there was any point in trying to help?

I posted you nothing but kind messages trying to encourage you in other treads. You never even posted so much as a response or a "like" to anything I said even though I was trying to reach out to you. Then the one time when someone posted something they assumed I directed towards them in an unkind way, that you immediately jumped on and said, "I would agree. That it's uncool to talk about someone as if they can't read it when they actually can.... I kind of sensed that was going on.."

It wasn't going on, as I explained very clearly, even exposing the identity of the person I was ACTUALLY talking about just to try and maybe clear my name. And did you even then consider sending me a kind word? And I posted on this thread having not the slightest thought that it was about you. Would you tell me again what a sinner and evil person I am when all I was trying to do is help?

Why am I supposed to be perpetually encouraging to you, while you meanwhile perpetually make me out to be someone who is unkind and inconsiderate? Why must I be the only one who is kind? Scripture talks about giving and receiving, and this is the heart of true Christianity. Why am I supposed to give love, and I am a sinner if I don't, but I should be happy with the fact that I receive back nothing in return? I don't understand. That doesn't sound like Christianity to me. It is supposed to be about giving and receiving, not taking and taking and never giving anything good back.

 

[lilygrace]

Lilly grace, if you reached out to someone trying to help them with your whole heart, and instead of them receiving you as a friend they treated you like an enemy for doing so, wouldn't this be a little more than someone merely "draining" you? Wouldn't it actually kinda hurt that in return for your kindness someone gave unkindness in response, and make you wonder if there was any point in trying to help?

I posted you nothing but kind messages trying to encourage you in other treads. You never even posted so much as a response or a "like" to anything I said even though I was trying to reach out to you. Then the one time when someone posted something they assumed I directed towards them in an unkind way, that you immediately jumped on and said, "I would agree. That it's uncool to talk about someone as if they can't read it when they actually can.... I kind of sensed that was going on.."

It wasn't going on, as I explained very clearly, even exposing the identity of the person I was ACTUALLY talking about just to try and maybe clear my name. And did you even then consider sending me a kind word? And I posted on this thread having not the slightest thought that it was about you. Would you tell me again what a sinner and evil person I am when all I was trying to do is help?

Why am I supposed to be perpetually encouraging to you, while you meanwhile perpetually make me out to be someone who is unkind and inconsiderate? Why must I be the only one who is kind? Scripture talks about giving and receiving, and this is the heart of true Christianity. Why am I supposed to give love, and I am a sinner if I don't, but I should be happy with the fact that I receive back nothing I return? I don't understand. That doesn't sound like Christianity to me. It is supposed to be about giving and receiving, not taking and taking and never giving anything good back.

Ok so apparently this post i made led to a response like rhis? This has nothing to do with you. I'm sorry you felt ignored. I did not mean to ignore you. You aren't on my ignore.
. There are people who i have given love to and don't return it to me. I have never been unkind to you i just didn't respond or like your posts. It's nothing personal