Jokes, fun and comedy

[Sabertooth]

Lol just because I like musicals doesn't mean that I watch award shows.

True, but you probably know that it won many Tony Awards among others.

 

[April_Rose]

True, but you probably know that it won many Tony Awards among others.

I'm guessing the Broadway musical probably did because the movie didn't do so well among critics even though I still enjoy it.

 

[April_Rose]

LOL this is comedic genius.

 

[Sabertooth]

Check Out These New April Fools Gags From Some Clever Companies Online

 

[Sabertooth]

Talking Dog For Sale​

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale.'

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep" the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says, "So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping, I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running... but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars" the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on Earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He's never been out of the yard."

 

[Sabertooth]

The Expert Tracker...?​

The expert tracker had his ear to the ground.
"A cart with two horses, one black, one brown.
It is being driven by a father with a young family of four, heading south..."

"Wow! You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground...!?"

"No. They just ran me over."

 

[Sabertooth]

Q: Why do farmers' fruits & vegetables outlast everyone else's...?

Spoiler: Because...

A: Because they can...!

 

[Brakelite]

A group of entrepreneurs decided to invest in an idea of sending a rocket to the sun. After word got out, and the extent of investment became known, a group of top scientists informed the investors that their
money would be wasted, because the rocket would melt long before it reached its destination. The investors however refused to back down, citing the original proposal that reassured everyone that the journey was only going to be undertaken at night.

 

[Josho]

No joke, as it did really happen, but it's a blooper for sure!

 

[Josho]

@Addy thought you might find this interesting

 

[Josho]

Anyone who has lived in Victoria will understand this.

@Cristo Rei @Backlit @marksman @Marc RL Ministry

 

[Cristo Rei]

Anyone who has lived in Victoria will understand this.

@Cristo Rei @Backlit @marksman @Marc RL Ministry

View attachment 16302

What thee... LoL...
Your such a conspiracy theorist... LoL

 

[marksman]

Anyone who has lived in Victoria will understand this.

@Cristo Rei @Backlit @marksman @Marc RL Ministry

View attachment 16302

I wonder if the drivers get paid in the shapes corresponding to the tram, train or bus they drive.

 

[marksman]

@Addy thought you might find this interesting


View attachment 16301

I suppose he has has got to do something to earn his $460,000 salary.

 

[Sabertooth]

Nervous first-time flyer

: So, how often do planes crash...?
Stewardess: Only once.

 

[Heart2Soul]

Nervous first-time flyer

: So, how often do planes crash...?
Stewardess: Only once.

Lol

 

[Sabertooth]

Hand-Me-Downs...?​

A valet worked for a rich Texan.
Whenever the boss had damage to his clothes --no matter how small-- he would hand them down to his servant.
One day, he came home with a small, but stubborn stain in his trousers.
Valet: I have tried everything, but I cannot get that stain out!
Tex: Have you tried baking soda?
Valet: Yes.
Tex: Have you tried ginger ale??
Valet: Yes.
Tex: Have you tried ammonia???
Valet: No, but I'm sure they'll fit...

 

[Sabertooth]

Two frogs were sitting on a log, feeding on passing insects.
One remarked to the other,

"Time's sure fun when your having flies!"

 

[Angelina]

My music leader told me to stop being immature so I told her to get out of my fort.

My dog started to chase people riding on a bike. It got so bad, I had to evenually take it away from him.

I told my girl friend that she drew her eyebrows too high...she seemed surprised!

And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life". John came fifth and won a toaster.

Just remember - you are never really completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.

 

[marksman]

God told Adam to go across a valley.

"What's a valley?" asked Adam. God explained it to him.

"At the other side of the valley is a stream. Cross that."

"What's a stream?" asked Adam. God explained it to him.

"On the other side of the stream is a cave. I want to you go into it."

"What's a cave?" asked Adam. God explained it to him.

"In the cave will be Eve. I want you to procreate."

What does it mean to procreate?" God explained it to him.

Off Adam trots and God thought "That will keep him busy for a while."

However, he was back sooner than expected.

"What happened?"God asks him.

"I have no idea" replied Adam. "As a matter of interest, what is a headache?"