All Things Relative

[Christina]

All things are relative! A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed wasnicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, proppedup prominently on the pillow addressed 'Dad.' With the worst premonition,he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.'Dear, Dad.It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing to you. I had to elopewith my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.I've been finding real love with Stacy and she is so nice, but I knewyou would not approve of her because of all her body piercings, tattoos,her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many children.Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurtanyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the otherpeople in the commune for any of our other needs.Don't worry Dad -- I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday,I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.Love, your son, Joshua.P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I justwanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the schoolreport that's on the kitchen table.'

 

[Red_Letters88]

Haha, that one got me good

why didnt I think of these things back in my school days

 

[Christina]

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2029 !Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions inthe seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia,formerly known as California !Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can nowbe imported legally, but President Chelsea Clintonhas banned all smoking.George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise arethe keys to weight loss.Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure forthird consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.Abortion clinics now available in everyHigh School in United States !Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even thoughgas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stationsare only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.Supreme Court rules punishment of criminalsviolates their civil rights.Average height of NBA players is now nine feet,seven inches.New federal law requires that all nail clippers,screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-upnewspapers must be registered by January 2030.IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.. ~~~~~**~>((@¿@))