Christian jokes

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Josho

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Now lets see what Christian jokes ya can find or how creative you can be, i got half of this one of an article of facebook, which has descriptions of different models of Jesus made, coaching in different sports hahaha, on the 1st one he was teaching baseball, but since I'm in Australia cricket is the main bat sport here, not baseball, i decided to use cricket, "in the beg inning."

"In the beg inning, God scored a 6 and rested on the 7th."
 
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Helen

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hmmm I must think of one to add here...my hubby is full of them...some are a laugh..but many of his are a groan. :D

I will be back tomorrow on this one...
 

Helen

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Not sure what a "Christian Joke" is....but hope this one is on topic :)

A Yorkshire man and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant.

"Did you smell that food" she asked. "It smells amazing."


So being the kindhearted Yorkshireman he was, he thought "What the heck, I'll really treat her."


........So they walked past it again.
 

FHII

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I got two:

1. A minister decided to play golf hookey on Sunday. He called the associate pastor and said he was sick... Got it all lined up and then hit the links right when the service started.

He shot 3 under par... His best effort before hand was +10. He even sank a 40 foot putt uphill, put another one in the hole from the sand trap and yes... Hit a hole in one on a par 3! (All amazing things that rarely happen, for those of you who don't know golf).

So God is watching the game from heaven with Gabriel. Gabriel comments: "The guy skipped Church and you let him have a round like that?!?"

God chuckled, and said, "who's he going to brag to?"

2. I'll shorten this one. Rich man dies and goes to heaven. He asks to bring one suitcase with him. He's allowed and fills it with gold bars. $500,000 worth...

He comes to Jesus with his suitcase. Jesus told him he didn't need more pavement.... The streets are just fine as they are.
 

Richard_oti

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A Pastor finishes up a truly rousing sermon with: "Alright, whoever wants to go to heaven, raise your hands".

An ol' cowpoke lounging in the rear calls out: "Pastor, that was too easy, how do ya know if'n these folk are truly sincere or not?"

The Pastor not even a little taken back replies: "Alright ol' timer, if you think you can put these good people to the test, go right ahead."

At that, the ol' cow poke pulls his twin six shooters and says: "Now, anyone who wants to go to heaven, raise your hands."
 

Josho

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Now let's see what I can come up with. There might be a few *facepalms* here.

Why did the Pope walk along the train tracks?
So he could keep on track..

Why do they call it Holy laughter?
Because they laugh a whole lot.

Hey doctor, doctor what is that speck on your foot?
Doctor looks down and sees a baby mole resting on his foot.
 

tsr

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m.gif
ildred, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose in the other members' private lives. Church members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny; he said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... and left it there all night!
 
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Brakelite

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CREATION
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
And God saw it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God, again saw it was good.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed it was good.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back,
the ten the monkey gave back,
and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.
For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.
For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.
And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.
I'm doing it as a public service.
If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch...
 

tsr

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A man dies and mets St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. Peter says to the man, "Here's how it works. You need to have one hundred points to get into heaven. You tell me about all the good things you've done. They are all worth a certain number of points. If your total is one hundred or more, you can come in."

"Well," says the man. "I was happily married to the same woman for 52 years. I never looked at another woman. I was attentive and loved her dearly."

"That's great," says St. Peter. "That'll be two points."

"Hmmm," says the man. "This is going to be harder than I thought. Well, I attended church regularly, volunteered my time and tithed faithfully."

"Wonderful," says St. Peter, "That's worth another point."

"One point!" says the man. "Okay, okay. I was involved with a prison ministry for twenty-five years. I went into the prison, at least monthly, and shared Jesus with them."

"Wow!" says St. Peter. "That's another two points!"

"Only two points!" says the man. "At this rate, it'll be only by the grace of God that'll I'll ever get into this place."

"Bingo!" says St. Peter. "That's one hundred points! Come on in