Clean Jokes Thread

  • Welcome to Christian Forums, a Christian Forum that recognizes that all Christians are a work in progress.

    You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

Debp

Mod - Encounter Team
Staff member
Encounter Team
Jul 5, 2020
14,398
17,205
113
California
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
Gender
Female
"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?" Replied the customer sadly, "No, before she left my wife told me to water the geraniums."


I have a "Dry Clean Only" sweater that is about to learn some harsh truths about living with me.


Taking my dog named 'shark' to the beach yesterday was probably not the best idea.
 

Debp

Mod - Encounter Team
Staff member
Encounter Team
Jul 5, 2020
14,398
17,205
113
California
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
Gender
Female
Just sold my homing pigeon on Ebay for the 15th time.


Wife: Do I look fat?
Husband: Do I look stupid?
 
  • Like
Reactions: Mancunian

Mancunian

Active Member
Aug 17, 2026
443
151
43
Cheshire
Faith
Atheist
Country
United Kingdom
Gender
Male
A granddaughter visited her grandfather in hospital regularly.
Every time she visited there was a bowl of peanuts at his bedside. When the grandfather went to sleep she would eat the entire bowl, they were the best peanuts that she'd ever tasted.
One day she asked her grandfather why he didn't ever eat the peanuts....To which he replied " I only like to suck the chocolate off them".
 
  • Haha
Reactions: Debp

Mancunian

Active Member
Aug 17, 2026
443
151
43
Cheshire
Faith
Atheist
Country
United Kingdom
Gender
Male
My friend lost the use of the left side of his body.
He's alright now.

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To visit his flatmate.

An American Indian walks into a restaurant, the waitress asks "have you got a reservation?"

Jack was a pilot, for some reason he didn't like people saying hi to him.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Debp

Mancunian

Active Member
Aug 17, 2026
443
151
43
Cheshire
Faith
Atheist
Country
United Kingdom
Gender
Male
My favourite book is called 'Falling off a cliff' by Eileen Dover.

What do you call a woman who's standing in the middle of a tennis court?
Annette.
 

Matthias

Well-Known Member
May 3, 2022
36,136
25,811
113
Kentucky
Faith
Other Faith
Country
United States
Gender
Male
“A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people. At his trial, he’s found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before his execution, he’s offered a last meal and asks for a single banana. They give it to him.

The next morning, he’s strapped into the electric chair. The executioner pulls the switch … nothing happens. There’s never been a failure like this before, but because the law prohibits punishing someone twice for the same crime, the court is forced to release him.

Within a week, the train-obsessed man steals another train, crashes it, and kills several more people.

Once again, he’s sentenced to death. Once again, he asks for a single banana for his final meal. And once again, the electric chair fails. The court releases the man.

The same thing happens a third time. By now though, the prison officials are convinced they’ve figured out the trick.

When he asks for a banana before his execution, the prison warden snaps: “Oh, no you don’t! We know all about your little banana trick. You’re not getting one this time!“ Instead they give him steak, potatoes, and apple cobbler.

The next morning, they strap him into the electric chair and pull the switch … nothing happens. The warden stares at the executioner in disbelief.

“Did you give him the banana?”

”No, sir! We didn’t give him a banana.”

Turns out the banana had nothing to do with it. The man was just a really bad conductor.

1790855202856.jpeg