Everyone Goes to Heaven
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Today, Dec 5th 2023 was the first time I ever donated blood as I was inspired by a story written by my friend that I’ve been helping edit that features a phlebotomist. So, I ran to Canadian Blood Works located on 777 William Ave, Winnipeg MB R3E 3R4, Canada.
I had to be quick because I did not tell my mother because I am afraid of her and don’t want to cause an unnecessary conflict. This was a rare opportunity for me to be able to leave the house on my own because there was another thing which I told my mom I was going to do which I did.
Therefore, because of that fear, I ran back. There is a danger when doing this after you just lost around 1.9 cups of blood, however, I was more afraid of my mother getting upset at me for being outside the house for too long. The Google Maps app I had just installed today had the pointer going around and it was tricky navigating with it. So, I just ran in a random direction hoping I would get to a bus stop I was familiar with.
Eventually, my phone died, even though I had a power charger connected to it. I kept clicking the button on the power charger to give it extra battery life but it wouldn’t work. My phone no longer had power.
I got tired from running and I could feel more saliva dripping down my chin from my mouth. Sso I began walking next to the chained link fence, which was to me right, and then I walked to the end and it was in front of me and I got annoyed, so I walked again and saw there was another closed off corner, so I was more frustrated and then walking backwards, I was behind what looked like some shed, so I tried using that, which was close to the chain link fence, to help propel me upwards over it. However, suddenly I felt like my left leg gastrocnemius muscle cramped with intense pain and I could not move my left leg in the cold.
So, I prayed to Our Father in Heaven, then I could suddenly move my left leg again and then the pain disappeared entirely.
Luckily, as I walked forward, I came upon a street I recognized, with a bus stop with a bus I was familiar with, with a bus that came shortly after I arrived. And then in the bus, I turned on my phone, which did not have any power, and it suddenly had 44% power. So, with this new power, I sent a screenshot in the Christian Universalists Discord server from my IPhone with my message of “I’m shocked, this is incredible” at 8:16 PM. The picture I posted read from the top, left to right, “Searching… 8:16 PM 44%”. But where did this energy come from, when my phone could not even turn on?
Then I checked my texts and there was a message on the phone that said “Always pray and be a good man always”.
```1 Thessalonians 5:17 NRSVue pray without ceasing, ```
Interesting timing. Ha ha ha, I figured God wouldn’t let me die that easily. As well, I don’t think God would give up so easily on anyone who dies and who did not believe. Surely, will not everyone believe in Christ in their own turn? That is Christian Universalism after all.
I had to be quick because I did not tell my mother because I am afraid of her and don’t want to cause an unnecessary conflict. This was a rare opportunity for me to be able to leave the house on my own because there was another thing which I told my mom I was going to do which I did.
Therefore, because of that fear, I ran back. There is a danger when doing this after you just lost around 1.9 cups of blood, however, I was more afraid of my mother getting upset at me for being outside the house for too long. The Google Maps app I had just installed today had the pointer going around and it was tricky navigating with it. So, I just ran in a random direction hoping I would get to a bus stop I was familiar with.
Eventually, my phone died, even though I had a power charger connected to it. I kept clicking the button on the power charger to give it extra battery life but it wouldn’t work. My phone no longer had power.
I got tired from running and I could feel more saliva dripping down my chin from my mouth. Sso I began walking next to the chained link fence, which was to me right, and then I walked to the end and it was in front of me and I got annoyed, so I walked again and saw there was another closed off corner, so I was more frustrated and then walking backwards, I was behind what looked like some shed, so I tried using that, which was close to the chain link fence, to help propel me upwards over it. However, suddenly I felt like my left leg gastrocnemius muscle cramped with intense pain and I could not move my left leg in the cold.
So, I prayed to Our Father in Heaven, then I could suddenly move my left leg again and then the pain disappeared entirely.
Luckily, as I walked forward, I came upon a street I recognized, with a bus stop with a bus I was familiar with, with a bus that came shortly after I arrived. And then in the bus, I turned on my phone, which did not have any power, and it suddenly had 44% power. So, with this new power, I sent a screenshot in the Christian Universalists Discord server from my IPhone with my message of “I’m shocked, this is incredible” at 8:16 PM. The picture I posted read from the top, left to right, “Searching… 8:16 PM 44%”. But where did this energy come from, when my phone could not even turn on?
Then I checked my texts and there was a message on the phone that said “Always pray and be a good man always”.
```1 Thessalonians 5:17 NRSVue pray without ceasing, ```
Interesting timing. Ha ha ha, I figured God wouldn’t let me die that easily. As well, I don’t think God would give up so easily on anyone who dies and who did not believe. Surely, will not everyone believe in Christ in their own turn? That is Christian Universalism after all.
Dec 6 2023 around 8:07 PM I was with my sister downstairs and my mother came down and started harassing my sister again, describing how my sister will not do well. So, I asked my mother if she was betting against my sister’s success, and our mother said that she was betting against her success. And we were surprised by how blunt and direct our mother was. Backstory for this is from a few days ago…
“You’re making up stories! You’re making up stories! Put your respect, where’s your respect?” my mother says, even though I describe in detail physically true aspects and have been quoting her exact words honestly in these daily quotes. It is 1:58 PM Dec 4 2023 the time I type this.
My mother asks me what I would do with minimum wage, asking if the apartment I get would be one with many crime scenes around. My mother tells me that in a week, things will be gone, saying “Everything will be gone in your apartment”.
```Psalm 34:18 NRSVue The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. ```
So, I tell my mother of how I told my sister at Burger King of the bet that she tried making with me, about how my sister’s relationship with someone would not succeed. She says that I hold onto grudges and that these are stories from long ago, but I type these events as they happen day-by-day. I gladly forgive my mother, so if she wants me to stop typing about her, she has to stop hurting my sister and I. And I think the hurt for everyone will eventually stop, that all will have faith alone in Christ and gain permanent life, that’s my own personal belief type that I hold for Christian Universalism.
“You’re making up stories! You’re making up stories! Put your respect, where’s your respect?” my mother says, even though I describe in detail physically true aspects and have been quoting her exact words honestly in these daily quotes. It is 1:58 PM Dec 4 2023 the time I type this.
My mother asks me what I would do with minimum wage, asking if the apartment I get would be one with many crime scenes around. My mother tells me that in a week, things will be gone, saying “Everything will be gone in your apartment”.
```Psalm 34:18 NRSVue The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. ```
So, I tell my mother of how I told my sister at Burger King of the bet that she tried making with me, about how my sister’s relationship with someone would not succeed. She says that I hold onto grudges and that these are stories from long ago, but I type these events as they happen day-by-day. I gladly forgive my mother, so if she wants me to stop typing about her, she has to stop hurting my sister and I. And I think the hurt for everyone will eventually stop, that all will have faith alone in Christ and gain permanent life, that’s my own personal belief type that I hold for Christian Universalism.
When you say "everyone goes to heaven" are you saying the spirit in every man returns to God in heaven who gave it?
Ecclesiastes 12:7 (KJV) Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it.
Since it is the spirit of everyone that goes to heaven at physical death, does that mean that everyone shall be eternally saved?
There was an Infernalist that I was messaging online yesterday, today being Dec 8th 2023, and they showed this verse:
``` Matthew 10:28 28 Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather, fear the one who can destroy both soul and body in hell ```
Matthew 10:28 - Fear God Alone
Ironically, I think it’s more of an argument towards Christian Annilhationism than Christian Infernalism.
From a Christian Universalism perspective, that all shall believe in Christ and all shall be saved, “hell” hell refers to Gehenna aka γεέννῃ (geennē) Strong's 1067.
Obviously, there’s no fear in agape love 1 John 4:18 and God is agape love 1 John 4:16, so it’s better translated as “revere” God. So whatever God is destroying in Gehenna is something we should see as “respectable”.
An annihlationist may argue that God has respect towards a person by permanently destroying them rather than tormenting them forever, but the thing is, God is the one who created Gehenna, so ultimately it should do what God wants it to do. Since God’s goodness is perfectly good, so it must also act in an optimally good way. Now, say a person is permanently destroyed.
Think of the suffering they experienced in life, all the evil they have seen under the sun Ecclesiastes 10:5-7.
God knew that they were going to permanently destroyed, so why make them go through all that suffering anyways? It would have been better if God had never had created them at all Ecclesiastes 4:2-3.
Therefore, because of God’s agape love for the whole world, everyone that has been created is someone that God wanted to be created. So there exists that goodness, from God, that is there inside each and every one of us. But wait! God’s goodness is perfectly good, right? Would God destroy good. Does it not make more sense that, God destroys the evil parts of a person’s body and soul in Gehenna, rather than permanently destroying them?
Now that is someone truly worth showing reverence towards.
``` Matthew 10:28 28 Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather, fear the one who can destroy both soul and body in hell ```
Matthew 10:28 - Fear God Alone
Ironically, I think it’s more of an argument towards Christian Annilhationism than Christian Infernalism.
From a Christian Universalism perspective, that all shall believe in Christ and all shall be saved, “hell” hell refers to Gehenna aka γεέννῃ (geennē) Strong's 1067.
Obviously, there’s no fear in agape love 1 John 4:18 and God is agape love 1 John 4:16, so it’s better translated as “revere” God. So whatever God is destroying in Gehenna is something we should see as “respectable”.
An annihlationist may argue that God has respect towards a person by permanently destroying them rather than tormenting them forever, but the thing is, God is the one who created Gehenna, so ultimately it should do what God wants it to do. Since God’s goodness is perfectly good, so it must also act in an optimally good way. Now, say a person is permanently destroyed.
Think of the suffering they experienced in life, all the evil they have seen under the sun Ecclesiastes 10:5-7.
God knew that they were going to permanently destroyed, so why make them go through all that suffering anyways? It would have been better if God had never had created them at all Ecclesiastes 4:2-3.
Therefore, because of God’s agape love for the whole world, everyone that has been created is someone that God wanted to be created. So there exists that goodness, from God, that is there inside each and every one of us. But wait! God’s goodness is perfectly good, right? Would God destroy good. Does it not make more sense that, God destroys the evil parts of a person’s body and soul in Gehenna, rather than permanently destroying them?
Now that is someone truly worth showing reverence towards.
That's a good point in favour of Christian Universalism. But yes, I do think everyone shall be eternally saved. I think each of us has an aspect of goodness, as we are all made in the image of God Genesis 1:27, so I think it only makes sense that God wants to reconcile with every image of Himself that He Himself made.
There was an Infernalist that I was messaging online yesterday, today being Dec 8th 2023, and they showed this verse:
``` Matthew 10:28 28 Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather, fear the one who can destroy both soul and body in hell ```
Matthew 10:28 - Fear God Alone
Ironically, I think it’s more of an argument towards Christian Annilhationism than Christian Infernalism.
From a Christian Universalism perspective, that all shall believe in Christ and all shall be saved, “hell” hell refers to Gehenna aka γεέννῃ (geennē) Strong's 1067.
Obviously, there’s no fear in agape love 1 John 4:18 and God is agape love 1 John 4:16, so it’s better translated as “revere” God. So whatever God is destroying in Gehenna is something we should see as “respectable”.
An annihlationist may argue that God has respect towards a person by permanently destroying them rather than tormenting them forever, but the thing is, God is the one who created Gehenna, so ultimately it should do what God wants it to do. Since God’s goodness is perfectly good, so it must also act in an optimally good way. Now, say a person is permanently destroyed.
Think of the suffering they experienced in life, all the evil they have seen under the sun Ecclesiastes 10:5-7.
God knew that they were going to permanently destroyed, so why make them go through all that suffering anyways? It would have been better if God had never had created them at all Ecclesiastes 4:2-3.
Therefore, because of God’s agape love for the whole world, everyone that has been created is someone that God wanted to be created. So there exists that goodness, from God, that is there inside each and every one of us. But wait! God’s goodness is perfectly good, right? Would God destroy good. Does it not make more sense that, God destroys the evil parts of a person’s body and soul in Gehenna, rather than permanently destroying them?
Now that is someone truly worth showing reverence towards.
``` Matthew 10:28 28 Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather, fear the one who can destroy both soul and body in hell ```
Matthew 10:28 - Fear God Alone
Ironically, I think it’s more of an argument towards Christian Annilhationism than Christian Infernalism.
From a Christian Universalism perspective, that all shall believe in Christ and all shall be saved, “hell” hell refers to Gehenna aka γεέννῃ (geennē) Strong's 1067.
Obviously, there’s no fear in agape love 1 John 4:18 and God is agape love 1 John 4:16, so it’s better translated as “revere” God. So whatever God is destroying in Gehenna is something we should see as “respectable”.
An annihlationist may argue that God has respect towards a person by permanently destroying them rather than tormenting them forever, but the thing is, God is the one who created Gehenna, so ultimately it should do what God wants it to do. Since God’s goodness is perfectly good, so it must also act in an optimally good way. Now, say a person is permanently destroyed.
Think of the suffering they experienced in life, all the evil they have seen under the sun Ecclesiastes 10:5-7.
God knew that they were going to permanently destroyed, so why make them go through all that suffering anyways? It would have been better if God had never had created them at all Ecclesiastes 4:2-3.
Therefore, because of God’s agape love for the whole world, everyone that has been created is someone that God wanted to be created. So there exists that goodness, from God, that is there inside each and every one of us. But wait! God’s goodness is perfectly good, right? Would God destroy good. Does it not make more sense that, God destroys the evil parts of a person’s body and soul in Gehenna, rather than permanently destroying them?
Now that is someone truly worth showing reverence towards.
Aren't you forgetting the purpose for human lineages? Human lineages contain both those who shall be saved as well as the reprobate. If the wicked are destroyed before those coming from the same line who shall be saved, the Kingdom of God will not be complete. The lake of fire is called the second death. What does that tell you?
If everybody shall be saved there would be no purpose for the lake of fire that is the second death. Why would some need to die twice if all shall be saved?
Look up the definition of "breath of life." You'll discover our breath of life is the spirit in mankind.
God formed man from the dust of the earth, and breathed into him the breath of life and man became a living soul. That equals body + spirit = living soul. The breath is our intellect, inspiration, soul & spirit, which gave life to the body God formed from dust.
Around 1 PM Dec 9th I was shoveling snow. Typical here in “Winnipeg” (aka Winterpeg). And it made me wonder of how the word “snow” appears in the Bible.
שָׁ֫לֶג (sheleg) for snow is used in
```Isaiah 1:18 NRSVue
Come now, let us argue it out,
says the Lord:
If your sins are like scarlet,
will they become like snow?
If they are red like crimson,
will they become like wool? ```
As per Christian Universalism, all shall believe in Christ, who’s blood washes away all our sins. The wool it seems being a reference to like the wool of the Lamb of God John 1:29. Since who’s sins does He want to become like snow? Everyone’s sins!
שָׁ֫לֶג (sheleg) for snow is used in
```Isaiah 1:18 NRSVue
Come now, let us argue it out,
says the Lord:
If your sins are like scarlet,
will they become like snow?
If they are red like crimson,
will they become like wool? ```
As per Christian Universalism, all shall believe in Christ, who’s blood washes away all our sins. The wool it seems being a reference to like the wool of the Lamb of God John 1:29. Since who’s sins does He want to become like snow? Everyone’s sins!
I could hear my [Christian Infernannihlationist] mother shouting so loud at my [Christian Universalist] sister at 9:29 AM before we were going to church that I could hear her from the basement from the washroom from the toilet I'm sitting on right now.
[Many things can be heard. So will not all hear of the good news, that Christ shall save all. Will not all people believe in the Gospel?
```Proverbs 25:25 NRSVue Like cold water to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country. ```]
Sister: It's odd. Am I not allowed to say odd?
Mama: You're disrespectful! You don’t deserve anyone who's good! You're being disrespectful I noticed that from you. I'm just telling you there's something wrong! You're being disrespectful now! ... Disrespectful! ... Disrespectful! ... I'm not fighting! Well, if you're disrespectful God will take that away from you!
Sister: That's not disrespectful!
Mama: That is disrespectful. I told you not to wear it! I don't care! You know what... No because I said I don't want you to wear it because it's winter!
Yes, because my sister does not want to wear some random winter clothes that my mother wants her to wear, but is instead wearing some other winter clothes again, my mother has been harassing her.
Mama: Can you get ready and get out of this house.
Sister: You realize that is one of the main toxic traits. In general! Just in general!
Mama: I'm not going today! [In reference to church, she did not go with us]
Sister: This is actually the most dramatic thing I've seen.
Mama: You pay for this price for being disobedient! Disrespectful disrespectful!! [my real name] don't write anything! Something will happen when you write this! I'm just teaching.
Me: You're supposed to be giving [sister’s real name] options not forcing
Mama: I'm the mother you're not supposed to be giving you SHIT!!!
Sister: I'm not giving you shit
My mother asks if I am disciplining her.
Me: Harassing her is not disciplining her
Mama: Even if you look ugly I don't care! I'm staying home. I haven't seen a child like that ever in my life. I haven’t seen a child like that.
Sister: Now you're getting mad over the dumbest things
Mama says to me: There is also a problem. You’re a guy you’re a man you're supposed to learn it.
[In reference to my mother not wanting me to share these conflicts and to seek help from others, but rather to keep it within the family and to endure the suffering myself]
Sister: That's toxic masculinity. I don't want to hear that shit.
Mama: Bad luck
Sister: The most bad luck that I've had is having you in my life There's something mentally wrong.
Mama: You don't deserve church
Sister: I'm not even offended anymore I just think you're weird.
Mama: You think [sister’s real name] theta relationship will last! Nothing lasts!! What should last? You're relationship with your parents Ha ha ha!!!
Sister; You broke that years ago. If you were anyone but my mother, I would have cut you off so fast
Mama: This
Sister; I'm being so serious. I wish you could hear yourself.
Mama: I don't care if you fail. I help you out for your success. Just for a single pair of pants!! Just for pants you have not seen
Sister: Just for pants you said I don’t deserve church. Just for pants you said I don't deserve good things in life
Mama crying: Get out of here (crying noises). I don't like people jotting down conversation. At least I need sone respect. Just the pants! Can you just say thank you this is not good for winter?
Sister: You’re yelling at me
I tell my mother she’s flailing her hands and shouting and saying that it’s obvious who's in the wrong. And I'm still on the toilet! And my mother is shouting at me so I've been typing this on the toilet.
Sister: I love how we're so nonchalant.
Since we've gotten to the point, we're from a meta perspective just analyzing our mothers behaver from a psychological standpoint.
Sister: If you're shitting on sarcasm, then maybe you should go out more
Me: I've been shitting!
Sister to mama: You should think hard of what you said.
Papa to mama: Who's going to church. Aren't you goig
Mama: No
Mama: When I told you not to wear that pants I was concerned because you looked ugly. I didn’t call you ugly I said that you looked ugly.
Sister: Why do you talk to papa like he's going to agree with you
[Our father is unfortunately an enabler to our mother’s toxicity]
Mama: You know what relationship you should protect! The one with your parents!
Sister: You should try a little harder
Mama: You will regret that. I already told you that many times
Editor's Note: I'M STILL ON THE TOILET
Mama: I'm not gonna tell you anymore what I see wrong with you. What you're wearing is ugly I will not care anymore. If you get sick, you know who will care for you? You cannot see the consequences. If she gets sick who will take care of her?!?! You didn’t see the consequences. YOU NEED CRITICAL THINKING! YOU DON'T HAVE THAT!!! I know the consequences; it will affect your life. Do you see the consequences. No! You don’t see the consequences. But you don’t see where I'm coming from, why you shouldn’t wear that pants.
[Editor Note from 9:11 PM from me, JSA: And I feel sick. It hurts to drink water. It hurt to eat. So, I was barely eating, barely drinking. My throat has been in pain for the past few days. And I slept hoping it will go away, but the next day it’s there again. And it even hurts to talk. But my mother does not know this. I don’t want her to know. Because she terrifies me.]
Me: You can't just start this conflict over a pair of pants.
Mama: You lack critical thinking, that's what I'm saying. Everyone e I tell you what to wear I want you to look good. I think about you before saying that to you. I'm the mother here! You live here. It is my responsibility to look after you guys. So, you have to think of that. THINK. Who is the mother here? You or me. I'm the mother here. You shouldn't talk back!
Me: So, you don't even want to engage in conversation anymore, you don't want us to respond back.
Mama: I'll be laughing after this. Laugh now. I'm going to have the last laugh. If you don't know what that means you lack critical thinking. If I tell you that then you're gonna say you're saying something bad. So, I say it that way
Sister: I know what its for. I learned basic idioms. I'm not going to explain it
Mother: You will be crying! I'll be praying to God! Be prepared [sister’s real name] that’s what will come in your life. When that comes in your life, don’t cry.
God knows who's righteous between me and you right now!
My sister and I both respond with like "yeah"
Mama: Even you [my real name]. I'll prove you that I am right and that you are wrong [sister’s real name].
Sister: Stop thinking you’re a martyr is. Do you know what a martyr is.
Mama: You know what. You happy today! Tomorrow you will not!
Sister: Do you expect me to cry because you spat a line? She spitting something!
Mother: You wouldn’t have achieved that without my help.! Leave them here! They don’t deserve church! Disrespectful children! I'm gonna ask God to help right now! I'm gonna ask God right now! I'm gonna ask God! I’m gonna ask right away.
Sister: You can’t command God to do something in a week.
And my sister and I both tell our mother that we hope she gets help.
[Then later on, our dad is driving my sister and I to church]
And then papa starts to suck up and enable our mother
Me: You're an enabler papa. Stop enabling mama's toxic behavior. You need to call her out on it.
Sister: You're not doing anything
Papa: All … doing is that you were concerned with the way you dressed
My sister then says that mama called her ugly, saying that she doesn’t deserve good things in life.
Sister: It doesn’t make anything better just because you understand their reasoning. I hate that you just stand there and do nothing
Papa: I'm saying something now
Me: And now it's a bad opinion
And papa goes in a rant saying how we should not use vulgar language,
[Which is ironic, considering our mother used vulgar language towards us]
So, I say to papa that when the bible talks about corrupt language Ephesians 4:29, it refers to words that intentionally unjustifiably harm people. Those aren’t inherent nor exclusively limited to vulgar language. I explain it to papa like this: If I say someone is fucking beautiful, what's wrong with that? But our mother is calling our sister ugly repeatedly. [And our mother says to my sister that she does not deserve to have good things happen in her life]. That 's the real bad language! Can you call out the genuine bad language here!
Sister says to papa: You're calling out the wrong person
And I tell my father that he’s just been standing there watching as we are emotionally abused. For years.
He makes an excuse about how he doesn't want to talk during the conflict, but then my sister replies saying that he rarely talks about it after the conflict too.
Sister says to papa; You're really on nobody's side here
Me; If you’re trying to suck up to mama, it wont work
My earthly father, though he was not there for my physical birth, even though he has since physically returned, sometimes I wonder if he’s even really “here” at all. Therefore, I remain hopeful in Our Father in Heaven, who will never abandon us, not even a single person. He who will reconcile all to Himself. Amen.
[Many things can be heard. So will not all hear of the good news, that Christ shall save all. Will not all people believe in the Gospel?
```Proverbs 25:25 NRSVue Like cold water to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country. ```]
Sister: It's odd. Am I not allowed to say odd?
Mama: You're disrespectful! You don’t deserve anyone who's good! You're being disrespectful I noticed that from you. I'm just telling you there's something wrong! You're being disrespectful now! ... Disrespectful! ... Disrespectful! ... I'm not fighting! Well, if you're disrespectful God will take that away from you!
Sister: That's not disrespectful!
Mama: That is disrespectful. I told you not to wear it! I don't care! You know what... No because I said I don't want you to wear it because it's winter!
Yes, because my sister does not want to wear some random winter clothes that my mother wants her to wear, but is instead wearing some other winter clothes again, my mother has been harassing her.
Mama: Can you get ready and get out of this house.
Sister: You realize that is one of the main toxic traits. In general! Just in general!
Mama: I'm not going today! [In reference to church, she did not go with us]
Sister: This is actually the most dramatic thing I've seen.
Mama: You pay for this price for being disobedient! Disrespectful disrespectful!! [my real name] don't write anything! Something will happen when you write this! I'm just teaching.
Me: You're supposed to be giving [sister’s real name] options not forcing
Mama: I'm the mother you're not supposed to be giving you SHIT!!!
Sister: I'm not giving you shit
My mother asks if I am disciplining her.
Me: Harassing her is not disciplining her
Mama: Even if you look ugly I don't care! I'm staying home. I haven't seen a child like that ever in my life. I haven’t seen a child like that.
Sister: Now you're getting mad over the dumbest things
Mama says to me: There is also a problem. You’re a guy you’re a man you're supposed to learn it.
[In reference to my mother not wanting me to share these conflicts and to seek help from others, but rather to keep it within the family and to endure the suffering myself]
Sister: That's toxic masculinity. I don't want to hear that shit.
Mama: Bad luck
Sister: The most bad luck that I've had is having you in my life There's something mentally wrong.
Mama: You don't deserve church
Sister: I'm not even offended anymore I just think you're weird.
Mama: You think [sister’s real name] theta relationship will last! Nothing lasts!! What should last? You're relationship with your parents Ha ha ha!!!
Sister; You broke that years ago. If you were anyone but my mother, I would have cut you off so fast
Mama: This
Sister; I'm being so serious. I wish you could hear yourself.
Mama: I don't care if you fail. I help you out for your success. Just for a single pair of pants!! Just for pants you have not seen
Sister: Just for pants you said I don’t deserve church. Just for pants you said I don't deserve good things in life
Mama crying: Get out of here (crying noises). I don't like people jotting down conversation. At least I need sone respect. Just the pants! Can you just say thank you this is not good for winter?
Sister: You’re yelling at me
I tell my mother she’s flailing her hands and shouting and saying that it’s obvious who's in the wrong. And I'm still on the toilet! And my mother is shouting at me so I've been typing this on the toilet.
Sister: I love how we're so nonchalant.
Since we've gotten to the point, we're from a meta perspective just analyzing our mothers behaver from a psychological standpoint.
Sister: If you're shitting on sarcasm, then maybe you should go out more
Me: I've been shitting!
Sister to mama: You should think hard of what you said.
Papa to mama: Who's going to church. Aren't you goig
Mama: No
Mama: When I told you not to wear that pants I was concerned because you looked ugly. I didn’t call you ugly I said that you looked ugly.
Sister: Why do you talk to papa like he's going to agree with you
[Our father is unfortunately an enabler to our mother’s toxicity]
Mama: You know what relationship you should protect! The one with your parents!
Sister: You should try a little harder
Mama: You will regret that. I already told you that many times
Editor's Note: I'M STILL ON THE TOILET
Mama: I'm not gonna tell you anymore what I see wrong with you. What you're wearing is ugly I will not care anymore. If you get sick, you know who will care for you? You cannot see the consequences. If she gets sick who will take care of her?!?! You didn’t see the consequences. YOU NEED CRITICAL THINKING! YOU DON'T HAVE THAT!!! I know the consequences; it will affect your life. Do you see the consequences. No! You don’t see the consequences. But you don’t see where I'm coming from, why you shouldn’t wear that pants.
[Editor Note from 9:11 PM from me, JSA: And I feel sick. It hurts to drink water. It hurt to eat. So, I was barely eating, barely drinking. My throat has been in pain for the past few days. And I slept hoping it will go away, but the next day it’s there again. And it even hurts to talk. But my mother does not know this. I don’t want her to know. Because she terrifies me.]
Me: You can't just start this conflict over a pair of pants.
Mama: You lack critical thinking, that's what I'm saying. Everyone e I tell you what to wear I want you to look good. I think about you before saying that to you. I'm the mother here! You live here. It is my responsibility to look after you guys. So, you have to think of that. THINK. Who is the mother here? You or me. I'm the mother here. You shouldn't talk back!
Me: So, you don't even want to engage in conversation anymore, you don't want us to respond back.
Mama: I'll be laughing after this. Laugh now. I'm going to have the last laugh. If you don't know what that means you lack critical thinking. If I tell you that then you're gonna say you're saying something bad. So, I say it that way
Sister: I know what its for. I learned basic idioms. I'm not going to explain it
Mother: You will be crying! I'll be praying to God! Be prepared [sister’s real name] that’s what will come in your life. When that comes in your life, don’t cry.
God knows who's righteous between me and you right now!
My sister and I both respond with like "yeah"
Mama: Even you [my real name]. I'll prove you that I am right and that you are wrong [sister’s real name].
Sister: Stop thinking you’re a martyr is. Do you know what a martyr is.
Mama: You know what. You happy today! Tomorrow you will not!
Sister: Do you expect me to cry because you spat a line? She spitting something!
Mother: You wouldn’t have achieved that without my help.! Leave them here! They don’t deserve church! Disrespectful children! I'm gonna ask God to help right now! I'm gonna ask God right now! I'm gonna ask God! I’m gonna ask right away.
Sister: You can’t command God to do something in a week.
And my sister and I both tell our mother that we hope she gets help.
[Then later on, our dad is driving my sister and I to church]
And then papa starts to suck up and enable our mother
Me: You're an enabler papa. Stop enabling mama's toxic behavior. You need to call her out on it.
Sister: You're not doing anything
Papa: All … doing is that you were concerned with the way you dressed
My sister then says that mama called her ugly, saying that she doesn’t deserve good things in life.
Sister: It doesn’t make anything better just because you understand their reasoning. I hate that you just stand there and do nothing
Papa: I'm saying something now
Me: And now it's a bad opinion
And papa goes in a rant saying how we should not use vulgar language,
[Which is ironic, considering our mother used vulgar language towards us]
So, I say to papa that when the bible talks about corrupt language Ephesians 4:29, it refers to words that intentionally unjustifiably harm people. Those aren’t inherent nor exclusively limited to vulgar language. I explain it to papa like this: If I say someone is fucking beautiful, what's wrong with that? But our mother is calling our sister ugly repeatedly. [And our mother says to my sister that she does not deserve to have good things happen in her life]. That 's the real bad language! Can you call out the genuine bad language here!
Sister says to papa: You're calling out the wrong person
And I tell my father that he’s just been standing there watching as we are emotionally abused. For years.
He makes an excuse about how he doesn't want to talk during the conflict, but then my sister replies saying that he rarely talks about it after the conflict too.
Sister says to papa; You're really on nobody's side here
Me; If you’re trying to suck up to mama, it wont work
My earthly father, though he was not there for my physical birth, even though he has since physically returned, sometimes I wonder if he’s even really “here” at all. Therefore, I remain hopeful in Our Father in Heaven, who will never abandon us, not even a single person. He who will reconcile all to Himself. Amen.
There I was sitting on the floor as my mother went on another one of her rants trying to justify her abuse, what she calls “parenting”, today Dec 11 2023 around 1:27 PM. My throat still hurts, even when drinking water, so it can hurt even to talk. But I’m willing to go through that if it means helping my mother learn, since I do still love her as a person, it’s her abusive actions I stand again. She says that she can’t harass my sister because she’s her daughter, but clearly that logic falls apart when you consider the many many cases of family abuse that just literally exist.
The problem is that, if we don’t define her over a decade streak consisting of constant insults, invalidation, gaslighting, manipulation, screaming, breaches in privacy and trying to get God to punish us in eternal conscious torment, then what the hell even counts as emotional and physical abuse anymore?
So, she goes on a lecture about how it’s not good to hold grudges, which I do agree with, however she tries to use that as an excuse to get me to stop typing these posts about her. So, I reply, saying how I literally type these as they happen. If she wants me to stop typing about her abuse, she should just stop her abuse. Simple.
I don’t think God holds grudges either. If He did, He would enact a punishment with permanent consequence, either torment forever or destruction forever. Therefore, I think all will eventually have faith alone in Christ and gain permanent salvation.
```Psalm 103:9 NRSVue He will not always accuse, nor will he keep his anger forever. ```
Psalm 103:9 - Bless the LORD, O My Soul
The “always” here coming from לָנֶ֥צַח (lā·ne·ṣaḥ) Strong's 5331: Eminence, enduring, everlastingness, perpetuity
So quite literally, because of the not לֹֽא־ (lō-) in front of it, an Adverb - Negative particle of
Strong's 3808: Not, no. Then it shows that an anger that has “everlastingness”, aka everlasting punishment, is quite simply not possible and contradictory to God’s very nature.
My mother says that she’s angry [the abusive type of anger] at one moment, but then it dissolves and it goes back to “normal”, so I shouldn’t record it. What horrible logic. And a convenient out for her.
My mother also tells me about her husband, how my earthly father is just quiet when the situation happens and how she appreciates it. So, I reply telling her what of what I told my earthly father in the car yesterday, when driving us to church, that he does not really talk during the conflict, nor after it as well. So again, that’s bad too.
I do wonder, if my early father stopped enabling my mother, if she would just stop. I unfortunately used to fawn after my mother as a trauma response, but I eventually stopped. My earthly father was physically abused by his earthly father, so I wonder if he maybe might still have fawning as a trauma response too. Though, he’s not really involved in family matters in general. When he does speak up about it, his opinions usually suck and are in favor of our mother. If this were a TV show, then he’d be like the camera man. If this were an anime, he’d be like a background character.
My mother says that it’s like a wound that should dissolve, so I reply telling her to stop reopening the wound day by day. Because quite literally, she was emotionally and verbally abusing my sister yesterday. I was planning on posting another section from that incident today (yes there’s more to it, there was a lot that happened), but I’m tired, and I still would have to edit it considering I type those quickly on my phone in the moment and talking things out with her, though I do think it’s worth it, really sucks up a lot of my time. Unfortunately, with my mother, it’s not that difficult to find “content” for these Daily Quotes, so to speak.
The problem is that, if we don’t define her over a decade streak consisting of constant insults, invalidation, gaslighting, manipulation, screaming, breaches in privacy and trying to get God to punish us in eternal conscious torment, then what the hell even counts as emotional and physical abuse anymore?
So, she goes on a lecture about how it’s not good to hold grudges, which I do agree with, however she tries to use that as an excuse to get me to stop typing these posts about her. So, I reply, saying how I literally type these as they happen. If she wants me to stop typing about her abuse, she should just stop her abuse. Simple.
I don’t think God holds grudges either. If He did, He would enact a punishment with permanent consequence, either torment forever or destruction forever. Therefore, I think all will eventually have faith alone in Christ and gain permanent salvation.
```Psalm 103:9 NRSVue He will not always accuse, nor will he keep his anger forever. ```
Psalm 103:9 - Bless the LORD, O My Soul
The “always” here coming from לָנֶ֥צַח (lā·ne·ṣaḥ) Strong's 5331: Eminence, enduring, everlastingness, perpetuity
So quite literally, because of the not לֹֽא־ (lō-) in front of it, an Adverb - Negative particle of
Strong's 3808: Not, no. Then it shows that an anger that has “everlastingness”, aka everlasting punishment, is quite simply not possible and contradictory to God’s very nature.
My mother says that she’s angry [the abusive type of anger] at one moment, but then it dissolves and it goes back to “normal”, so I shouldn’t record it. What horrible logic. And a convenient out for her.
My mother also tells me about her husband, how my earthly father is just quiet when the situation happens and how she appreciates it. So, I reply telling her what of what I told my earthly father in the car yesterday, when driving us to church, that he does not really talk during the conflict, nor after it as well. So again, that’s bad too.
I do wonder, if my early father stopped enabling my mother, if she would just stop. I unfortunately used to fawn after my mother as a trauma response, but I eventually stopped. My earthly father was physically abused by his earthly father, so I wonder if he maybe might still have fawning as a trauma response too. Though, he’s not really involved in family matters in general. When he does speak up about it, his opinions usually suck and are in favor of our mother. If this were a TV show, then he’d be like the camera man. If this were an anime, he’d be like a background character.
My mother says that it’s like a wound that should dissolve, so I reply telling her to stop reopening the wound day by day. Because quite literally, she was emotionally and verbally abusing my sister yesterday. I was planning on posting another section from that incident today (yes there’s more to it, there was a lot that happened), but I’m tired, and I still would have to edit it considering I type those quickly on my phone in the moment and talking things out with her, though I do think it’s worth it, really sucks up a lot of my time. Unfortunately, with my mother, it’s not that difficult to find “content” for these Daily Quotes, so to speak.
exploring friend:
What the Bible says about Breath of Life
(From Forerunner Commentary)
| Revelation 6:9 The word "souls" (psuchás, plural of psuché) also requires explanation, as the Greek word is far too complex in meaning to define facilely as a person's immortal essence, as most Catholics and Protestants are wont to do. Its basic meaning is "breath" and is thus equivalent to the Hebrew nephesh and Latin anima (as in English "animal" and "animate"). One of its uses is as the New Testament version of what Genesis 2:7 calls "the breath of life," that is, the vital force that makes a body live: "And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being [nephesh]." Luke 12:20 and Acts 20:10 use psuché in this manner. From this basic meaning derives its extensions: as "life" (see Matthew 6:25; John 10:11; Philippians 2:30; Revelation 12:11) and "living being" (see I Corinthians 15:45; Revelation 16:3). In addition, psuché can refer to the seat of emotion, will, and desire, whereas we would use the terms "heart," "mind," "personality," or "being" today (see Luke 1:46; Acts 14:2, 22; Hebrews 6:19; II Peter 2:14). In a similar sense, it can also identify man's moral and spiritual life (see Hebrews 13:17; I Peter 1:22; 2:11, 25; 4:19; III John 2). Some try to read immortality into certain biblical uses of psuché (for instance, Acts 2:27, 31; II Corinthians 1:23; Revelation 20:4), but the Bible does not support such an interpretation. In fact, in one of these, Matthew 10:28, Jesus confirms that souls can indeed be destroyed (also supported by the Old Testament in Job 33:22; Ezekiel 18:4, 20)! One must consult extrabiblical sources (such as Plato, Xenophon, Herodotus, and other Greek writers) to find usages of psuché that define "the soul as an essence which differs from the body and is not dissolved by death" (Thayer's Lexicon). How then is this word used in Revelation 6:9? We must remember that John is viewing a vision (Revelation 1:10), a symbolic representation for mortal eyes and minds of future events, not reality. One cannot see a person's actual soul, that is, his being, his life, so what John saw were representations of those who had been martyred. He probably literally saw bodies (Greek soma) under the altar but chose to identify them as psuchás, "lives" or "persons," because, as the next verses show, the vision depicts them speaking and receiving clothing, things a person can do only while alive. The important point to remember is that John specifically identifies them as having been "slain"—they are dead. The Bible elsewhere shows that "the dead know nothing" (Ecclesiastes 9:5) and cannot work, plan, learn, or pursue any activity in the grave (verse 10). Thus, John, a Hebrew, is using psuché in the same sense as Old Testament writers sometimes use nephesh, as "dead body," a being that once had life (see Leviticus 21:11; Numbers 6:6; 9:6-7, 10; 19:11, 13; Haggai 2:13). Richard T. Ritenbaugh |
The word in question is Hebrew, not Greek.
Brown-Driver-Briggs
נְשָׁמָה noun feminine breath; — ׳נ Deuteronomy 20:16 9t.; construct נִשְׁמַת (compare LagBN 82) Genesis 2:7 10t.; suffix נִשְׁמָתִי Job 27:3; נִשְׁמָתוֺ Job 34:14; plural נְשָׁמוֺת Isaiah 57:16; —
1 breath of God as hot wind kindling a flame Isaiah 30:33; as destroying wind 2 Samuel 22:16 = Psalm 18:16; Job 4:9; as cold wind producing ice Job 32:8; Job 33:4.
2 breath of man 1 Kings 17:17; Isaiah 42:5; Job 27:3; Daniel 10:7; breath of life נשׁמת חיים Genesis 2:7 (J); compare נִשְׁמַת רוּחַ חַיִּים Genesis 7:22 (J); as breathed in by God it is God's breath in man Job 34:14; Job 36:4; and is characteristic of man אדם אשׁר נשׁמה באפו Isaiah 2:22 man in whose nostrils is but a breath (late gloss).
Scripture is progressive. And, later took on the meaning of spirit of man. Context of Gen 2:7 is breath of life.
Brown-Driver-Briggs
נְשָׁמָה noun feminine breath; — ׳נ Deuteronomy 20:16 9t.; construct נִשְׁמַת (compare LagBN 82) Genesis 2:7 10t.; suffix נִשְׁמָתִי Job 27:3; נִשְׁמָתוֺ Job 34:14; plural נְשָׁמוֺת Isaiah 57:16; —
1 breath of God as hot wind kindling a flame Isaiah 30:33; as destroying wind 2 Samuel 22:16 = Psalm 18:16; Job 4:9; as cold wind producing ice Job 32:8; Job 33:4.
2 breath of man 1 Kings 17:17; Isaiah 42:5; Job 27:3; Daniel 10:7; breath of life נשׁמת חיים Genesis 2:7 (J); compare נִשְׁמַת רוּחַ חַיִּים Genesis 7:22 (J); as breathed in by God it is God's breath in man Job 34:14; Job 36:4; and is characteristic of man אדם אשׁר נשׁמה באפו Isaiah 2:22 man in whose nostrils is but a breath (late gloss).
Scripture is progressive. And, later took on the meaning of spirit of man. Context of Gen 2:7 is breath of life.
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