Hello
During the coronavirus lockdown I decided to convert to Christianity and since the churches were all closed I decided to self baptise
I was immediately “sifted” by Satan and subjected to all sorts of things in my head. I was a smoker previously and made me smoke even more
So have I grieved/quenched the Holy Spirit and if so what should I do? I recently quit smoking but it doesn’t seem to have made any difference
Guilt is sometimes real and based on our sins, and at other times it is psychological, based on the memory of what we conceive of as rebellion against God. The best way to stay free of guilt is to avoid things that even question whether you're being rebellious. But I don't think you can avoid all situations that make you uneasy.
Most issues like this simply fade with time. But sometimes, God seems to want us to stop relying on "spiritual experience," so that when things get dry, our roots begin to dig down deep. We develop fortitude when we are shaken by the winds of this world, which seem to threaten our walk with God and test our strength.
When we're younger Christians, things like smoking seem more serious than they really are. We aren't going to make these bodies survive old age no matter how healthy we live. So our object is not just to live long, but to keep ourselves fit so that we are mentally alert and happy.
If we go through real tough times, and perhaps are dying of cancer, what does it matter if we smoke? God is taking us home. But more often, we don't want to go home leaving that kind of testimony, as if we want others to just give up any time they have it tough. Some people want to live their lives standing strong even as they go through various tests.
Hey, when you go through difficult tests, you're not always going to feel like a champion. In my experience, I more often feel like a flop, even when I try real hard. God has a way of breaking us down. What matters most of all to Him is not your smoking, but your love for Him, and your obedience in matters of maintaining love for others. Keep that and you should be fine.