I feel like i have no one.

[dev553344]

It is something my pastor pointed out to me when we were talking. Fear has always been a big struggle for me.

"What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me."
Job 3:25 NIV

I'm unsure if this would be the place to discuss it, and I am am really working on not going after my theology beliefs online. Just too many. But I do agree with you too. Everything God does for us is out of love and works everything together for the good.

Interesting and I wasn't aware of that portion of Job's story. I've noticed lately that Satan likes to push fear on me in attempts to harm me. I've suffered some physical injuries recently and had to trust in God again and move past the fear. I have very specific attacks from Satan trying to push fear on me and I gave in for a while as it seemed reasonable. But now I see Satan loves for us to fear. He's like a murderer or something and I'm learning about him in difficult ways:

John 8:44

King James Version

44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.

 

[April_Rose]

Just because God allows somebody to do something doesn't mean that they won't abuse their privileges.

 

[Mayflower]

Interesting and I wasn't aware of that portion of Job's story. I've noticed lately that Satan likes to push fear on me in attempts to harm me. I've suffered some physical injuries recently and had to trust in God again and move past the fear. I have very specific attacks from Satan trying to push fear on me and I gave in for a while as it seemed reasonable. But now I see Satan loves for us to fear. He's like a murderer or something and I'm learning about him in difficult ways:

John 8:44

King James Version

44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.

Something I've dealt with all my life, along with a spirit of paranoia. It is why I didn't reach out to lilygrace more, because I was afraid of the time with the alter thread and thought I was her. I am not. But I had a username lily00 in the past, and struggled with self injury for years. (And lilygrace and I talked about this pm wise awhile back, so thank you for your kindness. Speaking it out extinguishes fear.)

So yeh. In PUBLIC I hope I offer some encouragement and edification in Christ. But as far as counsel online wise, I probably wouldn't be the best to go to. By Christ, many strongholds have fallen down in Jesus Name. I am thankful for that. God has taken a lot of my fear away... Even more so now.

 

[Mayflower]

Just because God allows somebody to do something doesn't mean that they won't abuse their privileges.

I'm not understanding what you mean

 

[April_Rose]

I'm not understanding what you mean

Lily said that she felt that God allowed somebody to be there for her and be her support,.. but that doesn't mean she has free will like the rest of us to do something stupid.

 

[lilygrace]

I admire your transparency here @Mayflower i appreciate you welcoming me. I understand your paranoia. We have some things in common. Like music and such too. If i came in talking about my opera training that could have spooked you as wlel.

 

[Mayflower]

I admire your transparency here @Mayflower i appreciate you welcoming me. I understand your paranoia. We have some things in common. Like music and such too. If i came in talking about my opera training that could have spooked you as wlel.

LOL. Well if I would have waited awhile till we were both online now. LOL. I would have not pm'd you about it. Transparency is important to me though. Even if it makes me sound a little crazy, Truth sets you free.

 

[Mayflower]

LOL. Well if I would have waited awhile till we were both online now. LOL. I would have not pm'd you about it. Transparency is important to me though. Even if it makes me sound a little crazy, Truth sets you free.

This has been a hard past year with covid and the like for a lot of people. But I think God has done some great things and drawn us closer to Him at the same time.

 

[dev553344]

Something I've dealt with all my life, along with a spirit of paranoia. It is why I didn't reach out to lilygrace more, because I was afraid of the time with the alter thread and thought I was her. I am not. But I had a username lily00 in the past, and struggled with self injury for years. (And lilygrace and I talked about this pm wise awhile back, so thank you for your kindness. Speaking it out extinguishes fear.)

So yeh. In PUBLIC I hope I offer some encouragement and edification in Christ. But as far as counsel online wise, I probably wouldn't be the best to go to. By Christ, many strongholds have fallen down in Jesus Name. I am thankful for that. God has taken a lot of my fear away... Even more so now.

I have schizophrenia so I understand paranoia. Luckily my meds cancel out the paranoia otherwise I'd be lost and probably in trouble. I did have some coping skills when I wasn't on meds but they only partially helped and I can't really be off my meds and be OK. It's really a lifeline for me to have them. I wish it wasn't so but it's what God gave me as a brain. I know I'm somewhat retarded, but I get by, LOL. Just kidding about being retarded kind of

 

[April_Rose]

I know I'm somewhat retarded, but I get by, LOL. Just kidding about being retarded kind of

No you're not retarded and neither am I. The only retarded people are the kind of people that specifically do stupid things to hurt people.

 

[Shattered]

I know no one meant harm but also no one can possibly know if i don't focus on my blessings. It's a discussion thread and a lot of assumptions are made. Maybe this person can actually still want to be friends for all we know.

I don't know you, lilygrace, and you're absolutely correct about all of the assumptions being made. I've been reading them and it reminds me of the assumptions people make about me, too. I don't know you, but I read your words and they strike at my heart because I've said pretty much the same things myself many times. So in this way I get how you feel.

How many times have I been betrayed? More than I can number because I'm not so young these days. Did I turn to the Lord with white hot fury? Yes, I did. I screamed at Jesus Christ who spared me from death again and again because I couldn't understand why I persisted in this world. This is good, lilygrace.

You're being completely honest with Christ just like I was and without launching into a long post, I'll just say this: this is precisely what we ought to do with the Lord. The Lord, who knows the secrets of our heart, is pleased when we thrust that heart before His feet. No lie is to be found on our lips when we pour out our heart to the living God, lilygrace.

There is an other side to it all but it can be a terribly lonely path. I've been walking that narrow path for a very long time now. I may not know you but I sure do understand how you feel.

 

[dev553344]

No you're not retarded and neither am I. The only retarded people are the kind of people that specifically do stupid things to hurt people.

I have a brother in law that is somewhat retarded and sits on the on-ramp asking for money, and he gets an SSI check. He can be dangerous and you have to be tough around him otherwise he tries to turn you into his "b@#ch". I think he's supposed to take meds but won't take them, he has anger issues. I also have two people that are retarded that see me on my walks, and they are both difficult to deal with and are often rude. I have a hard time dealing with retarded people and would probably prefer dealing with the mentally ill other types, but that's what I got in my life. My sister has schizophrenia and she is pleasant.

Regarding the OP, people can have mental programming and be difficult too. I mentioned the friend that attacked me and thought I was using my other friend. I think he acted on paranoia because a lot of his posts come across as conspiracy theories and paranoid. But he doesn't have to take meds. I think paranoia is present in a lot of people. And if @lilygrace can identify the thought process problem in her friend or something that might help her understand why, which can help with closure I think? I don't know what do you think?

 

[Shattered]

I have schizophrenia so I understand paranoia. Luckily my meds cancel out the paranoia otherwise I'd be lost and probably in trouble. I did have some coping skills when I wasn't on meds but they only partially helped and I can't really be off my meds and be OK. It's really a lifeline for me to have them. I wish it wasn't so but it's what God gave me as a brain. I know I'm somewhat retarded, but I get by, LOL. Just kidding about being retarded kind of

You are by no means retarded, Devin. I'm generally quiet and prefer to remain in the background and just listen/read, but every once in a while I'm stirred to speak (or write) and this is when the Lord moves upon me in a powerful way. Your honesty is more than refreshing. It brings me joy in a dark place and reminds me of those struggles I face.

There was a song written by Billy Joel many years ago --- "Honesty" --- and the meaning resounds in this world of darkness. Honesty is so rarely found on this earth of untruth and lies, even among those who proclaim the name of Jesus Christ! You would think that anyone who claims to love the Son of God who is the way, the truth, and the life would at least strive to be honest and forthright, but reality teaches otherwise. Therefore whenever I encounter honesty I leap for joy, for lips which confess the truth are beloved of the Lord.

You're honest and this is greater than many who live in comfort can claim when they're held accountable for every idle word.

 

[TLHKAJ]

I want to say an apology to those i haven't addressed. I am sorry and there have been a lot of posts to be fair.
Moving on.

*big hugs*
This is something we all do, missing posts and not replying to every single one. If someone is upset over not getting a reply, their heart is in the wrong place. They replied for self-seeking glory and not out of love.

 

[Hidden In Him]

I admire your transparency here @Mayflower i appreciate you welcoming me. I understand your paranoia. We have some things in common. Like music and such too. If i came in talking about my opera training that could have spooked you as well.

LOL. Well if I would have waited awhile till we were both online now. LOL. I would have not pm'd you about it. Transparency is important to me though. Even if it makes me sound a little crazy, Truth sets you free.

I think you two would have some things in common, cuz Mayflower strikes me as being a little Operatic herself.

 

[Mayflower]

I think you two would have some things in common, cuz Mayflower strikes me as being a little Operatic herself.

Music ed major, vocal emphasis, so yep. Sang a lot of opera.

Feel a little better, @lilygrace ?

 

[TLHKAJ]

I was specific not but i also don't feel i need to. I am not a person who asked her to talk. It felt like it was meant to be and God allowed it. But maybe God didn't really care and set me up for it. Gods will is fake. At least for me. None of us attacked each other.

Sis, these are legitimate emotions and conclusions for someone who has endured much evil and betrayals. I can honestly say that I have had times when when I felt this way. I get it 1000%. Keep bringing this to the Lord. I know that's not easy to do when it feels like every prayer has been answered with more pain. But sis....He does have a plan, and you will come through this. I don't know what that will look like, but it's the truth that gets me through my own suffering and I know He cannot lie. He will finish what He started in you.

 

[Amazed@grace]

No one was.even there to tell me she wasn't a real friend.
I can't live without her. No one knew me as well.

Do you hear yourself there?
You can't live without someone who when you first met put conditions on their attention towards you. Nothing negative or they're gone.

And sure enough they lived up to their word. And proved they can live without you. Now you're blaming yourself for their betrayal?

You can't live without them?
They're gone.

Now what?

 

[lilygrace]

That is the thing. Now what?

And friends aren't perfect either.
I have a friend who i told her about this who told me to move on and it is hard to keep long distance friends. She acknowledged my pain and the other person's pain of my misery i chose to go back to
She was neutrally fair to the woman.
But this same friend believes incidents i told her weren't sexual abuse at all and said that I'm a laid back person .... People are comfortable with me.
So i don't know how i feel.
What makes a friend a friend? I wish this person saw how i saw it like this older woman did.
Would i want to interfere with a young friend's Family who kept making contact with the person and the leaders? I feel like her position might have been hard to be in too. She is aware of the guilt trips i received.
It is sad and i miss her dearly. I felt so cherished there and respected. She said she was treating me the same as her other children when she saw my defeat that i made tbe decision to go back home and i hadn't recovered the courage since.
This can be correct but what others said can be correct as well.

 

[April_Rose]

And friends aren't perfect either..

Except for Jesus that is.