I think I finally lost my faith

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PossibleThrowawayAccount

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After years of trying to hold onto my faith I am ready to give up. I once had a beautiful relationship with God but many things made me question his love for me: a lifetime of poverty, an abusive relationship with my father, trauma, being isolated, people who treated me badly getting away with their abuses and living great lives, losing my stepchildren, and just struggling with life in general. I recently finished listening to an audio New Testament but could not find any verses that could help me believe that God would fulfill the last thing I was holding on for (that in Heaven he would create a gryphon that I often dream about). In the few prayers I have made in the past few years I asked God for answers. Why he didn't make me rich, why he didn't make me famous, why he didn't make me desirable, why my life has to be what it is and was.

Many people rely on the book of Job as an easy answer for our sufferings. I feel like I pose as a problem to the Christian community because I am proof that even if we hold on as Job did there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Sure someone can say God is going to reward us in Heaven but the problem is that Heaven's riches are pretty common. For example, its riches are kind of pointless because at that point no one dies and any hypothetical wealth they can receive won't really do any good. On earth they could have used it for food, medical related expenses and other necessities.

I try to keep a distance from Christians because I know, and have heard of, many who were disgusting human beings. I am not just talking about the stuff non-Christians are always harping on about (the Spanish inquisition, the witchhunts, priests who prey on Children). I once read about a man that helped abuse a child to death. He later became a priest and I am sure that if his church was confronted about it they would act like it was the greatest turnaround since Saul of Tarsus became the Apostle Paul, if not an even better one. I don't even want to think about the possibility of these dreadful people going to heaven. Even though I have a loose grasp on Christianity, I hope God will punish them deapite them believing in Jesus.

I had mentioned my enemies and I try not to think about them because it not only makes me angry at them but also at God who not allowed them to harm me and my family but also has rewarded them for their wickedness.

I hope what I have said did not offend anyone. As for myself I think I will go onto some kind of mini Christianity if I do not leave it all together. While I can believe everything the Bible is true, I won't pray and will pay very little attention to the Bible itself. As of right now I don't want to think about any of it.
 

Windmillcharge

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After years of trying to hold onto my faith I am ready to give up. I once had a beautiful relationship with God but many things made me question his love for me: a lifetime of poverty, an abusive relationship with my father, trauma, being isolated, people who treated me badly getting away with their abuses and living great lives, losing my stepchildren, and just struggling with life in general


I'm sorry that you have had and are having a hard life.

May I ask you whether you believe that Christianity is true or whether it is a lie?

If it is true abandoning Christianity because you aren't getting a dream fulfilled is stupid.
 
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Rockerduck

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Why he didn't make me rich, why he didn't make me famous, why he didn't make me desirable, why my life has to be what it is and was.
I'm not rich, or famous, or handsome. God saved me from Hell, He gave me a better life of abundance, being healthy, and prayer. Jesus is my friend and I tell Him everything. The promises of Heaven is better than anything, I mean anything in this corrupt world we live in. Do you really want to be left behind when God's wrath happens? Count your blessings. If you have a roof and a toilet, you are better off than 75% of the world.
 
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Patrick1966

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After years of trying to hold onto my faith I am ready to give up. I once had a beautiful relationship with God but many things made me question his love for me: a lifetime of poverty, an abusive relationship with my father, trauma, being isolated, people who treated me badly getting away with their abuses and living great lives, losing my stepchildren, and just struggling with life in general. I recently finished listening to an audio New Testament but could not find any verses that could help me believe that God would fulfill the last thing I was holding on for (that in Heaven he would create a gryphon that I often dream about). In the few prayers I have made in the past few years I asked God for answers. Why he didn't make me rich, why he didn't make me famous, why he didn't make me desirable, why my life has to be what it is and was.

Many people rely on the book of Job as an easy answer for our sufferings. I feel like I pose as a problem to the Christian community because I am proof that even if we hold on as Job did there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Sure someone can say God is going to reward us in Heaven but the problem is that Heaven's riches are pretty common. For example, its riches are kind of pointless because at that point no one dies and any hypothetical wealth they can receive won't really do any good. On earth they could have used it for food, medical related expenses and other necessities.

I try to keep a distance from Christians because I know, and have heard of, many who were disgusting human beings. I am not just talking about the stuff non-Christians are always harping on about (the Spanish inquisition, the witchhunts, priests who prey on Children). I once read about a man that helped abuse a child to death. He later became a priest and I am sure that if his church was confronted about it they would act like it was the greatest turnaround since Saul of Tarsus became the Apostle Paul, if not an even better one. I don't even want to think about the possibility of these dreadful people going to heaven. Even though I have a loose grasp on Christianity, I hope God will punish them deapite them believing in Jesus.

I had mentioned my enemies and I try not to think about them because it not only makes me angry at them but also at God who not allowed them to harm me and my family but also has rewarded them for their wickedness.

I hope what I have said did not offend anyone. As for myself I think I will go onto some kind of mini Christianity if I do not leave it all together. While I can believe everything the Bible is true, I won't pray and will pay very little attention to the Bible itself. As of right now I don't want to think about any of it.


God came in the flesh as Jesus and suffered a torturous death for you. Jesus will never give up on you so you don't give up on him, ok?
 

Nancy

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"Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness..."


James 4:2-3

2 "You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

It's learned the hard way, seek spiritual blessings and God will bless the rest, but we must always put HIM first.
God bless and direct you on your journey!

 
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Hey, I totally understand that life has been a tough ride, and you're feeling overwhelmed with doubts and struggles. It's okay to question and wrestle with faith; we all go through those moments. Just remember, God's love is not defined by our circumstances or material things. He cares deeply for you, and even when it feels like there's no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, there's still hope in His promises.

Stay strong, and remember that God's love is unconditional. Whenever you're ready to come back, He'll be there with open arms.
 
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ScottA

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After years of trying to hold onto my faith I am ready to give up. I once had a beautiful relationship with God but many things made me question his love for me: a lifetime of poverty, an abusive relationship with my father, trauma, being isolated, people who treated me badly getting away with their abuses and living great lives, losing my stepchildren, and just struggling with life in general. I recently finished listening to an audio New Testament but could not find any verses that could help me believe that God would fulfill the last thing I was holding on for (that in Heaven he would create a gryphon that I often dream about). In the few prayers I have made in the past few years I asked God for answers. Why he didn't make me rich, why he didn't make me famous, why he didn't make me desirable, why my life has to be what it is and was.

Many people rely on the book of Job as an easy answer for our sufferings. I feel like I pose as a problem to the Christian community because I am proof that even if we hold on as Job did there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Sure someone can say God is going to reward us in Heaven but the problem is that Heaven's riches are pretty common. For example, its riches are kind of pointless because at that point no one dies and any hypothetical wealth they can receive won't really do any good. On earth they could have used it for food, medical related expenses and other necessities.

I try to keep a distance from Christians because I know, and have heard of, many who were disgusting human beings. I am not just talking about the stuff non-Christians are always harping on about (the Spanish inquisition, the witchhunts, priests who prey on Children). I once read about a man that helped abuse a child to death. He later became a priest and I am sure that if his church was confronted about it they would act like it was the greatest turnaround since Saul of Tarsus became the Apostle Paul, if not an even better one. I don't even want to think about the possibility of these dreadful people going to heaven. Even though I have a loose grasp on Christianity, I hope God will punish them deapite them believing in Jesus.

I had mentioned my enemies and I try not to think about them because it not only makes me angry at them but also at God who not allowed them to harm me and my family but also has rewarded them for their wickedness.

I hope what I have said did not offend anyone. As for myself I think I will go onto some kind of mini Christianity if I do not leave it all together. While I can believe everything the Bible is true, I won't pray and will pay very little attention to the Bible itself. As of right now I don't want to think about any of it.

You are under the wrong impression.

Life in this world is not the measure of what is to be, but is the measure of what was (before the foundation of the world--before we were even born). As such, this is the revelation of all that was before the Judgement. This is our last will and testament...and it ain't over till it's over. Even those who are born again of the spirit of God in the midst of their life in this world, still have to live out the rest of it under the terms of this world...which is to be considered a blessing because God has seen fit to have them be a part of the solution as opposed to continuing on until natural death as a part of the problem.

So...either receive or reject all that God has determined is in your best interest. But do understand the reality of what it is that you are in the midst of, and know also that there is no advantage to being a fool or a quitter. This, incidentally, is why Paul came to say, "Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10

PS, ...and get rid of that "Throwaway" handle.
 

quietthinker

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After years of trying to hold onto my faith I am ready to give up. I once had a beautiful relationship with God but many things made me question his love for me: a lifetime of poverty, an abusive relationship with my father, trauma, being isolated, people who treated me badly getting away with their abuses and living great lives, losing my stepchildren, and just struggling with life in general. I recently finished listening to an audio New Testament but could not find any verses that could help me believe that God would fulfill the last thing I was holding on for (that in Heaven he would create a gryphon that I often dream about). In the few prayers I have made in the past few years I asked God for answers. Why he didn't make me rich, why he didn't make me famous, why he didn't make me desirable, why my life has to be what it is and was.

Many people rely on the book of Job as an easy answer for our sufferings. I feel like I pose as a problem to the Christian community because I am proof that even if we hold on as Job did there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Sure someone can say God is going to reward us in Heaven but the problem is that Heaven's riches are pretty common. For example, its riches are kind of pointless because at that point no one dies and any hypothetical wealth they can receive won't really do any good. On earth they could have used it for food, medical related expenses and other necessities.

I try to keep a distance from Christians because I know, and have heard of, many who were disgusting human beings. I am not just talking about the stuff non-Christians are always harping on about (the Spanish inquisition, the witchhunts, priests who prey on Children). I once read about a man that helped abuse a child to death. He later became a priest and I am sure that if his church was confronted about it they would act like it was the greatest turnaround since Saul of Tarsus became the Apostle Paul, if not an even better one. I don't even want to think about the possibility of these dreadful people going to heaven. Even though I have a loose grasp on Christianity, I hope God will punish them deapite them believing in Jesus.

I had mentioned my enemies and I try not to think about them because it not only makes me angry at them but also at God who not allowed them to harm me and my family but also has rewarded them for their wickedness.

I hope what I have said did not offend anyone. As for myself I think I will go onto some kind of mini Christianity if I do not leave it all together. While I can believe everything the Bible is true, I won't pray and will pay very little attention to the Bible itself. As of right now I don't want to think about any of it.
Whatever you think about God does not change the way he thinks and feels about you. You can do your darnedest, even kill him and he will not stop loving you......the crucification is evidence of that.
So, hang in there and ask for clarity, for direction but don't expect it to fit your wonky paradigm :)
 

ButterflyJones

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After years of trying to hold onto my faith I am ready to give up. I once had a beautiful relationship with God but many things made me question his love for me: a lifetime of poverty, an abusive relationship with my father, trauma, being isolated, people who treated me badly getting away with their abuses and living great lives, losing my stepchildren, and just struggling with life in general. I recently finished listening to an audio New Testament but could not find any verses that could help me believe that God would fulfill the last thing I was holding on for (that in Heaven he would create a gryphon that I often dream about). In the few prayers I have made in the past few years I asked God for answers. Why he didn't make me rich, why he didn't make me famous, why he didn't make me desirable, why my life has to be what it is and was.

Many people rely on the book of Job as an easy answer for our sufferings. I feel like I pose as a problem to the Christian community because I am proof that even if we hold on as Job did there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Sure someone can say God is going to reward us in Heaven but the problem is that Heaven's riches are pretty common. For example, its riches are kind of pointless because at that point no one dies and any hypothetical wealth they can receive won't really do any good. On earth they could have used it for food, medical related expenses and other necessities.

I try to keep a distance from Christians because I know, and have heard of, many who were disgusting human beings. I am not just talking about the stuff non-Christians are always harping on about (the Spanish inquisition, the witchhunts, priests who prey on Children). I once read about a man that helped abuse a child to death. He later became a priest and I am sure that if his church was confronted about it they would act like it was the greatest turnaround since Saul of Tarsus became the Apostle Paul, if not an even better one. I don't even want to think about the possibility of these dreadful people going to heaven. Even though I have a loose grasp on Christianity, I hope God will punish them deapite them believing in Jesus.

I had mentioned my enemies and I try not to think about them because it not only makes me angry at them but also at God who not allowed them to harm me and my family but also has rewarded them for their wickedness.

I hope what I have said did not offend anyone. As for myself I think I will go onto some kind of mini Christianity if I do not leave it all together. While I can believe everything the Bible is true, I won't pray and will pay very little attention to the Bible itself. As of right now I don't want to think about any of it.
It happens. How can it not save by those who don't actually think about what they're being asked to believe without rationalizing it.

Many pray and think God will respond in his own time. Some excuse no prayer response saying, God doesn't give you what you always want. He gives you what he knows you need.

That's selfish bunk for anyone who has prayed God save their dying family member.

Maybe remember that the first faith is to surrender to the belief the Bible is wholly inspired by God.
Its history proves mans involvement. Economics and politics.

Then take note that the God of the genesis of creation nearly always employs humans to do his bidding.

When that sinks in after reading the Old Testament with an open mind, maybe realize that old adage, God helps those who help themselves, is abundantly obvious.

Now, stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Everything you've experienced, survived, has made you the survivor you are now.

You don't need others to validate your identity, or life. You can pull yourself up by your bootstraps and face life.

Decide who you are. A victim, or a survivor. Prey or hunter.

Choose.
Scripture says , man plans their way but God sets their steps.

OK. Though he doesn't send memos. He just lets you end up there.

Meanwhile, drive your life. And bring God along for the ride.God is all. What you plan for the best life could be that memo after all. ;)

Blessings for your journey ahead.
 

Gottservant

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Turning away from the faith is of the Devil, that said, rushing in to the faith expecting everything to work together is not wise either. There is a chance that your faith will come back even stronger, but you need to commit more or less or repent (which is hard to work out).

In terms of how you feel about faith, that is never going to change, the point is to shift your priorities (which can take a long time).

You quite possibly have the good life still to come (70 years is a good life, according to Solomon), so it would be premature to tell you, that your last shot at a life on fire for God is possibly over.

I'll pray for you.
 

quietthinker

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You can pull yourself up by your bootstraps
I've yet to see someone do that. It's probably akin to a drowning man saving himself.....and if he didn't, he just didn't try hard enough?
No my dear, that's why we have a Saviour; it's because we can't do it ourselves! We need a Saviour and we need to let him save us; not fight tooth and nail with our conceit and our 'self sufficiency'
 

ButterflyJones

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I've yet to see someone do that. It's probably akin to a drowning man saving himself.....and if he didn't, he just didn't try hard enough?
No my dear, that's why we have a Saviour; it's because we can't do it ourselves! We need a Saviour and we need to let him save us; not fight tooth and nail with our conceit and our 'self sufficiency'
I believe you and wish you the best.
 

BarneyFife

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After years of trying to hold onto my faith I am ready to give up. I once had a beautiful relationship with God but many things made me question his love for me: a lifetime of poverty, an abusive relationship with my father, trauma, being isolated, people who treated me badly getting away with their abuses and living great lives, losing my stepchildren, and just struggling with life in general. I recently finished listening to an audio New Testament but could not find any verses that could help me believe that God would fulfill the last thing I was holding on for (that in Heaven he would create a gryphon that I often dream about). In the few prayers I have made in the past few years I asked God for answers. Why he didn't make me rich, why he didn't make me famous, why he didn't make me desirable, why my life has to be what it is and was.

Many people rely on the book of Job as an easy answer for our sufferings. I feel like I pose as a problem to the Christian community because I am proof that even if we hold on as Job did there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Sure someone can say God is going to reward us in Heaven but the problem is that Heaven's riches are pretty common. For example, its riches are kind of pointless because at that point no one dies and any hypothetical wealth they can receive won't really do any good. On earth they could have used it for food, medical related expenses and other necessities.

I try to keep a distance from Christians because I know, and have heard of, many who were disgusting human beings. I am not just talking about the stuff non-Christians are always harping on about (the Spanish inquisition, the witchhunts, priests who prey on Children). I once read about a man that helped abuse a child to death. He later became a priest and I am sure that if his church was confronted about it they would act like it was the greatest turnaround since Saul of Tarsus became the Apostle Paul, if not an even better one. I don't even want to think about the possibility of these dreadful people going to heaven. Even though I have a loose grasp on Christianity, I hope God will punish them deapite them believing in Jesus.

I had mentioned my enemies and I try not to think about them because it not only makes me angry at them but also at God who not allowed them to harm me and my family but also has rewarded them for their wickedness.

I hope what I have said did not offend anyone. As for myself I think I will go onto some kind of mini Christianity if I do not leave it all together. While I can believe everything the Bible is true, I won't pray and will pay very little attention to the Bible itself. As of right now I don't want to think about any of it.
Both the answers you seek from God and even Heaven itself is a Person and you can have Him right now.

And if you once had a beautiful relationship with God, I am speaking a language you well understand. :)
 

thelord's_pearl

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you said that your enemies got away with what they did to you, but how do you really know? things can be behind the scene, untold. I'm sorry you feel that way though but I think God corrects people and will punish those who hurt others. Try to open your eyes more so that you don't make God a liar and so that you can see the truth. I agree, that you should seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all things will be given to you as well, and if you ask for spiritual things, they will be given to you for sure.
 

PossibleThrowawayAccount

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Whatever you think about God does not change the way he thinks and feels about you. You can do your darnedest, even kill him and he will not stop loving you......the crucification is evidence of that.
So, hang in there and ask for clarity, for direction but don't expect it to fit your wonky paradigm :)
Even though I have a very little reply to this, I want to say that this really spoke to me. Thank you.

you said that your enemies got away with what they did to you, but how do you really know? things can be behind the scene, untold.
I know people who work with them (and some of them are my neighbors who claim to be Christians) and it seems that they have not suffered the consequences of their actions. One thing that does help is knowing that God will probably correct them in judgement day even if it does not necessarily mean sending them to Hell.

I ly to this thread knowing I am probably going to be jumped on some more but I thought I would update.

After listening to the New Testament without hearing anything that can help I decided I am going to try thoroughly reading it. I am also going to read analysises of verses that might help to make sure. I couldn't be happy with any other religion and I am sure not about to become an atheist. I did start praying again because I want God to show me the truth about the matter.

"Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness..."


James 4:2-3

2 "You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

It's learned the hard way, seek spiritual blessings and God will bless the rest, but we must always put HIM first.

God bless and direct you on your journey!

If that means all I have to do is put God first and he will be willing to give me the gryphon, then nothing would be easier. I would be so filled with gratitude that I wouldn't be able to resist making him priority. I would even be able to look past everything he has allowed happen to me.

I think it might be my negative personality that is not allowing me to truly understand the possibility that God will bring it to life.
 
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thelord's_pearl

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Even though I have a very little reply to this, I want to say that this really spoke to me. Thank you.


I know people who work with them (and some of them are my neighbors who claim to be Christians) and it seems that they have not suffered the consequences of their actions. One thing that does help is knowing that God will probably correct them in judgement day even if it does not necessarily mean sending them to Hell.

I ly to this thread knowing I am probably going to be jumped on some more but I thought I would update.

After listening to the New Testament without hearing anything that can help I decided I am going to try thoroughly reading it. I am also going to read analysises of verses that might help to make sure. I couldn't be happy with any other religion and I am sure not about to become an atheist. I did start praying again because I want God to show me the truth about the matter.


If that means all I have to do is put God first and he will be willing to give me the gryphon, then nothing would be easier. I would be so filled with gratitude that I wouldn't be able to resist making him priority. I would even be able to look past everything he has allowed happen to me.

I think it might be my negative personality that is not allowing me to truly understand the possibility that God will bring it to life.
Like someone has said earlier or similarly, God might not give you a gryphon, but you'll be so at peace, happy, healthy and loved in heaven that you won't need one. Or he might give it to you and create one just for you. :) by the way, that sounds so cute that you want a gryphon so much.
 

thelord's_pearl

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Glad to hear that you will now be trying to read the bible thoroughly. What I meant about the people who did things that hurt you, they might be successful at work but you never know if they got sick with a kind of disease in their life or have some limitation and something bad that happened.. a thorn in the flesh.. some details you will not know. Good luck to you!
 
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PossibleThrowawayAccount

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Despite what others have said I am going to believe that God will create the gryphon so I can have a relationship with him again. Last night I dreamt that the gryphon handed me a Bible and that made me realize how important Christianity is to me.

There is a wealth of verses in the Bible that talk about asking and receiving, God knowing what is truly in our hearts and of the good things that will be in Heaven. I think I was too busy looking for verses specifically saying we will have what we want that I ignored the stuff that indirectly said that I can have it.

What I meant about the people who did things that hurt you, they might be successful at work but you never know if they got sick with a kind of disease in their life or have some limitation and something bad that happened.. a thorn in the flesh.. some details you will not know.
Oh, that is a good point.