This is the really hard part.I find myself doubting God and sometimes I foolishly blame HIM for allowing my problems to happen. Sometimes I genuinely think HE hates me and that HE makes bad things happen to me out of spite. No matter how hard I try to remain a Christian, my problems usually cloud my mind and I feel angry at God. I don't even pray anymore as I don't think God cares about me and I only sometimes acknowledge the Bible.
S***ty things really do happen to good people and God really DID allow them to happen - and we aren't told why. Men and women who are a lot smarter and a lot more spiritual and a lot holier and a lot more faithful than me have asked that question over the centuries and haven't come up with a satisfactory answer.
I suppose those who claim to follow a Man who lived in a land occupied by brutal foreign oppressors, a Man who was single His entire life, whose people rejected Him, whose friends never really understood Him and betrayed Him to a corrupt local government, who was brutally tortured and then executed in one of the most humiliating and excruciating methods ever devised by humanity's sick and evil minds, I suppose we shouldn't expect life to be fair.
The problem of Theodicy, a sovereign God's active and passive culpability for the evil in this world bothered me more as I grew older. I remember a conversation with one of the best friends I ever had, a faithful Christian brother, who tried to hand me the same old platitudes. I was shocked at how strongly something deep inside me reacted against that.
The model of faith I'm proposing trusts God in the face of suffering. Faith trusts God and so keeps asking, seeking, and knocking, even when the answer is "No" or "Wait". Faith doesn't measure the depth of God's love for you by the quality of your circumstances or whether prayers get answered, though faith responds with joy, gratitude, and thanksgiving when God does grant a prayer request. Faith is honest with God when he is disappointed or even angry with Him because he trusts God will still love him. Faith is also honest with God about one's own doubts.
Your life is a lot harder than mine; I've got no business preaching to you. And now I have to be honest and confess that I know damn well that my own faith isn't there yet. I wrote this as much for me as I did for you, knowing that life could go bad on me at any time. I don't know how to get there except by living through it. But maybe you and I can walk together for a bit and encourage each other.