Judgemental People

[Jennifer]

My heart aches that I think I have the start of a possible answer sitting on my computer. But, it is far too dangerous reading for her at this stage...… actually, for most of us. LOL

Oh yeah, what might that be?

 

[Jennifer]

You're in the Christian world and seeing what those of us have seen before you! I could write a book on all the wrongs I've encountered in churches. I've had snooty leadership act judgmental - we left the church and later learned their little group broke up.

I remember how one church we were at, one of our family members became upset that the leadership forced a man who had been caught in adultery to confess it to the congregation. It was pretty ridiculous because that church was full of backbiters, gossipers, and hypocrites. The pastor's wife later committed suicide; I think due to that toxic environment of judgmentalism.

There are some "Christians" who you just have to walk away from. I believe there may be time for "correction" but too many rush into it, aren't loving, and have too big of logs in their own eyes to correct another. Your dealing is with Christ and that's who you should be asking to speak to your heart.

Hold your ground Jennifer; don't let anyone put you down.

Has anyone explained to you that once you become a Christian you have inherited an enemy? The accuser? I think that "The Adversary" should be required reading for new Christians.

Bottom line is that it's hard for others to diagnose what is going on. But I have seen the extreme example of how toxic judgmentalism can be so I would caution you to find a group of believers who are supportive.

John 15:20

“Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.”

John 8:7

“So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”

Ok thank you .I understand

 

[Jennifer]

Maybe you need to get away from them for awhile? Do you have a relative you can stay with? There are shelters if not but I'd be very careful since you can be victimized there as well; especially if a predator notices that you're vulnerable. You could also find caring people - just be careful. Will your church help if you ask them?

Would you like us to pray?

Yeah I'm thinking of doing that real soon...

 

[Soverign Grace]

Of course that is also subjective. Just because she feels like she is being judged doesn't make it so.

No it may not be meant to be judgmental, it could be just perception. But after 40+ years of being in the Christian church I know that judgmentalism goes on. I could have been too but it's something that I'm watching carefully because Christians can really hurt other Christians. The leadership in one church was terrible; the judgmentalism so thick you could cut it with a knife. Christ ate with the publicans and sinners and they seem to forget that. But what was really comical was that one of the elders had committed adultery and here they were looking down their nose at others. The one pastor even admitted he was formerly a hell rake. When I questioned them they said that "God put them in their positions and they were to be obeyed." Oh my. No wonder I had an off feeling about that church from day one.

I was so disgusted I prayed that God would take all peace and sleep away from the pastors. The following Sunday the first words out of the pastor's mouth was that he hadn't been able to sleep. I about fell off my chair. I told him on the way out what I had been praying and why. Oh my God - I must have been labeled a heretic because surely GOD wouldn't answer the prayers of a mere NOBODY! The group whose homes we had shared turned their back on me - all but one. I emailed pastors online and am so thankful for them - they all said that they would not have acted as those leaders. So the one pastor really got through to me and I knew we were to leave the church. And thank God we did. I found out their little group broke up not long after that.

But I have family that to this day refuse to step foot in an independent church. And the funny thing about those leaders - they used to cut up every other denomination.

Yes - judgmentalism is rife in the church...and it hurts people.

 

[Willie T]

Angry people usually end up looking ridiculous, for their response seems out of proportion to what occasioned it. They have taken things too seriously, exaggerating the hurt or insult that has been done to them. They are so sensitive to almost any slight, that it becomes comical how much they take personally. More comical still is their belief that their outbursts signify power. The truth is the opposite: Petulance is not power, it is a sign of helplessness. (People may temporarily be cowed by your tantrums, but in the end they lose respect for you. They also realize they can easily undermine a person with so little self-control.)

The answer, however, is not to repress our angry or emotional responses, for repression drains us of energy and pushes us into strange behavior. Instead we have to change our perspective: we have to realize that nothing in the social realm, and in the arrows shot, is personal.

Everyone is caught up in a chain of events that long predates the present moment. Our anger often stems from problems in our childhood, from the problems of our parents — which stem from their own childhoods, and on and on. Our anger also has roots in the many interactions we've had with others, the accumulated disappointments and heartaches that we have suffered. An individual will often appear as the instigator of our anger, but it is much more complicated and goes far beyond what that individual did to us. If a person explodes with anger at you (and it seems out of proportion to what you did to them), you must remind yourself that it is not exclusively directed at you — do not be so vain. The cause is much larger, goes way back in time, involves dozens of prior hurts, and is actually not worth the bother to understand. Instead of seeing it as a personal attack, look at the emotional outburst as a disguised move of a frustrated lack of power, an attempt to try to finally have some control in their life (or even punish you in the stead of others) cloaked in the form of hurt feelings and anger. Not the most honorable of motives, but certainly understandable.

This shift of perspective will let you engage in their puzzling game with more clarity and empathy. Instead of overreacting, and becoming ensnared in people's emotions, you can view their loss of control as being to your advantage in that you can make the decision to help instead of hurting in retaliation.

 

[reformed1689]

No it may not be meant to be judgmental, it could be just perception. But after 40+ years of being in the Christian church I know that judgmentalism goes on. I could have been too but it's something that I'm watching carefully because Christians can really hurt other Christians. The leadership in one church was terrible; the judgmentalism so thick you could cut it with a knife. Christ ate with the publicans and sinners and they seem to forget that. But what was really comical was that one of the elders had committed adultery and here they were looking down their nose at others. The one pastor even admitted he was formerly a hell rake. When I questioned them they said that "God put them in their positions and they were to be obeyed." Oh my. No wonder I had an off feeling about that church from day one.

I was so disgusted I prayed that God would take all peace and sleep away from the pastors. The following Sunday the first words out of the pastor's mouth was that he hadn't been able to sleep. I about fell off my chair. I told him on the way out what I had been praying and why. Oh my God - I must have been labeled a heretic because surely GOD wouldn't answer the prayers of a mere NOBODY! The group whose homes we had shared turned their back on me - all but one. I emailed pastors online and am so thankful for them - they all said that they would not have acted as those leaders. So the one pastor really got through to me and I knew we were to leave the church. And thank God we did. I found out their little group broke up not long after that.

But I have family that to this day refuse to step foot in an independent church. And the funny thing about those leaders - they used to cut up every other denomination.

Yes - judgmentalism is rife in the church...and it hurts people.

Judging itself is not wrong, nor are we told not to judge. That is taken out of context.

 

[Willie T]

Of course that is also subjective. Just because she feels like she is being judged doesn't make it so.

Unfortunately, to her, it does. And for each of us, it is just the same. It is not necessarily the facts of a situation that matter to us, but our perception of those facts.

 

[reformed1689]

Unfortunately, to her, it does. And for each of us, it is just the same. It is not necessarily the facts of a situation that matter to us, but our perception of those facts.

Right, I guess my point is that I am not accountable for your perception of a situation.

 

[Willie T]

Judging itself is not wrong, nor are we told not to judge. That is taken out of context.

Yes, but as SG said, most Christians aren't judging for themselves. They are judging in order to pass their "decision" onto others as judgeMENT.

 

[Willie T]

Right, I guess my point is that I am not accountable for your perception of a situation.

Couldn't that be expressed, "Am I my brother's keeper?"

 

[reformed1689]

Yes, but as SG said, most Christians aren't judging for themselves. They are judging in order to pass their "decision" onto others as judgeMENT.

Hmm, I'm not sure that I agree with your definitions and distinctions. If I call someone who says Jesus is not God a false teacher. Am I wrong? Am I judging for myself, or passing judgment?

 

[reformed1689]

Couldn't that be expressed, "Am I my brother's keeper?"

No those are hardly equivalent.

 

[Willie T]

Oh yeah, what might that be?

A tiny droplet of it is in Post # 145. ( Judgemental People )

 

[Willie T]

No those are hardly equivalent.

Well, you may read it as you are not, but I read it as we are very responsible for caring about others. I think it is a bit more than just clothing people, giving a glass of water, or visiting them in prison………. although I do think we are asked to break the locks off the emotional prisons of others.

 

[Heart2Soul]

I find it hard to forgive others who keep hurting me over and over...I try to be patient with people but sometimes enough is enough....

Hi @Jennifer....there have been 2 major issues in my heart that the Holy Spirit has revealed to me that I wasn't aware of...
1. A spirit of offense: I have spent all my life being easily offended by how others treat me, talk about me, or judge me....then the Holy Spirit showed me how I put too much value into other people's thoughts, opinions or actions about me and not enough emphasis on what He/His Word says about me....His Word is Truth and everything else a lie...and do realize that it is the enemy who is attacking you through the things that bother you the most.
2. An attitude of injustice: Again all my life I have carried the emotional and mental pain from what others have done to me....false accusations, wrongdoing, hate and anger without cause...etc...and again the Holy Spirit made me see that this attitude caused me to put too much value in the actions of others....in other words my self esteem and self worth were just too much about "self"....I still struggle but He is healing those issues.
So my main focus in life now is to be confident that He created me perfect in His eyes and to give no place for Satan to deceive me or to oppress me through the actions of others and simply keep my eyes on Him and work on my actions towards others.
If everyone did this then no one would be offending anyone!

 

[Jennifer]

Hi @Jennifer....there have been 2 major issues in my heart that the Holy Spirit has revealed to me that I wasn't aware of...
1. A spirit of offense: I have spent all my life being easily offended by how others treat me, talk about me, or judge me....then the Holy Spirit showed me how I put too much value into other people's thoughts, opinions or actions about me and not enough emphasis on what He/His Word says about me....His Word is Truth and everything else a lie...and do realize that it is the enemy who is attacking you through the things that bother you the most.
2. An attitude of injustice: Again all my life I have carried the emotional and mental pain from what others have done to me....false accusations, wrongdoing, hate and anger without cause...etc...and again the Holy Spirit made me see that this attitude caused me to put too much value in the actions of others....in other words my self esteem and self worth were just too much about "self"....I still struggle but He is healing those issues.
So my main focus in life now is to be confident that He created me perfect in His eyes and to give no place for Satan to deceive me or to oppress me through the actions of others and simply keep my eyes on Him and work on my actions towards others.
If everyone did this then no one would be offending anyone!

Ok I understand

 

[Jennifer]

A tiny droplet of it is in Post # 145.

What

 

[Willie T]

What

That reply is why I told *SG* you weren't yet ready to hear any of it.

 

[Heart2Soul]

Ok I understand

We all have been in this situation...I am 60 and just now coming to understand this myself....hugs and prayers sister....and try to resist the enemy who is attacking you through all this.
Give it to Jesus....He will carry you through!
Blessings my sister!

 

[reformed1689]

Well, you may read it as you are not, but I read it as we are very responsible for caring about others. I think it is a bit more than just clothing people, giving a glass of water, or visiting them in prison………. although I do think we are asked to break the locks off the emotional prisons of others.

I wrote an article a while back about this. Do Not Offend