Very sad, sorry you were blamed for it. We are each responsible for our own happiness...if we live trying to find others to make us happy we never find it.I was 17 going on 18 hanging out with a 27 year old biker drug guy I thought I was in love with. Having the time of my life getting high and poking white powder up my nose.. living the HIGH life.
One night he said he had n idea, he grabbed a piece of rubber band and a needle and said you got to give this a try.
I was thinking, maybe this aint such a good idea, but I'm 17 and kids are gonna do what their gonna do.
The needle didn't work. Don't know why. It just wouldn't work no matter how much he tried.
I said nevermind. I don't really want to anyways.
The following week he went out and got himself some fancy stuff and Overdosed himself right into the hospital.
I'd been living with him in an old pick up with a cab cover for about a year, living on candy bars, cause that's all you can afford when the other fun stuff matters more.
I put out my thumb and hitchiked 60 miles in the dead of winter, home to my parents who'd been taking care of my little girl.
When he got out of the hospital he begged me to come back. It was real hard to say no. I loved the guy ya know.
But I realized I wanted to be a mom more. So I said no.
A few days later his mom calls me on the phone, says he's in the hospital. Seems he was on some drugs and drinking heavy, so depressed I'd left him, he went out to the garage and grabbed a machete and cut all the fingers off his left hand.
His mom said it was all my fault, I drove him to it.
I lived with that for a good long time. I finally realized I wasn't to blame.
That night that needle didn't work.. God saved my life in more ways than one.
Hugs
In my responsibility of my happiness I choose to lean on God in life and when trials and tribulations come I lean even harder on him.