Marrying a devout Christian girl from France

[Ronald David Bruno]

I never said I was perfect

Good, you just need to find good in others and not be so judgmental.

I do sometimes think that God hates me without knowing the reason.

No, the fact that you have changed
from bad to better is a sign that He is working on you. We are all a work in progress. Also that you were an atheist and now a believer, concerned about what God thinks of You and worried about It, is confirmation in itself that He loves you and is working with you!

Maybe God has punished me for my hardcore atheistic, anti-religious past

He may have punished you in the past. The past is over - isn't it. Did you ask for His forgiveness and didn't He forgive you? That doesn't mean, we are going to act like angels. We have a dual nature. The spirit wars against the flesh. The flesh wants to live freely, lust after things (like onanism) and the spirit struggles to control it. Self control takes years, but with God's help and prayer, we learn to say no to temptations. We die to our old selves and we hate our sin.
Sexual sin is a sin against yourself.
Many boys an men masturbate, it is not uncommon, but it is not good for you. Why? Satisfying yourself sexually has side effects. It may cause you to become more introverted and withdrawn, feeling less of a need for a woman, since you can satisfy yourself. As I said it is a sin against yourself. And of course fantasies accompany you while you are doing this and they aren't real. So that further pushes you away from reality. Enough of that.

Onanism is ruining my relationship with God,

I think God is much more concerned about other areas in your life, like knowing the TRUTH, Who is JESUS, growing up and taking on responsibility, loving others, growing your faith, getting to a place in life of contentment and peace.

spend entire nights hugging my pillow as if it was my dreams girl, sometimes even in a sexual way.

This is not as uncommon as you think. Men do this and have fantasies when they are lonely.
Put tape on it or something, write "I'm sorry but tonight you are off limits on the tape!" We have to mortify our sin, get a handle on temptations, say no before you get to that point. Don't wait, then the urge will take over.

I repent & pray to God everytime I misuse my body but it seems I can never stop regardless of how much I want to abstain from it, it's almost automatic. It's worse than a drug.

Paul speaks of the sin that dwells in you. You dont want to do it but you do. It is the law of the flesh, you are still somewhat a slave to it. The law of the spirit does not want this. So we have this battle going on. Eventually, with God's help, we mature, learn self control, learn to channel our energies into more productive directions. We focus in things above, store up treasures in heaven ... be a servant to others? Not self serving.
If you apologize to God afterwards and keep doing It, that is like slapping someone several times a day and saying you are sorry. When someone is truly sorry, they stop doing whatever it is they are doing.

I'm starting to think some people go to hell by predestination & can't do anything about it, and I'm worried I may be one of them.

You are not. God let's some people go to their own demise. Did He let you continue being an atheist? If you were really a reprobate, you'd still be an atheist without any concern about your actions. God convicts us, chastises us, corrects us and guides us on the right path. Your guilty feelings are evidence that God is working on you, convicting you when you do something that does not please Him.

I can tell you, on the other hand, that I have NEVER heard of a devout Christian my age, I'm not lying

FIND A CHURCH ASAP. TRY SEVERAL

The closest thing to a Christian girl I found was a girl from school I saw a few times who usually wore a cross & had a photo of the Virgin Mary in her phone. She didn't go to church or read the Bible though.

Sounds like a nice girl to me. She has a heart for Christ, want a ti be identified as a Christian. It doesn't mean she is a mature Christian. You need to not pass up opportunities regardless of your pre-conceived notions about people. Do not assume what you don't know about someone. They may surprise you. Actually, an extrovert sometimes is attracted to their opposite. You balance each other out. Explore, have fun today without expectations. People put a lot of stress on themselves and others when they come into a relationship with a bag of expectations - I'd advise you leave that bag at home. Maybe after a few months, slowly pull things out if that bag, very gently. Just take baby steps and one day at a time

But the main problem is that she wasn't a native French. She was from Martinique & was mixed race.

So you prefer a white French girl.
Go to church in France.

And sorry but I don't want a wife (or girlfriend) of another race, no matter how Christian she is, neither do I want mixed children, it's too gross for me! I only want white, native French girls

It is your preference, doesn't mean you are a racist. Would you be opposed to having friends of another race? I can understand language differences, cultural differences, religious differences all make it difficult to relate. Other than that, a Christian is a Christian, and spirituality has no race.

The girls with barely any friends, who will take a long time to trust me. They are the best. They are the most loving. They are the most chaste. They are the most selfless. They make the best wives!

I think you a very wrong about that. The best women are the most friendly and loving. My wife's phone book is filled with hundreds of names. She is a servant of the Lord and of people. She loves people, and they love her, no matter what race or religion. She thinks of others first. I have a gem and am fortunate that I am first in line in her book.
I also dated an introvert loner for a while. She was so selfish, wanting her needs met and had years of therapy because of her social fears. She could'nt get out of her head. Always me, me, I, I ... I ended that but was thankful I met her since She was the Christian who led me to the LORD 30 years ago.

how can I find a white, devout Christian French girl? I

FIND A CHURCH.
BTW, this was too much information really. You should be confessing this story with a Priest or Pastor. They will help you. You need counsel. I am out of ideas and anything beyond what I gave you.
Time for a change.

 

[Chrétien]

Good, you just need to find good in others and not be so judgmental.

What good? The only good people I know are family members. And maybe some priest & a few old people. But that is. I know nobody my age who has a good, humble character. Goodness is severely endangered in the youth (if not already extinguished). My school was a literal hell, I'm so happy I will never go back. All the girls of my classroom, I repeat, ALL THE GIRLS, were pierced or tattooed at least in some place. Sometimes when there was free time the boys would open youtube & listen to some music, well not actual music, only degenerate crap. They always listened the same Algerian/Moroccan/Senegalese gang hip hop full of rude & sexual lyrics bragging about how many ferraris & girls they had got. All the f***ing "music" I heard from them without exception was like this. And worst of all, the girls always went out with them to dance that crap & exhibit their butts like prostitutes. I was the only one in the classroom that felt disgusted with that crap & wanted something different. I WAS THE ONLY ONE. So do you expect me to go search & find their "good side" if they have even got one? I accept I have many flaws, but it seems most people I know haven't got a single virtue.

I think God is much more concerned about other areas in your life, like knowing the TRUTH, Who is JESUS, growing up and taking on responsibility, loving others, growing your faith, getting to a place in life of contentment and peace.

But since I want a pure wife, it's very important that I give her a chaste husband as well. I can't revert the mess I already did but I have to stop now. At least I haven't slept with any girl in my life. So I expect the same of her.

Paul speaks of the sin that dwells in you. You dont want to do it but you do. It is the law of the flesh, you are still somewhat a slave to it. The law of the spirit does not want this. So we have this battle going on. Eventually, with God's help, we mature, learn self control, learn to channel our energies into more productive directions. We focus in things above, store up treasures in heaven ... be a servant to others? Not self serving.
If you apologize to God afterwards and keep doing It, that is like slapping someone several times a day and saying you are sorry. When someone is truly sorry, they stop doing whatever it is they are doing.

The problem is that I always trust I will stop & never do it again but suddenly when I'm in bed fall to it. I have frequent stops when I'm doing it & ask God to forgive me but I can never stop & always continue doing it, it feels like somebody forces me to do it. But I really wish to stop & be chaste! My passion & lust is so strong & I have no idea on how to combat it! The worst thing is that I don't even watch pornography. I successfully gave up on it around a year ago. I don't even need sexual thoughts to be tempted into sin. I just have to think of a girl I create in my head, imagine her face or legs & my impulses explode! I fear that I will never be able to fight this regardless of what I do!

You are not. God let's some people go to their own demise. Did He let you continue being an atheist? If you were really a reprobate, you'd still be an atheist without any concern about your actions. God convicts us, chastises us, corrects us and guides us on the right path. Your guilty feelings are evidence that God is working on you, convicting you when you do something that does not please Him.

Or maybe He is doing this to make me suffer both in this world & in the one behind it. I'm so uncertain. But maybe I'm being too fearful. I just have no idea. What if God is not as forgiving as the church likes to tell us???

I think you a very wrong about that. The best women are the most friendly and loving. My wife's phone book is filled with hundreds of names. She is a servant of the Lord and of people. She loves people, and they love her, no matter what race or religion. She thinks of others first. I have a gem and am fortunate that I am first in line in her book.

I don't think so. Women with many social contacts tend to be unfaithful & promiscuous. The less the contacts a woman has got, the more faithful & chaste she will be. In fact, shy, quiet & introverted girls are actually the most sincere, loving & submissive. They are usually unselfish & love like children. They may seem stupid & unwelcoming in the beginning but when you gain their trust, they will be the best girls you could ever imagine. And no, they are not autistic. They are reserved because they know the world is full of evil people who want to hurt them, and therefore they prefer to avoid them & stay only with a reduced circle of people they can trust. And when they fall in love with a guy, they will cling to him like a daughter would cling to her father & will stay extremely faithful to him & even fear losing him. I wish I could meet one of these girls one day!

loves people, and they love her, no matter what race or religion.

Big turn off for me. That's not a Christian, but a leftist behaviour. And I don't want a girl who likes people of another race or religion!

FIND A CHURCH ASAP. TRY SEVERAL

So you prefer a white French girl.
Go to church in France.

FIND A CHURCH.

I can't go now. My parents will not let me go there now because of that stupid virus rubbish.

But I went to several churches before the lockdown & barely found any young people there. I only found two girls aged 13-18 in total. Well, there were few people under 30. Both of the said girls, however, were already engaged. It annoyed me so much & this brings me to another question, why are there so few single girls compared to single boys? It seems to me like all the girls get their first boyfriend by age 13 or 14. I have never heard of a girl my age who has not had already a couple of boyfriends. Why does this happen, why? Ok, I might have to try again & go to different churches to see if I have missed something valuable, I didn't go that much to church anyway (only a few times a month) so I could try again once my parents let me go. Let's suppose my parents allow me to go from this Sunday & I visit a couple of churches for a time. What if I find no girls of interest in any of these? Let's then suppose I do find some girls of interest who appear attractive & pursuable for me. What if I see all of them with a boy? Let's then suppose some of them don't go with anybody, or go with their family, and I successfully approach & talk with one. What if I later realize she's engaged with a boy outside the church? Let's then suppose she's not currently engaged. What if I later find out she had got some boyfriends in the past (and is not a virgin)? It's so many questions to answer, I find more failure than success on it. And with years it will only be harder & harder to find what I seek out. Spending all the stupid days eating a disgusting Uber ordered pizza for lunch, taking a drug the next hour & fantasizing the entire evenings with the blue-eyed fairy I would have loved to meet.

 

[Ronald David Bruno]

What if I find a church and it just happens be to a target church for terrorists that week, a bomb explodes just as I'm entering the church and I barely survive but am blind now? Who will marry and take care of a blind boy?
What If I don't even make to the church, because the bus I took stalled on the train tracks and at the last minute I had to jump out of the window while the train crashes into the bus causing it to spin around and the bumper slices my leg off?
What am I going to do then? Who will marry a one-legged boy ... who was wanting to be a responsible man so I could provide for a family
... Heck, I even had a job interview lined up next week - now my life is over, I'll never get a job, never grow up and have to live with my parents forever.
What if I actually find a girl who checks all the boxes on my list and actually likes me enough to take a chance and go out on a date? Where will I get the money? Mom and Dad? What if after the first date she discovers everything about me because I am an open book you know, transparent, self disclosure is wide open - I just have to lay it all out there in the table? She sees that I don't have anything to offer, can't provide for her, so just does'nt really want to get involved with a guy who does not have it together, doesn't have a JOB, no aspirations, goals or plans? She won't even go out on a second date? What then? You blew it, sometimes only one girl like that comes along.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW. DON'T DEFEAT YOURSELF BEFORE YOU START.
ALL THOSE THINGS IN YOUR HEAD YOU IMAGINE DO NOT EXIST. FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN DO TODAY BUT MAKE A PLAN FOR TOMORROW WITHOUT ANY NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES IN IT.
Go back and read all the advice given to you by everyone, take notes. Either take our advice or don't bother asking for it.

 

[Chrétien]

DON'T WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW. DON'T DEFEAT YOURSELF BEFORE YOU START.
ALL THOSE THINGS IN YOUR HEAD YOU IMAGINE DO NOT EXIST. FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN DO TODAY BUT MAKE A PLAN FOR TOMORROW WITHOUT ANY NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES IN IT.
Go back and read all the advice given to you by everyone, take notes. Either take our advice or don't bother asking for it.

Ok. But what kind of things could I do today? I actually do quite few things aside from staying hours in the computer...

And Does marriage & children count as a plan?

 

[Chrétien]

It's so annoying everybody here seems to be American.

I could be the only Frenchman here... the thing is that I can't find a French equivalent for this forum.

 

[Chrétien]

Need help...

 

[Jay Ross]

Need help...

Good advice has no country of preferred origin. Good advice is simply good advice. It is your choice as to whether or not you will heed good advice, whether it comes from a Frenchman or an Italian, a Greek, a pom, or a yank. It is still your choice how you respond to the provided good advice.

The question I have is, "Are you able to discern between good and bad advice?"

Shalom

 

[Chrétien]

Good advice has no country of preferred origin. Good advice is simply good advice. It is your choice as to whether or not you will heed good advice, whether it comes from a Frenchman or an Italian, a Greek, a pom, or a yank. It is still your choice how your respond to the provided good advice.

The question I have is, "Are you able to discern between good and bad advice?"

Shalom

Not quite sure.

 

[Jay Ross]

Not quite sure.

Well, perhaps that is the point where you should start your life lesson. How to discern between good and bad advice. If you can learn/accomplish this, then all other issues will take care of themselves.

Shalom

 

[Chrétien]

I would like to see another Frenchman in this forum. Somebody that could talk from the perspective of my country.

Everybody here talks from an American perspective & this annoys me so much. Because the differences between France & USA are plenty, you will probably not fully understand this because USA is the only country you know. Many Americans have got very little knowledge of other countries (some can't even locate Belgium on a map) & think the whole world is like USA. In fact, many users here appear to be from the southern Bible Belt states, where church attendnce is much higher than in France. As such, you may have found a number of people of faith willing to follow God & live a Christian lifestyle through your lifetime, but (sadly) the same is not true here in France. I wasn't even aware that sex before marriage was a sin until I started reading evangelical American websites! It seems the religious concept of abstinence does not exist in my country like it does in USA. Well, maybe among Muslims only. But that is. Even Christians seem pretty relaxed & liberal when it comes to sexual topics here. If finding a virgin is already hard in your country, let's not say here in France, the world's adultery capital. And this kind of things is why American advice may only be partially useful for a Frenchman. Just think, if Texas is so different from California & Colorado so different from Florida, how different will be all these states from a country the other side of the Atlantic?

And no, this doen't mean Americans can't post here. You do good in giving advice. It may be somewhat useful as well. What I'm asking you with this is, don't think of me as an American. Try to understand my country is quite different from yours.

 

[Chrétien]

Up

 

[Jay Ross]

I would like to see another Frenchman in this forum. Somebody that could talk from the perspective of my country.

Everybody here talks from an American perspective & this annoys me so much. Because the differences between France & USA are plenty, you will probably not fully understand this because USA is the only country you know.

If you are a Christian and another Christian gives you sound biblically based advice, then they are giving you advice from the Kingdom of God, which fundamentally is the same place that you claim to live in as well. Now if you reject their biblically based advice, then you are rejecting advice from other Christians who follow God's word which is what you want to receive on this topic.

Now I am not a "silly" American, for want of a better description, and yes many times I find their understanding of the ways of God very strange as it is not always biblically based, but simply based on their "valued" opinion or the opinions of people that they may value, whether the people they value, are worthy or unworthy of being valued.

Now if God can speak thorough a donkey to give a message to a "prophet", then He can certainly use an American, an Italian, Greek, New Zealander, an Australian, or any other person may identify with belonging to a particular country, to do the same thing and to speak with you and give good and relevant advice for you to follow. That was why I initially told you a glimmer of my dysfunctional upbringing where I was not shown good social graces that I could use to intermingle with others. However you quickly blew off my words as if they were not appropriate for you to listen to as if you already knew how to discern between good and bad advice. However, you have also done the same with other members' advice on this subject matter.

Now, if you want to find a French speaking Christian Forum so that you can be given "Marital advice from a Frenchman's perspective," then this forum is not the forum that you should be using to search for that type of specific advice. I have not noticed any French people registered on this platform. Perhaps you should be searching for a Christian based forum that predominately uses the French language to communicate with, rather than waste our time with your request for that marital advice, if you have no intention of receiving that said advice on this forum.

As I previously posted, you need to learn how to discern between Good and Bad advice. Bad advice can be found anywhere. Good advice is much more rare to find. Is good advice found on this forum? It really depends on who is providing you with any advice.

Discernment is required on your part for advice given coming from any interactive web based Christian forum.

It really is up to you to chose how you proceed from here.

Shalom

 

[Chrétien]

If you are a Christian and another Christian gives you sound biblically based advice, then they are giving you advice from the Kingdom of God, which fundamentally is the same place that you claim to live in as well. Now if you reject their biblically based advice, then you are rejecting advice from other Christians who follow God's word which is what you want to receive on this topic.

I never rejected their advice. I said I would like to have more country-specific advice. For the reasons I explained above. But I never undermined the advice of anybody.

Now I am not a "silly" American, for want of a better description, and yes many times I find their understanding of the ways of God very strange as it is not always biblically based, but simply based on their "valued" opinion or the opinions of people that they may value, whether the people they value, are worthy or unworthy of being valued.

I don't mean this. I mean, American evangelicals approach Christianity in a much different way than French catholics. While the earlier often place an high focus on the Bible & take its law in a literal way (as a code of conduct one must follow in order to be a disciple of Christ), the later tend to be much softer & more sentimentalistic on this aspect, more like "Love God & your neighbour & do what you want". But this doesn't mean the American understanding is worse. I do in fact prefer the American WAY before the French one, even though I'm a Catholic. I hate so much when the fake "Christian" cucks in my country teach our youth to "help the poor needy immigrant from Africa" but will not give them speeches on for example, how to avoid pornography or onanism. LOL, I still remember a quote I heard in school from a girl who said she was Christian telling her friends "You should try out *** toys! Stop fearing your body & discover that little treasure you have got between your legs!". This is the kind of "Christians" we have got here in France.

Now if God can speak thorough a donkey to give a message to a "prophet", then He can certainly use an American, an Italian, Greek, New Zealander, an Australian, or any other person may identify with belonging to a particular country, to do the same thing and to speak with you and give good and relevant advice for you to follow. That was why I initially told you a glimmer of my dysfunctional upbringing where I was not shown good social graces that I could use to intermingle with others. However you quickly blew off my words as if they were not appropriate for you to listen to as if you already knew how to discern between good and bad advice. However, you have also done the same with other members' advice on this subject matter.

I never said anybody outside France can't give me good advice. The thing is, a Frenchman's advice will be undoubtedly better than that of an American or an Australian for what I'm asking in this thread. For example, an American raised & living in a rural county in Texas may be used to seeing packed churches full of people all ages since childhood, and as such, when asked online by a foreigner "How to find a young devout Christian in my country?", easily throw out the answer "Go to church & you will find all the ones you want" because he is used to being with young people in the county church, and so assume it's the same elsewhere. But sadly it isn't. A Frenchman like me, on the other hand, will know churches in France are nearly empty & only have old people, will know less than 10% of French (and less than 5% of French youth) are practising Christians, will know there are more Muslim than Christian youth in France, and he so will give me a different advice more suited for this country. This is the point. But no, I never meant advice from non-French people is completely useless!

Now, if you want to find a French speaking Christian Forum so that you can be given "Marital advice from a Frenchman's perspective," then this forum is not the forum that you should be using to search for that type of specific advice. I have not noticed any French people registered on this platform. Perhaps you should be searching for a Christian based forum that predominately uses the French language to communicate with, rather than waste our time with your request for that marital advice, if you have no intention of receiving that said advice on this forum.

This is the problem. I can't find an active French-speaking equivalent for this board. The very few ones I found were pretty inactive, with maximum 2 online users in the rush hour & 3 or 4 posts per day (and most forums with no posts at all since weeks or months). And asking for advice in a French-speaking forum doesn't mean I will only get advice from France either. I could get some from Québec, Senegal, Martinique, Côte d'ivoire, Cameroon, French Guyane etc as well.

So you can continue giving some, now that I'm feeling worse & more hopeless than before. I may probably be somewhat frustrated yet, but much worse will the Uber pizza waiting for my parents' end to chase me make me feel.

 

[Jay Ross]

I never rejected their advice. I said I would like to have more country-specific advice. For the reasons I explained above. But I never undermined the advice of anybody.

It seems to me that you are not content in the Lord and lust after what the "Pagans" enjoy.

So add this to the things that you have to learn about, to grow in the Lord, contentment in the things of the Lord.

2 Peter 1:5-11 Fruitful Growth in the Faith

5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence,

add to your faith virtue,
to virtue knowledge,
6 to knowledge self-control,
to self-control perseverance,
to perseverance godliness,
7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and
to brotherly kindness love. ​

8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For he who lacks these things is short sighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins.

10 Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; 11 for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.​

NKJV​

When you have been able to persevere in the things that God desires for you, you will find joy and happiness and contentment and perhaps even a companion who will also be able to share with you all of the things that belong within the kingdom of God.

The ball, so to speak, is in your play to wisely chose the direction that you wish to go chase it as you live life with His fullness within you.

Put your desires in everything that is Godly and good in the eyes of the Lord and you will be richly rewarded in due course.

Shalom

 

[Chrétien]

It seems to me that you are not content in the Lord and lust after what the "Pagans" enjoy.

Lust after what???