My Testimony

[PantherEye]

I am following suit of many here and sharing my testimony.

“And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony” – Revelation 12:11
I don’t have one of those pre/post Christ type of testimonies. I was saved when I was about six years old and baptized shortly thereafter, and I never regretted that decision in life. I was raised a pastor’s kid, so I grew up in church and sort of had a handle on it at an early age. I want my testimony to focus on “Old Mel” vs “New Mel” and the things that God has brought me through over the years. I had a typical childhood, so I am going to focus on my adult life, especially 2009.
I was working as a home health aide when I had some friends in Fort Worth invite me to move in with them, I gladly accepted because I was able to transfer my job and get more pay – it was a win-win situation, not to mention I would not be so lonely, because in my mind- I was going to be around friends. I moved into the house in Fort Worth which was coincidentally on seminary property (The husband was going to school full time for seminary), and it was just a quaint little area- I loved it.
After I had been there a month or so, the couple was gone to Indiana for a vacation and I was going to house sit for the cats and dog. For whatever reason I decided to cut myself off the medication for bipolar, which turned out to be a bad idea- at least the way I did it. I got up one night, and in a fit of something- of which I am not sure what to this day sparked it, I stole a bunch of their DVDs and pawned them. Needless to say, once they came home they weren’t happy.
Everything finally hit the fan when I realized they were going to find out it was me. The plan was to get a police report and be able to look at the surveillance tapes at the store I pawned them at. I knew I had to do something, so in a frantic moment while they were off filing the police report, I wrote out a confession letter and left it taped to their front door so they would be sure to see it. Needless to say, they were extremely angry and of course alerted the police- it is only by the Grace of God and my sincere apology and intent to pay them back for the price of the DVDs that they didn’t press charges. I did however have to move – and without being able to sustain a full time job, I ended up moving to a shelter. This was in March of 2009.
From March 2009 – August 2009 I lived in total hell
Going to a homeless shelter after the way I had lived my life, was at best demeaning and scary. I didn’t know what to expect, and my reasoning was “not me”. I had some strong Denial & Anger issues going on. If I had not stolen the DVDs I would have still been living with those friends, but I did- so I couldn’t. I was angry at myself for what I did, angry at my friends for kicking me out, and angry at life in general- especially God.
Sparing a lot of non-essential details, the summary is this – in the course of those six months, the following things happened
… I lost my car, job, and sanity
… I was raped
… Hospitalized for suicide attempts twice (once I slit my wrists, one time I took pills)
… And of course, was homeless during this whole time – homeless, penniless, and friendless
After my hospitalizations, they had a diagnosis for me beyond the Bipolar Disorder (which I was diagnosed with in 2006), “Borderline Personality Disorder” this monster was consuming my life, and every symptom and sign fit. People with BPD tend to see things black and white, all good or all bad. They go extreme lengths to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Great lengths in my case, I had dealt with my entire life- lying for attention, wanting to be the center of attention, creating crises to get people to talk to me. The bottom line of BPD: Guilt Manipulation. God has a word for it: Sin. And it is miserable, I destroyed so many relationships through it.
I reached out to a very dangerous medium for a friend: Craigslist. I posted a desperate plea for a “Christian Gentleman” to talk to me, help me through things- and just be a friend. I had a lot of responses, mostly soliciting me for pornography, sex, etc- but I had one that shined. This young man e-mailed me, told me he was a Christian- and gave me his phone #, telling me I could call whenever I felt like it. Something just told me, he was safe & legitimate and genuine- so I called him and we had a great conversation. There was no focus on pictures, looks or anything- and from phone call number one, I knew he was legit.
Among the things he told me, was that I could overcome the BPD and that I didn’t have to live with it the rest of my life. I got so angry, and looking back- the reason for my anger was I loved the crutch. I loved being able to “blame” behavior on the BPD, and not sin. I had a paper that said I have BPD. In the words of this friend: “It’s just a piece of paper.” Dialogue continued between us for months before I finally met him in person- I was invited to go to his law school graduation party.
Time went on, and talking with him helped- a lot. He always directed me to God, always listened, and was just that amazing person I could talk to – about anything. He told me, BPD was just a reaction to the lies from Satan. Lies that I was worthless, didn’t deserve friends, didn’t deserve relationships and that everyone including God was going to abandon me. Everything was pointed back to God, and this was what got me through it; that and the fact he didn’t abandon me.
Something in my mind started to click about knowing God was never going to abandon me, and realizing that- my identity was in Christ and not in BPD, I was able to overcome.
It wasn’t an overnight fix by any means, but as angry as I had gotten- that was one of the best things he could have ever done for me. It didn’t mean he was abandoning me, it didn’t mean he didn’t want to help- just that I could handle it on my own; and after I did – I contacted him and he knew I did.
I was finally able to start weaning myself off the massive amount of medications I was on! I had spent over $1000 in therapy – cognitive traditional therapy, and it had at best been a Band-Aid. Then this friend came along, and did more for me in a few months than traditional psychology had done in YEARS.
Today, I am mostly medication free. I still use medicine for Asthma/Allergies. I am “The New Mel” and it is great. I no longer live in fear of people abandoning me, knowing God never will. Yes it is great to have friends, and it would suck to lose them- but I would be OK because I would have God.
THE story does not end there...............
————————— JESUS SAVED MY LIFE, PHYSICALLY————————————–
October 10, 2013 I was driving home from the college after my shift of assisting in the math lab. Suddenly, I found my car smashed into a tree and knocked upside down. The jist is, I dropped a cup of water in the floor board and went after it- bad mistake on my part. Taking my eyes off the road for a split second proved to be a near fatal mistake.
It could have been a very fatal accident- but it wasn’t because Jesus was with me. I was pinned to the car with my seat belt, and facing death. My chest was compressed, I couldn’t breathe very well- and I had some kind of caustic substance dripping on me (I would find out later it was gasoline, and my car was on fire).
I was facing death head on, and sheer panic set in. There were some truckers who were there, they kept trying to calm me – and they had the tools to get me out- what a miracle. At one point, after the initial shock wore off I just started praying. My prayer was “Jesus, if you’re ready to take me home- please take me now, otherwise please get me out of here”. I got this overwhelming sense of peace you can not imagine. I was facing death head on, and all I felt was peace. What an amazing feeling to know I don’t fear death! As Christians, we have no need to fear death, but to embrace it. JESUS SAVED MY LIFE
I remember being quickly pulled out, put into the ambulance and being taken to the hospital. I underwent two surgeries, was in coma for several days, and all I ended up with was two broken ankles and some broken ribs, I am thankful to be alive.

 

[Forsakenone]

Thank you for sharing your testimony, I love "My prayer was 'Jesus, if you’re ready to take me home- please take me now, otherwise please get me out of here'. I got this overwhelming sense of peace you can not imagine." The simple honesty of the though is so pure it is beautiful. I might not be able to image but I can definitely relate, and myself view that life is a gift and death is nothing more than God's way of helping of getting us over our fear of dying, even the caterpillar has to pass before its beauty can be seen as it spreads it wings and flies away as a butterfly.

 

[LearningToLetGo]

Thank you for your testimony.

 

[ScottA]

My Testimony

Growing up was like something out of a story book. I’ll get to times of suffering, but for the most part life was good. I was raised on a ranch with a wonderful, loving mother and father, a sister and two brothers, and friends. Although we had lots of chores and worked really hard compared to other kids, it was a good, healthy, and memorable time. After high school, as the nursery rhyme goes: “first came love, then came marriage, and kids in the baby carriage.” I worked a couple of tough jobs for about a decade and then went into business for myself. It was all very much the typical American dream.

Then, my business got broken into—three consecutive times!

The financial hardship caused the breakup of my marriage. I was separated from my children. Then, after dividing everything into two unequal halves in divorce, my half went down like a sinking ship. I ended up filing for bankruptcy, and lost it all.

Then came insult to injury. I had suffered no physically harm, it’s just that I was at the top of my game while all this was happening. I had even invented a few things. At a new job after the bankruptcy, I even won awards for things that had not been attempted before in the company's entire 30-year history. That year I increased sales in my territory from 600,000 to a $1,000,000, and received the president of the company’s top annual sales award. And yet, by a series of unfortunate events—that rug too was pulled out from under me. My best was good—very good, but it didn't seem to matter.

One night, after a long downward spiral, at the end of myself, I decided to have a little talk with God—that is, if there was a God. At the time, I wasn't sure. But I started talking to him anyway, and said, "This is the place where a person takes their own life—but I'm not going to do it! I'm not playing this game anymore! If you want my life God—take it, you can have it! Otherwise, I need some answers. I need to know what life is all about, and what my part in it is. If it all just ends in failure upon failure--what's it all for? What’s the use? Otherwise, I’ve only got one thing left that hasn’t failed me: I'm going to go live in the woods...."

To my complete and utter surprise—He answered!

After having every other door slammed in my face, I finally knocked on the right door!

Then after lying there in bed, I instantly found myself in the air above the very spot (in the woods) where I had threatened to go, apparently, in the spirit. This sort of religious experience is not so easily defined. But for the sake of argument, let’s just say, the "me" that is usually at home in my body—had left the building!

Next, I found myself with my back up against a huge frozen wall covered with ice. Before me were masses of people as far as I could see, wave after wave, like looking out over the ocean, and they began to stir. In desperation I turned and began beating on the wall of ice with my fists. Chunks of ice came falling down and an enormous door opened up. Through the door I saw a narrow stairway going up into the clouds. At the top--was my father. Now, that may sound like the result of some kind of father issue, but we had no issues. Nothing like that.

Next, I found myself on the narrow stairway, and in through the doorway came babies--infants, wrapped in little white blankets. I reached out and took the first one and passed it up the stairway to my father’s open arms. I turned back and took another and did the same, again, and again, and again.

Sometime thereafter, I suddenly found myself back in the physical, back in my body. Startled, I shot straight up, not stopping until I was seated at the foot of my bed. Eventually I laid back down in awe and bewilderment and went to sleep.

The next morning I awoke refreshed, full of peace and joy. I couldn't stop thinking about my experience, and kept repeating it over and over again in my mind:

"A door was opened to me, and I helped deliver children to my father in the sky..."

"A door was opened to me, and I helped deliver children to my father in the sky!"

What could it all mean?

Suddenly, everything in my life changed. I had to change. I was changed...

My job had already changed, my relationship ended, and I moved.

I then went to live with my younger brother and his family temporarily and made plans for a career change. In the spare room where they put me up, I found a bible. I was drawn to it. I started reading and didn't stop. I went through it like a novel, cover to cover. As I did, I came to realize that whoever was behind this book--was also behind my experience. The author of the bible and the One who answered me, were one and the same. My experience confirmed the bible to be true, and the bible confirmed my experience to be from God. Although there were many points of confirmation, when I got to the part in the gospels about "our Father in heaven", I knew that just as I had seen in my experience—this was my father in the sky!

Since then I have heard many things said about the bible. But, what I found the bible to be after my own very real experience, is a written record of witnesses not unlike myself down through all of history, who have come to know there is a God. There is a God—that is my testimony.