You believed that you believed. Then you stopped believing.
I believe as a direct result of a supernatural encounter with God.
You don't believe that.
Early on, I got some wrong teaching that led me to believe I wasn't able to obtain a scriptural level for salvation. So I decided that if I was going to hell anyway, I may as well enjoy this life while I still could. The problem was that I still believed. Try as I might, I couldn't stop believing. It ruined my fun, that's for sure.
Anyway, to make a long story short, in early 1994, beaten by my cocaine addiction, I turned back to God. I sought Him out of sheer desperation for four months, and then I found Him. My heart has never turned away from Him since, even though I've had two I.V. drug relapses, and even ended up with a hooker one night. Of course He wasn't pleased, but when I sincerely asked Him to forgive me, He did.
The good news? After screwing up everything I was given by Him, I tried to kill myself. It's been 21 years since I last tried to end my life, and it's been 16 and 17 years since I touched a woman or a needle. In spite of myself, He is making progress with me. I'm not where I'm going, but I'm sure glad that I'm not where I was.