Seeking feedback regarding Honoring your parents

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Jul 2, 2021
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hiiii, recently my faith has been renewed. as in the last week.

my current struggle is honoring my parents with a new awareness regarding abuse and neglect.

i’m learning to set healthy boundaries within all of my relationships. how do i heal, forgive, and honor without subjecting myself to more abuse or manipulation?

i comply with their demands out of guilt and my pursuit is to comply out of love and understanding without casting judgement. am i commanded to comply or submit to all of their demands? is it ok to take some alone time?

i have two brothers trying to navigate with the same awareness. we are all around the age of 30. sometimes it feels like i am enabling my parents who continue to harm my brothers as well. the dynamic is very perplexing. my parents are not together and profess to be believers. they also encourage each of us to side with either one of them and also try to divide (or so it seems) us as siblings.

i go through these cycles of feeling hurt, betrayed, rage, then understanding and wanting to forgive. and i still have this hunger for their validation.

any and all feedback welcome here. thank you for your time!
 

quietthinker

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Identifying healthy and non healthy is an unfolding and ongoing process, hardtotellhardtoseII. I start with not 'people pleasing' because I have found it ends up a tangled mess. As Desiderata says, speak your truth quietly and clearly with respect....and silence often goes a long way.

You will need courage and strength from above. If they will not hear you, leave them be. Nothing constructive is achieved by force or ego assertion.

Forgiveness for them as far as your experience of it is concerned starts with your choice as you have done and it continues with your choice. When your thoughts and emotions surface to rage and hurt, confirm again that you choose to forgive and be instant in prayer for help. The peace and clarity you seek will come in time. I speak from experience.
 

GRACE ambassador

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Precious friend, hardtotellhardtosell, welcome to the board as a New Member!
I was taught early in my faith walk, to forgive all "abuse and neglect" that I had
before, forget it {so it doesn't rule my life}, And Most Important to Always
stay With The Scriptures, regardless what men may teach and suggest...
I hope the following "study" will be helpful And encouraging as you

"walk in renewal of faith!": GRACE Word for infirmities

Remember God Is FOR us, no matter what we have to suffer {#7}:

God's ALL-Sufficient GRACE in our infirmities

Grace And Peace to All Precious friend(s), Dear readers,
and, diligent students of God's Holy Word! Praying Hopefully
The Following Scriptures Will Bring God's "Peace, Hope, And
Comfort" into your life in This Current Dispensation Of The
Amazing GRACE Of A Wonderful God!:

(1) In That GRACE, God, In HIS Omniscience, Had Already
Chosen HIS Own In CHRIST, And Already Knew What
"infirmities, trouble, trials, afflictions, sufferings, And
persecutions we would go through,” And, Thank HIM, HE
"Promised" HE Will Never Give us more testing than
we can handle. (Ephesians_1:4; 1_Corinthians_10:13 KJB!)
Amen?

(2) Please, Precious friend(s):
Thank God IN {easy}, And, Also, FOR {Difficult?}, ALL things!
(1_Thessalonians_5:18; Ephesians_5:20 KJB!)

(3) After Paul (our #"pattern"# for Today!), prayed 3 times
for his affliction, the "Answer he Received," According To The
Scriptures, Was:

"And HE {CHRIST} Said Unto me, MY GRACE Is Sufficient For
thee: For MY Strength Is Made Perfect in weakness. Most gladly
therefore will I rather glory {cp} in my infirmities, that The
Power Of CHRIST May Rest Upon me!"
(2_Corinthians_12:9 KJB!) {cp 2_Corinthians_11:23-30 KJB!}

(4) "For our light affliction, which Is But For A Moment, worketh
for us a Far More Exceeding And Eternal weight of glory; While
we look Not at the things which are seen, but at the things
Which Are Not Seen: for the things which are seen [are]
temporal; but the things Which Are Not Seen Are Eternal!"
(2_Corinthians_4:17-18 KJB!)

(5) "For I reckon that The Sufferings of this PRESENT Time
are not worthy to be compared with The Glory which shall be
revealed in us. For the earnest EXPECTation of the creature
WAITeth for the manifestation of the sons of God...

...ourselves also, which have The Firstfruits Of The Spirit,
even we ourselves groan within ourselves, WAITING for
The Adoption, to wit, The Redemption Of our body!"
(Romans_8:18, 19, 23 KJB!) Blessed Hope! Amen?

(6) "Therefore being justified by faith, we have Peace with
God through our LORD JESUS CHRIST: By Whom also we
have access by faith into This GRACE Wherein we stand,
and rejoice in Hope of The Glory of God.

And not only so, but we glory {cp} in tribulations also: knowing
that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience;
and experience, Hope: And Hope maketh not ashamed; because
The Love Of God Is Shed Abroad in our hearts By The Holy Ghost
Which Is Given Unto us!"
(Romans_5:1-5 KJB!) {cp 2_Corinthians_11:23-30 KJB!}

(7!) ”And HE That Searcheth the hearts Knoweth What Is The
Mind Of The Spirit, Because HE Maketh Intercession for the
saints According To The Will Of God. Likewise The Spirit Also
Helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray
for as we ought: But The Spirit Itself Maketh Intercession
For us with groanings which cannot be uttered!”
(Romans_8:27-28 KJB!)

(8!) "Blessed Be God, Even The Father Of our LORD JESUS CHRIST,
The Father Of Mercies, And The God of ALL Comfort; Who Comforteth
us in All our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which
are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves Are
Comforted Of God!" (2_Corinthians_1:3-4 KJB!)

(9!) Please, always be “watching, Patiently waiting And Looking For”
That Blessed HOPE, The Imminent Return Of our LORD To Take us
Home To HEAVEN, In GLORIFICATION! {Thus, ENDING ALL of our
"infirmities, trouble, trials, afflictions, sufferings, And persecutions!”}
(Ephesians_6:18; 1_Corinthians_15:51-57; 2_Corinthians_5:1-9;
2_Thessalonians_4:13-18 KJB!) = WONDERFUL Comfort! Amen?

(10) ”And we know That All things Work Together For Good To
them that love God, to them who Are The Called According To
HIS Purpose!” (Romans_8:28 KJB!)

(11a) Please memorize 2 Timothy_4:8 KJB!:

"Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness,
which The LORD, The Righteous Judge, Shall Give me At That Day:
and not to me only, but unto all them also that love HIS Appearing!"

(11b) Please Prayerfully/Carefully study 1_Corinthians_3:8-15 KJB!,
And "know" that, At "That Day {The JUDGMENT Seat}” Of CHRIST,
In HEAVEN, ALL "good works of preaching The Gospel of GRACE,
studying The Word Of Truth, Rightly Divided, and, loving/helping others"
WILL Surely Be "rewarded As gold, silver, And precious stones!"
Amen?

(12) For ALL those who humbly:
Trust CHRIST As their Personal SAVIOUR, The Bible Says:

a): “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of
power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
(2_Timothy_1:7 KJB!)

b): “Be careful [anxious] for nothing; but in every thing by
prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests
be made known unto God. And the PEACE Of God, Which Passeth
all understanding, Shall Keep your hearts and minds through
CHRIST JESUS.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are True, whatsoever
things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever
things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever
things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there
be any praise, think on these things.”
(Philippians_4:6-8 KJB!)

c): # “Those things, which ye have both learned, and
received, and heard, and seen in me, [Paul!] do: # And
The God Of PEACE Shall Be With you.”
(Philippians_4:9 KJB!)

Conclusion, for ALL of the “just who live BY FAITH” {NOT feelings…}:

"For unto you It Is Given in the Behalf Of CHRIST, not only
to believe on HIM, But Also to suffer for HIS Sake"
(Philippians_1:29 KJB!)
------------------------------
Again, Precious friend, please:
Always Be Very RICHLY Blessed In The LORD And Saviour, JESUS CHRIST!
 
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Fancy2020

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Where in the Bible can you find lines about honoring your parents?

I found a few lines but I want to find even more to read to the children..
 

quietthinker

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Where in the Bible can you find lines about honoring your parents?

I found a few lines but I want to find even more to read to the children..
The best chance of getting children to honour their parents (you?) is to honour them ie, treat them respectfully and with dignity; recognise that they to are a work in progress........just as God honours us.
 

Gottservant

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Regarding parents: you are a gift to them (you should hope you are, anyway), don't try to bypass them (by appealing to God).

You should hope to be a gift to your parents, for your whole life (Lord willing!).
 

5kittens

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You are in a hard place. Forgivness is essential to your healing, but forgiving does not require you to put yourself in harms way or for you to enable people in their sin. Though it's super hard, drawing boundaries is loving.

As for the process of forgiveness, once I am aware that I need to forgive, I start praying for God to work in my heart and that person's walk. I pray that that person will have the relationship with Christ that God desires. I ask to see the person how Christ sees them. This really helps me.

We are wired to want validation from our parents. It is supposed to keep us safe and growing as children, but unfortunately in this fallen world we have parents who's ideas don't always line up with God's. Regardless, we all have to learn to get our validation from God. Not our parents, society, our spouse, work, etc.
God is the only truth. Your true identity is in Christ. Do let the Father of Lies confuse you.

People who try to manipulate you, will also try to punish you for not doing what they want. This is immature. If you are seeing this pattern in your relationship with your parents, definitely step back. They need to rely on the God they confess to serve and not the people they try to manipulate.

How can you honor your parents? Only God can truly show you this in every instance. Some times it might be stepping back, other times helping with a request. Above all make your relationship with Christ the most important thing in your life.

Lots of love from a mom with "grown kids" around your age.